Why go on?

[hesitationhater]

I have been asking myself this more and more lately, and the answers are becoming few and far between. I lost my father 2 years ago, and haven't ever really gotten back into the state that I was in before he died. I was on Paxil for about 8 months, and I quit taking it a month ago because I felt like I was ready. I have heard from other people that they got suicidal when they quit, but that isn't helping me very much. I broke up with my girlfriend 2 months ago that I was with for over 7 years, and it has been hard being alone for the first time in so long.

I really just don't know what to do anymore. Nothing seems to bring me any joy, and the things that do always end up turning sour in one way or another. I have been a part of this community for a long time now, and the love for my car (and working on it) is one of the only things that gets me out of bed each day. I just worry that my love will run out for that soon too.

I just wish there was a way that I could let go that wouldn't hurt the people that love me.

 

[122 Vega]

This is a serious situation. You need to seek professional help with your Doctor or Therapist. There have been isolated cases of suicide associated with use of antidepressants. You should really consult your prescribing Doctor before altering or quiting any prescription. You probably felt like you were ready because the medication was actually having a positive effect. In situations like this, dealing with personal loss and depression, medications should be given with an appropriate therapy or support program. There are many groups that are specifically geared towards helping those who are grieving the loss of loved ones. The grief proccess is an individual journey, not to be taken lightly. The proccess can take years. You need to continue to use the hope that you display in your post - that something better exists than your current situation, because there is something better. There is nothing wrong with missing your Dad, hopefully he was the kind of guy that you will always miss. But don't think of that as just a bad thing, he meant this much to you, he obviously was a positive influence in your life, and he always will be.


Britt

 

[MisterT]

Think of what your father would want. Do you think he would want you to end your life because you couldn't get over his death? He would want you to keep striving for the things you have dreamed of. I know if the situation was reversed, you wouldn't want him to end his life over the grief of your death. Hang in there. I know it is tough dealing with people's b.s. day in and day out and also accepting the death of a loved one. You can (and will) get through this and become a stronger and better person. I have had very difficult years not long ago dealing with life. I went through losing a job, dropping out of college and owing a s*** load of money, 2 deaths in the family one in the ICU the same year, as well as a pet being hit by a car and going through a divorce, all in the same year (2002). It was not easy, but I learned to face things I thought I had no strength to face and have pulled through. Today, I am still single and not seeing any one, but I have goals that I work towards both physical and mental. I work out 3 days a week, run 2-3 days a week (3miles per day), and am going back to school. It wasn't easy, but I can honestly say that I am a better person. Feel free to PM me too!

 

[MotegiMazdA]

Ive been there. Ive lost many people that I have loved along the way so much so (and yes I am going to admit this) I put myself in the hospital 3 times for suicide attempts. And each time I went I felt dumber and dumber. So why go on?
You want to know why?
Because you never know what is going to happen tomorrow.

I know sounds like a crappy reason but let me explain. I went from being depressed and suicidal to finding the love of my life, getting a promotion at my job working on building one kick ass car and going to school to better myself. There is something out there to live for and if its not for anyone else make damn sure its for yourself. I know exactly how you feel trust me. There have been days when I didn't get out of bed. I have scars on my arms from where I would just sit there and cut myself because I felt like I deserved it. Weird I know but when you are in a depressed state of mind, you do crazy s***.
Things will never be the same after your father passed away. And its alright to miss him. But remember that no matter how much you want him back its not going to happen. Im not trying to be a b****, but thats the way I started to see it. Its okay to cry and be frustrated, but all that isnt going to bring him back to you. Keep the happy memories of him alive inside you and he will never actually die, he will live on inside of you.

As far as the things not bringing you joy: One day it will happen, you'll smile about something and then you'll smile about more things and eventually you will find your self excited over things. The car. I totally neglected my car when I was down and out, but then again I neglected everything. I didnt even bother to eat and I went from being 117 to 98lbs in a little less then a month.

What Im trying to say is what you are going through is extremely hard. Ive been there and I know eventually I might get there again. It takes a very strong person to turn their lives around after a deep depression, but work on it and little by little you will see the changes. It took me 3 years before I would really even talk to people I didnt know. That was because I was sick and tired of walking around feeling sorry for myself. I looked at the world around me with its limitless possibilities and I relised that I was missing out on it. I didnt want to miss out. The dodge commercials explain it the best, you have to grab life by the horns and throw it around sometimes. And the same goes for yourself, sometimes all we really need is to sit down and really look at ourselves. Im not talking about in a mirror. Look at yourself through your eyes, and through other peoples eyes. Is this who you want to be? If not you CAN change that. It takes A LOT of time and work. But it is totally worth the effort.

I know things look bad now but I swear on my life that they will get better. Have patience with yourself, we are all different and for some it may take longer to recover then others. Dont rush yourself, and you will do fine. There is a light at the end of that tunnel, find it and follow it.

 

[SkeffMSP21]

Despite my low post count, I'm on these boards often and feel that input to this thread is needed...

We all have our bad times. Like the previous posts said, you need to go see a doctor or therapist because of the way you feel. But just as important, you need to focus on yourself!

The situations in my life don't compare to the severity of yours, but I definetly know what you are going through. I had a four year relationship end recently (not on good terms either, found out that she cheated on me), but I realized after we broke up that there was so much in life that I was missing. Believe me, I felt like dirt for two months after we broke up... I'd get so upset at times that I'd physically get sick. But now I wake up everyday and try to think of one new thing that I'd like to achive while I'm here. Finding a love with someone special is definetly close to the top of that list. Just remember what it was like to fall in love agian, you'll realize how much fun it was.

As for things ending up sour, I'm a big supporter of that always happening to me But you just need to realize that sometimes that's just how the cards fall, so play your hand and move on. Despite how easy it is to say and how hard it is to really do, you just can't let the little things bother you.

I too am a MSP owner. Just remember, you are not the only one who feels like this. I you feel like talking, PM me or hit me up on AIM at Maverick2113. Hell, email me if you'd like at JSkeffington(at)gmail.com.

Good luck with everything and take care.

-John

 

[cbcbd]

Motegi is right.
You never know what tomorrow may bring. When you hit a low you FEEL it, you know it is there and you see what the bottom can be. Depression can get you good. It can turn into many forms of self loathing, which makes it tough.
Remember there are ways to get help. You got help before and you said it did work. You telling us about it is helping you right now too.

I have felt suicidal plenty of times and just like you, the only reason that has kept me going is thinking about how my death would affect the ones who really love me. I know how it would affect me to see someone I love give up. The ones who love you want to help you, that you'll always have.
We'll be here too, man. We've been through this and there are people who are going through this right now. You are not alone.
Anytime you want to talk you can hit me up on IM - cbcbd99
Doug

 

[Zoom-Zoom03]

Hello, I frequently look through the new post on the home page, and even though I should be typing a paper right now, I am not. Because, I care about you, I dont know you, but like the others who have replied, we all care about you. I want you to know that I originally joined this forum because I found a multitude of information of every topic involving Mazdas wonderful creation, The Protg. This forum is the best that I have every seen, but I am beginning to realize that what makes it good is not the information, but the people. There are quite a few people on this forum who are Protg gurus, there are also many Protg beginners, and many of us fall somewhere in between, but in the end no matter what you know or how much you contribute, we are all still just people, EACH OF US JUST AS SIGNIFICANT AN THE NEXT!!! I have had many hardships in my life and I know with the world today it is becoming increasingly difficult to stay positive. But like the others have said the only person that can make you happy is yourself. I have only been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now, and know what a relationship can do to you, you just get comfortable with someone, and when their not there it can be very upsetting. I have broken up with long term girlfriends too (only of 2 years). And looking back I am glad that I did because something better has always come along. You need to trust God, or what ever higher power you may believe in, I know this may sound easy but just start with Please help me, it will get easier as time passes. I dont mean to preach and I dont mean to offend anyone, but I am just telling you that this has helped me in difficult times and I know that it can help you too. You also need to do things that bring you pleasure, like think about all the good memories of your father. You need to realize that he is always watching over you. He wants you to go on with your life and live it to the fullest, and we all do to. I am sure that as people read this their concerns will grow, as mine and the other individuals who have posted did. Like the others said feel free to hit me up on email rkralka@msn.com. I would be more than happy to just talk, never underestimate the power of talking. Please take me and the others seriously on offer to talk with you. I wish you the best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers. Hang in there; we are all here if you need us.

 

[laracroft]

There are lot of soldiers fighting over seas right now. They fight because they want to live. They want to live so they can see what their future brings. If given the chance, they would change positions with you so they could be closer to their loved ones. The wives and children of the already fallen go on, because they know that's what he or she would want them to do. You have to do the same.

If you want support, a place to fit in or better still, somewhere that you can make a difference... go volunteer at a local non-profit organization. Call the VFW, VA, assisted living even, Red Cross, etc. There's nothing better than feeling that you're making a difference in someone's life. It will help you to better understand what you would be missing. Think of the people that would'nt have had your help. Someone out there needs you. You just need to find that one or a dozen more that are calling out for you. If you're quiet, you can hear the suffering and sadness out there. If not to help yourself, at least to help others who need you. Become someone's guardian angel, but don't become one yourself. We're all here if you need to talk.

 

[MisterT]

Another thing that is fun to do as well as helping others and meeting people is volunteering for charities and/or nonprofit organizations! Seriously! I volunteer for the SPCA (society for the prevention of cruelty to animals) and meet all kinds of nice people. I love animals and get to play with the dogs, raise money for a good cause, and meet people out in the community.

Any thing you do to help others, puts you outside of yourself and makes you feel good that you helped somebody who is far worse than you are. It makes you appreciate the little things in life. You may think you have nothing to offer, but when you do something like this, people give you positive attention in your hard work and efforts to help others. Try it out some time.

 

[hesitationhater]

I knew when I posted this last night that it would somehow make me feel a lot better. You guys and gals are the best. Thank you all so much for your kind words and support, it really meant a lot to me to read your replies. I know that I WILL get through this, and that I will never give up on myself and my life. Some days are harder than others, and yesterday was one of the harder ones. I really DO have a lot going for me, it just seems that sometimes it is a lot easier to focus on the negative rather than the positive aspects of life.

Just to clear something up, I didn't quit taking the medication solely because I felt I was ready... I was starting to develop some side effects from it and I really didn't want that at all. I would get this strange dizzy feeling, almost a vertigo-like state that was very uncomfortable, and I wasn't eating hardly at all. The dizzy spells were starting to come 4-5 times a day, and I lost about 15lbs. Now that I have quit, the biggest problem is that I can't really sleep. I know that all the sleepless nights have played a huge part in my loneliness and my general state of not feeling good.

Thank you all again for caring, I will be okay.

 

[changedman]

(thumb) good to hear. Hope life starts back on a big upswing!

 

[laracroft]

I knew when I posted this last night that it would somehow make me feel a lot better. You guys and gals are the best. Thank you all so much for your kind words and support, it really meant a lot to me to read your replies. I know that I WILL get through this, and that I will never give up on myself and my life. Some days are harder than others, and yesterday was one of the harder ones. I really DO have a lot going for me, it just seems that sometimes it is a lot easier to focus on the negative rather than the positive aspects of life.

Just to clear something up, I didn't quit taking the medication solely because I felt I was ready... I was starting to develop some side effects from it and I really didn't want that at all. I would get this strange dizzy feeling, almost a vertigo-like state that was very uncomfortable, and I wasn't eating hardly at all. The dizzy spells were starting to come 4-5 times a day, and I lost about 15lbs. Now that I have quit, the biggest problem is that I can't really sleep. I know that all the sleepless nights have played a huge part in my loneliness and my general state of not feeling good.

Thank you all again for caring, I will be okay.

Have an Xbox???? PLay Xbox Live and play with other people. It will REALLY help pass the time. Especially some of us that also have a hard time sleeping. Whenever I work night shift I have a hard time going to bed. I used to stay up and watch anime on cartoon network (hump) but sometimes I'll get a game or two in. There's is always the PS2 also. No online action, but still fun and takes up time while you play something you enjoy. There are all kinds of games, find a few that interest you and have at it. The best are the RPG's. Find a good role playing game and it'll occupy you for days.