Girlfriends.....WTF........(rant)

[APEXistud]

Ok, here's the scenario. My girl friend and I are walking along in the mall, she starts telling me about some drama that her cousi is going through and I'm listening. While she's talking for some odd reason I decide to look up for a moment or so and glance into a womens clothing store "Bebe". It also just so happens that there are tons of hot women working and shopping in there. Why I glanced in there I couldn't tell you, but my girlfriend takes notice to me looking into Bebe and gets really pissed and start bitching at me. Then she pulls that silence treatment s***.

So, I get pissed because I feel that I've done nothing wrong at all and head back to my house instead of going out to dinner like were going to. Once we get into the house and into my room I ask her what the hell all that was about. She claims that I'm always looking at other women and that I don't pay attention to her when we're in malls or places where there are other women around. I'm thinking "WHAT THE ****" :wtf:. Where the hell did that come from. I've never been mean, I've never done anything to make her doubt my loyalty, and for once I have a girlfriend that I haven't cheated on. So, why all the sudden is she busting out with this drama. As, I'm typing this post, she's in my room reading some friggin book for her english class. I want to talk about this so we can move on and go out tonight, but she's pulling that silent crap, saying she wants to stay home tonight. Well, to hell with that. This is one of the few days that I get off from work and I want to go out and chill.

To top thing off, the last few weeks have been getting rough for us because she's been getting pretty damn moody and has been extremely sensetive about pretty much everything I do or say. WTF man, this is why I don't like relationships. Women can't understand s***, so they throw tantrums and get annoyed over sill s***.

My question to all those guy out there who have been in relationship for a long time or have been married for a few years or more.....
What the hell am I doing wrong? I love this girl, I have sacraficed a lot to be with her and try make her happy.

My question for all the ladies who have been in relationships for a long time or have been married for a few years or more.......
How the hell do I show this woman that I only have eyes for her and not to freak out about stuff like this?

I'm not a quiter and I want a serious relationship. But just like everyone else out there, I don't like wasting energy on bulls***. I have way to much at stake (my job) to stress off of a relationship. With all the added stredd of managing my store, I have to put up with this? Damn man

 

[ZG77_OzZ]

What are you doing wrong

1. You are a male
   [/list=1]
   One thing I have been married for 8 years this Oct 22.
   You need to understand that women will all ways be the weaker vessel. I know I will get flack for that.
   What do I mean. Women are Females and men are males. Women need to talk and vent, they do not want you to fix their problems but just lesson. Be slow about speaking swift about hearing. I understand It will take you time. But they need affection not just banging them, but holding hands I love you, you look great, yadda yadda. They need to know you care not just in words but action. Blowing your top does not help.
   If she feels you are flirting so on so forth, She might have a reason to feel this way. DO not give her one. I can write 10 pages long. Just put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if things were done to you. One thing be humble but be tuff, find the line and try to balance your self there. And the word that helps keep peace some time is Yes dear.
   
   One thing its is 150% use and 10% them.
   When you learn this, It will be a lot easier.
   

 

[mnkyboy]

and for once I have a girlfriend that I haven't cheated on.

First things first. I have been married for about 2.5 years now. We went out for about 3 years before we were married. I also was in a relationship before that for 2.5 years which I then engaged with her, but she cheated on me and broke the engagment off. Thats my credentials...lol

As for the quote above, does she know you cheated on other girls in previous relationships? If so, then she might have doubts about you. Also, has she ever been cheated on? If so, dont take it personal. It may take awhile for her to trust you.

What the hell am I doing wrong? I love this girl, I have sacraficed a lot to be with her and try make her happy.[/B]

You might not be doing anything wrong. Is it "that time of the month?" Does she have hormone problems? My wife has hormone problems, and she can get pretty wacky at times, but I love her very much, so I put up with it

You may be doing something wrong, which then you have to communicate with her and find out what you are doing wrong. Communication is the key to a succesfull relationship.

How the hell do I show this woman that I only have eyes for her and not to freak out about stuff like this?

The best thing to do is stay with her to prove it I know it sounds simple, but it works. Ever since my wife and I started dating, she said that I would eventually cheat on her and leave her. Thats a pretty tough thing to swollow, but her past is to blame for this. Now we are not the type of people to blame video games for kids killing other people, but your past can mess you up psycologically (did i spell that right?) Her dad left her, her mom, and sister when she was 11 years old. Her dad also cheated on her mom openly all her life. This is common in latin marriages, and the woman is taught to accept it. My wife says she will always think I am going to cheat on her, even tho she trust me very much. Well, I love her, she loves me, we are happy, I understand her, she understands me, we talk when we are pissed at each other (sometimes its hard to get her to talk when shes mad). Again, communication is the key to a successful relationship.

I hope this didnt bore anyone. L8r...

 

[Allen]

APEXistud, tomorrow when you wake up you should re-read what you just wrote here. All she wanted was for you to pay attention to her when ever there are plenty other women around. Not having your eyes pop out when you see a hot girl 25 feet away from your girlfriend (foam seeping out of the mouth will also result in a negative reaction from girlfriend ) the mall.

As for her bitching about you for the past few weeks I dunno.... yeah, wish I was out doing something tonight instead of figuring out why my short shifter is wobbly after the install. I think I'll wake up tomorrow with a better attitude towards finding my mistake.

Best of luck bud, I think you may just want to retrace what you guys have been going through lately and see if you have overlooked anything important with her. Remember, you should EXPECT the girl to be more sensitive... just don't take it TOO seriously, because it could be nothing but an aspect of a good relationship. I think moody girls are common in a relationship. .

 

[enry]

People are naturally unstable at times, and girls all the more for biological reasons.. add the fact that some girls are very self conscious (read: insecure) and you have her behavior explained... Don't get worked up aboot this. If she does this often sure, raise the issue, otherwise, just let it slide. Good luck.

 

[sleeper_]

man oh man you couldn't be more right about the insecurity issues females generally have, enry.... dang... lol

 

[Mazdaspeedgirl]

It's hard to say. The only one who has the key to the problem would be her. Since she is giving you the silent treatment (extremely childish in my book), I know it may be kinda hard to get that communication on, like some others have said. But I agree that it is key.

I haven't dated many women, but when they are mad, it may be best to leave them be until they are ready to talk; i.e. I would go out anyway. If she has issues with you going out by yourself, that may point to some distrust, and again you would have to probe her for the reasons for the distrust.
Regardless, if it were me, I would be firm with her in that you are going to go out by yourself anyway and tell her that you want to give her the time to think that she obviously wants. It may even give you time to reflect on what could have been bothering her for the past few weeks.

For the record, and my opinion only:
I don't get mad at Greg for looking at other women, or even hooting at them. I hoot at guys (and girls) too. We both trust each other.

I never give Greg the silent treatment and we never go to bed angry.

 

[1FastMP3]

I hate to tell u this and I hope I'm wrong but.She might be going to brake up with u. 9 times out of 10 when a girl starts criticizing u and and becomes increasingly critical around u and very irritable it's a strong sign she doesn't love u anymore. I'll list some things maybe it will help u.
1)She seems pleased to see u when u show up at her door & doesn't take 15 min to realized u have arrived it's a sure sign she has fallen in love
2)Listening to u is a basic sign of love. if u try and talk about something & she quickly changes the subject or is just not intrested & talks mostly about herself that is not a good sign.
3) She enjoys your company. If she likes hanging out with u & wants to go places with u that is a good sign
4) Next time when u look at her look into her eyes. if her pupels are big that is a very good sign she is still in love
I know i'm probably going to get flamed for all that but I don't care. My girfriend and I just broke up and after reading what I just wrote out of a magazine damn if it wasn't true. Almost all of it. U said u are a good guy so I hope all it was is she was just mad and that's it. Good luck bro Hope everything works out

 

[LinuxRacr]

Timing and perception.

Timing
The human eye is naturally attracted to movement, or anything that changes in ones field of view. You probably didn't even think about where you were looking, or what you saw until after the fact. She just happen to be there with you, talking to you about something important to her at the time you were looking in bebe. Timing.

Perception
The funny thing about a lot of women is the fact that they preceive themselves as lacking in some aspect for some strange reason when the truth is that they are beautiful. You take a man with a big gut, and big nose and he's walking around like, "eh, I'm tha man!" Women, they are always worried about if they look to "fat," or "unpretty." She may be victim to such misplaced perceptivity (new word). Perception.

Apex, I feel ya man, and have been in the same boat. As a 23 year-old male, I have had my share of issues like this with you know who. You both have to be able to sit down, and MATURILY disscuss the issues at the right time. Watch out for emotions though, because they have no intellect. Try to put the facts (truth) out there, and weigh the problems against them. Good luck!

 

[LinuxRacr]

For the record, and my opinion only:
I don't get mad at Greg for looking at other women, or even hooting at them. I hoot at guys (and girls) too. We both trust each other.

I never give Greg the silent treatment and we never go to bed angry.

Yall are just some freaks! (upbum)

 

[Rogue_Biker]

I think everyone here has given you some great advice.

I've been married for 15 years! What's the secret?

Love. Trust. Patience. Respect.

Yup. That's it. Easier said than done. It's inevitable that women will give you the silent treatment. Just let her be. She'll talk when she's ready. Tell her how much you mean to her and show her that you are loyal by being with her for the long haul. Respect her. Don't ever make fun of her and never make her do things she doesn't like. Be patient with her. Don't yell in anger or say things you'll regret later. Love her. Give her plenty of hugs and kisses. Tell her you'll die if anything were to happen to her. And trust her. Relationships have their ups and downs and you just have to ride it like a rollercoaster. Just remember the top 4 above and you and her will be fine.

 

[enry]

I haven't dated many women,

Not to get off topic, Diane... but you've dated women?

 

[ZG77_OzZ]

That is what she said.

Looks like ProtegeGirl Likes girls too.

 

[APEXistud]

Well, we finally talked about things and I was very, very, very, very shocked to hear that she thinks I'm going to leave her :WTF:. I don't know where she got that idea, but the fact that a formerly close friend of my ex girlfriend (Natalie) from about 4 1/2 years ago works at BeBe. The reason I subcontiously glanced into BeBe was to say hi if she was working there, because she always comes into my store to say hi and chit-chat for a couple of minutes. I explained this to my girlfriend thinking it would help her to understand why I look into BeBe, when we walk by there. Of course, the fact that Natalie is a beautiful, 5'10, hispanic woman, who always notice to me, didn't help the situation.

After a 5-10 minute discussion, she kind of calmed down. She doesn't like that fact that I am in close touch with a lot of women. I remember a long time ago before her and I got together, she made a comment about all my ex's being very attractive. The she said something along the lines of "why do you like me, I'm not hot". I should have known then that she was insecure.

I'm definately glad that we got the chance to discuss some of this, because the little insecurity comments really bother me. I don't anymore man.... Her insecurity and low self confidence is becoming a real turn off. I hate having to always reasure a woman that she's beautiful and can do anything. I love being in a relationship, but I really hate drama. Especially drama that I didn't provoke.

I honestly think that all of this has to do with me being very kind to women and she knows this. I'm not a player, sure I have cheated in the past when I was like 17 or 18, when I thought it was cool. She doesn't know about my past relationships because she does not want to know about it. It bothers me because I want her to know about my past so she can understand more about who I am. She knows that I have been with a lot of women and this is what really bothers her. So, I guess it is all on her. I've offered my self, my past, or anything she wanted to know about me on a silver platter to her and she shoves it right back at me saying she doesn't want to know.

 

[APEXistud]

Oh what I mean't by giving up a lot. I don't go to car shows anymore, I don't go to clubs with the guys anymore, I don't really go to car meets anymore, and I haven't even hung out with the guys for a long, long time. I do all this to try to make her happy.

OK, enough rant sorry guys, but I had to vent about this.....

 

[LinuxRacr]

I hate having to always reasure a woman that she's beautiful and can do anything. I love being in a relationship, but I really hate drama. Especially drama that I didn't provoke.

Preach brotha!!

 

[LinuxRacr]

Oh what I mean't by giving up a lot. I don't go to car shows anymore, I don't go to clubs with the guys anymore, I don't really go to car meets anymore, and I haven't even hung out with the guys for a long, long time. I do all this to try to make her happy.

OK, enough rant sorry guys, but I had to vent about this.....

This sounds like my own sad story, only I am putting my foot down, and making her face her insecurities. I'm not gonna be miserable just because Sapril is so insecure. What am I doing wrong by going to car shows. Sure there will be models there, but I go for the cars. It's not like I will be going home with a model or something. I go to car shows, and face her wrath. What I am trying to say is that that insecurity and mistrust is gonna be a "deal breaker." You relationship will slowly rot away if it is not dealt with soon. The problem is with her. She needs to deal with her unrealistic expectations.

 

[Antoine]

I hate having to always reasure a woman that she's beautiful

IMO...If you truly love or even really like a woman...you would not hate it.

 

[spoolinmp3]

This sounds like my own sad story, only I am putting my foot down, and making her face her insecurities. I'm not gonna be miserable just because Sapril is so insecure. What am I doing wrong by going to car shows. Sure there will be models there, but I go for the cars. It's not like I will be going home with a model or something. I go to car shows, and face her wrath. What I am trying to say is that that insecurity and mistrust is gonna be a "deal breaker." You relationship will slowly rot away if it is not dealt with soon. The problem is with her. She needs to deal with her unrealistic expectations.

Linux this is so true. I understand that there are more aspects to this problem that apexi is having with his girl such as insecurities, trust issues ect. But I was married once, amd my wife was so jealous. Her mother and basically her whole family was openly cheated on the wome. So she distrusted me for those reasons and gave me a hard tim efor everything. I just wanted to prove that I was madly in love with her. I did everything for her and just wanted to show her how trustworthy and nice I was. Well she never was satisfied. Slowly I stopped hangin with the boys, going to car meets.......hell even stopped raeding turbo magazine

She eventually cheated on me and I felt so hurt. I thought to myself how could she do this to me after all I did? There were more issues regarding our breakup that are not in the scpe of this conversation, but what I am trying to say is do not give things up that you love. If she loves you she will understand and let you do this. I dont mean not to pay attention to her anymore and just do what you want but you also need your time as well. And try getting her involved in the whole subcultu re of imports. But never....NEVER let a women take away your passions or let her manipulate you into not enjoying your pleasures. Because life is to short not to enjoy it.

 

[Rogue_Biker]

ALL women need to be told they're beautiful and you love them. ALL OF THEM. You have to re-assure them that. Especially if they're insecure like your girl. It's a must. Eventually, she will learn to trust you and her insecurity will fade.