Thinkin about getting married

Well, if it feels like you could get married, and be happy together, then I say go for it. And you've obviously talked about it abit, if she has said if you ask her, she will say yes. She is obviously ready, but the question is are you ready? I know I am young and have no first hand know how on this stuff, I do know enough to know, unless you are 110% sure you are ready, and it can be done, and everyone will be happy, then don't go for it yet. Give it abit of time..or, also there is time after you propose before you get married, giving much more time to be together and see how things are and s***.

I say go for it though, as you seem to love her(I mean hell, you are considering marriage here, thats when you know s**** serious), and she loves you(since she has already said yes, you just need to ask). PLus there is that gold that she is cool with your car stuff. It's also good that you guys can spend time(lots of it) together without killing each other. Hopefully there is some dispute here and there though, as a relationship without dispute, is like a car that doesn't get it's oil changed...eventually something gonna ******* blow and self destruct and take everything around it out. If ya get my drift.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Whenever we have a fight we resolve it quickly, life is too short to be pissed at each other.
 
.. I can't speak from the guy's perspective, but I can speak from the girl's.

First off, if you have ANY doubts or second-guesses, then that in itself is a big sign. I mean, everyone gets 'cold feet', as they say .. but if something in your gut is making you hesitate, then give the relationship more time to develop and see how it goes.

In a past relationship of mine, the guy was always talking about getting married and all that. But something never sat quite right with me. And in the end, my instincts were right -- he and I didn't belong together, and I'm very glad I listened to that little voice in my head.

It always knows what it's talkin' about somehow. Good luck!
 
I'm in the same boat as you I proposed this past christmas. I think you said you are thinking about moving in together. Maybe you should try that first (if your not into the religion thing.) That is the biggest step imo. If you can still get along after being together 16 hours a day. Then you can start thinking about getting married. Then there is the financial thing. Weddings are expensive. As far as the 3 bank accounts I say if you cant trust each other with your money how are you going to be able to trust each other about the important things. Money is not every thing, Trust is.

my 2 cents
Good luck what ever you decide.
 
terbow said:
ya know matty i think that the first thing ive seen u post i agree with. well put.

I can say, when its time, u know.
Click to expand...

Terbow your wife looks familiar did she go to school in NS?
 
josh, I'm doing the same thing as you're did/are doing. My girlfriend is moving in with me in may, and possibly across country with me if I get a job elsewhere. I think its good to try it out to see if you work before you take the plunge.
 
It sucks, don't do it. Although it's nice to always have a tittie around the house to grab, eventually the sex tapers off. You'll need a kitchen pass to go out with your friends. The ones you keep anyway, since you'll tend to migrate to doing things with only couples. She'll be spending all her income and most of yours. I can say that after 8 years of it, overall it isn't worth it. And once you have kids, you're life is over. Now that I think about it, you can have my wife.
 
Replica said:
It's pretty cool. You know how some relationships the only thing you have in common is that you're both in the same relationship? It's really different with this girl, we actually get along and can spend like a week together and not go crazy. hell the last 3 months we're only apart for a few days. It's really neat. She said if i asked...she'd say yes.
Click to expand...

How long have you been dating? After the marriage, women know they've got you and they turn psycho. And there's nothing you can do about it. How old are you both? Some people don't grow up until mid to late 20's, and then after a couple years of marriage you don't match up anymore. Of course, I see a divorce in my near future so that could be coloring my judgement.

Get this book, it may help you:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?userid=T28WDhFBms&isbn=0974629243&itm=36
 
As GWB would say, marriage is "hard work...it's hard!" And I have to agree w/Georgie on that one.

Even living together is a totally different scenario than marriage...you are truly partners, and if one of you faulters the burden is placed on the other. It is give-and-take in this sense, but if the effort is not balanced over time, hello divorce.

I'm rambling...just make damned sure you are ready for it!
 
I put it off for 8 years and that was the dumbest thing I ever did.

Been married for little over a year now and I like it alot. While it's true that you don't play video games or hang out with your guy friends as much, you realize (at least in my case) most of your single guy friends and into stupid s*** that just doesn't matter to you anymore. And instead you get to spend your time with someone who laughs at your dumb jokes, makes you feel like Rocky Balboa even when your 5'10" and 155lbs, who you can share your life time goals with and who cooks a lot better than you do. Pretty fair trade in my book.

My wife and I do the 3 account thing too. That way we each have our fun money, although most goes to buying presents for each other, and we share the responsabilities of the bills/debt. And no, I can't buy everything I want for my car as soon as I want it, but even on a measly $100 a month I saved up enough to buy an FMIC, SRIC and exhaust. So while it took longer to get the car stuff I want, I've got other wants now (house, no debt) so the car just isn't as important as it used to be.

Your single friends will say you're loosing out on alot of life, but they just don't yet realize how much you are gaining.

TXMazdaspeeder: adamandeve.com is your friend. And sometimes with familiarity comes the ability to do exactly the right thing ;)

SciFiMan: sounds like it's time for you to visit a marriage counselor. Although I really know nothing about your situation, there seems to be a real lack of communication in meeting each others needs. Sometimes having a third party involved can make the other person less defensive.
 
Having been married since July '03 I can tell you when we got married it really felt no different than when we weren't. Marriage, like any relationship, it requires work. You have to love that person enough to take them for who they are, quirks and all. I highly recommend living together first as well. Two people can be the best of friends and lovers when they have their own spaces to go back to at the end of the day. But that's not always true when you take the step of living together. Take it slow, don't rush, and make sure it's what you both want truly. Good luck, I really do hope it works out for you. :)
 
Marriage can be wonderful adn it can suck, just like most relationships. If you havn't been dating for at least a year then don't do it as you need to spend more time together first, also if you can live together first as you get a little more insight in to each other, not just the public face that people wear for dates. Also a big factor that most people forget, no matter how much you like her or she you, if one of you really hates the other's family in all honesty it probably won't work long term. People are their family they have shaped who they are and how they will be and most don't want to not see their families just because of who they married. Also would you really want to marry someone who doesn't want to see the people who raised them and took care of them, think how they'll be with your kids.
As for money distribution you have to decide on the one or three bank account system. Personally my wife and I use the one account system and she takes care of the daily stuff with it. This is more becaurse I used to spend a lot on car parts and having had to keep a close eye on run business expenses for 9 years I just don't want to do the same thing at home. Doesn't hurt that she's the one with the economics degree either. It also helps that we both make close to the same money so we can't really feel like one of us is spending the other's money.
Remember that the leading cause of divorce is money issues so have those worked out well in advance. Set long term goals and make sure that you both agree on them. In our case we both like to travel, want to own our house, don't like debt and retire early so we max out our retirement accounts, 401Ks, IRAs and investments, every year, bought a house well within our financial means, make sure we never have any credit card debt and have a vacation fund which has an auto transfer set-up for every paycheck that goes in to the main account. This makes all the money we want to save go away first so that we are truly spending disposible income, not money we need to live on or need in the future.
OK, I've rambled on far too long. basicaaly if you are thinking of marriage make damn sure you are ready for it and all the responibilities. You life will dramatically change within the first few years. If you are absolutely sure then go for it as it really is wonderful with the right person. And this is being said after just having an arguement with my wife this morniing, still wouldn't trade her for anything, well maybe the kids if I had too(second) .
 
Heres my advice. Live together FIRST, for at least 2+ years.

I lived with my girl from '98-01 before we got married. We knew exactly how each other lived by then. We knew the quirks, all the little things, and we knew that we could handle our money together.

I didnt notice any major changes after we got married (other than we both graduated college, moved, got real jobs, and bought a house :)
 
Been married for only 6 months now, but I was with her for about 7 years new she was a good girl just wasn't sure of myself been through rough relationships in the past and had a faze of adventureing to say the least being in the military it is hard to long distance thing but deep down inside I new she was the one and was in denial for about 4 of the 7 years we were together. I got stationed in my home town and lived with her for about 2 years the first year was the hardest it is not easy going from being independent and having your own set ways then having to compromise,but I raised above all that because I loved her and that is what marriage is about love,communication and compromising. I don't regret anything about getting married having someone to hug at night and wake up to that you love is alomost sureal. Don't rush when your ready you will know and so will she.
 
wow this is interesting. Once you guys get married how come you'll let the women take over??? lol
 
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