GOT IT!
It's been raining non-stop for the last week, and honestly, this isn't the first time I've had this symptom, we had it earlier this year, but it miracled itself better. Because it dried out!
Water was getting into the driver's door harness, causing electrical shorts, which was keeping the ignition module energized. Took the driver's door card off, took the harness out of the door, and found all kinds of dirt and moisture inside of the harness. And, when I unclipped the door harness from the body harness, yup, mean greenies.
I cleaned everything with isopropyl alcohol and q-tips. Then I hit the mean greenies with Deoxit 100 and let it sit for about an hour.
Before I put everything back together, I packed the door harness...