Need Relationship Advice ....

[girth]

One key thing to keep in mind is that she's just an INTERN -- there is no way it is THAT critical she attends all of these extra curricular activities. Interns are very disposable - no denying that fact.

As far as the relationship it is very simple -- you 2 are just not a good match. Obviously what you want in a relationship is different than what she wants. You stated that it's important to you that she be a little more courteous towards you, yet she gets upset and makes no effort to change. If I was in that situation I'd move on and try finding somebody who's values and actions are a better match of my own.

 

[Diehonda]

Like others have said, give her more space, try to be a little more romantic by doing something special for her here and there, call her and ask if you two can meet for lunch sometime while she is at work, and send her some of her favorite flowers at work.

The women here love when flowers come in. Being more romantic and doing special things for her may spark the enthusiasm that you two had when you first met and started dating.

Also, if you attempt to meet her for lunch and she quickly denies it, she tells you not to send flowers again after you send them, and doesn't show that the spark is coming back then you need to walk away or ask her to move out. Plain and simple. Either she is on your level or she isn't. If she can't have you flowers at work or meet you for lunch then she wants to be portrayed as single at work so that she is treated differently by her male coworkers. Not that anything is actually going on but seeming single can get you places at a firm. It happens at my work all of the time. You also deserve to have someone that appreciates you and shows it.

If you are too busy, tired, or not affectionate enough (or what ever excuse you/she wants to use) to spend more quality time together then there are serious issues. You have been dating for one year. The first few years of dating are the learning years. You should be excited to be around each other, bicker about things that you learn about each other, and test each other for proper fitment(both physically and mentally). This is the same period that you wake up in the middle of the night and have wild monkey sex, buy each other things that show that you care, listen and communicate because you finally found someone on your level, and ask her if she likes or would like to try anal.(dunno)

Worse case scenario you walk away with a lesson learned. You will know what you do or don't want in a future relationship. You two are in the same field so years later after you both grow and mature a little more you may come back with a new found interest in each other.

 

[LinuxRacr]

She is 6'2...

Pics?

 

[CantCMe]

I feel she needs to be more considerate...but remember if she's not considerate of your feelings now then it will get worse.

 

[mckraut]

Like some others have said here, give her some space. If she continues down this path too much longer (months), then I'd cut her loose. It's just not worth it being with someone who isn't going to put as much time, emotion and effort into the relationship as you are. Trust me, I've been there. I was in a long distance relationship with my ex-girlfriend (met her through a friend, she went to school hours away from here) and she thought of every excuse in the book not to come visit me on the weekends, I almost always had to go visit her. That's just one example, but you get my drift. The relationship was a one way valve and it sucked.

 

[azian6er]

here is one of us in Rome this christmas:

 

[azian6er]

hi

 

[CantCMe]

Question for you sir...did she ever tell you why da hell she didn't answer your SIX calls? Then she took a cab home? Think you should ask her about that man(boom07)

another one of my sweetie in Rome:

-Bry

 

[Matrix]

OKay, I'm an attorney. I've been practicing for a number of years, and I can tell you with some degree of certainty: A summer associate (basically a paid intern) is not REQUIRED to go to any such functions. I guarantee that the higher-ups in the firm don't even know who the hell she is. She's just a summer associate. They're honestly a dime a dozen. Her appearances at these functions don't do a damn thing.

You guys don't even sleep together...jeez man. If it's the beds, just put them in the same room together. I can't believe she closes the door and locks it each night. Good Lord. That's dysfunctional. I'm sorry, but even if she's not having sex with someone else, she is very likely scoping out someone she likes more than you and feels is "more successful."

 

[azian6er]

OKay, I'm an attorney. I've been practicing for a number of years, and I can tell you with some degree of certainty: A summer associate (basically a paid intern) is not REQUIRED to go to any such functions. I guarantee that the higher-ups in the firm don't even know who the hell she is. She's just a summer associate. They're honestly a dime a dozen. Her appearances at these functions don't do a damn thing.

You guys don't even sleep together...jeez man. If it's the beds, just put them in the same room together. I can't believe she closes the door and locks it each night. Good Lord. That's dysfunctional. I'm sorry, but even if she's not having sex with someone else, she is very likely scoping out someone she likes more than you and feels is "more successful."

yeah i know she isn't "required" to go, however I think she likes to go because it is a social outlet for her, and she enjoys it. Plus, it is nice to show that she is interested in the firm and wants to mingle.

She doesn't lock the door at night, she simply closes it. She values her rest, as do I because we both are busy at work and have lots to do.

Also its not like we aren't physical, we are -- just not as frequently as before because we have been going through some disagreements lately. I know she is still attracted to me (i hope!) so i dont think it is like she is trying to find someone else on the side who is more "high up" or anything. I just think that our disagreements about her work and my semi-controlling way of trying to get her to spend time with me has kinda placed some friction between us.

Things have been going better lately - I think that i just need to give her some more space and let her breathe. I had gotten pretty upset sometimes and raised my voice with her a few times which doesnt really help things, and I think that is a main thing that she has said is pushing her away from me.

One step at a time.
-Bry

 

[Foolish]

Dude. Bail. Sounds like she's not willing to do anything to keep the relationship working and you can't hold it together all by yourself. I know it can't be done, I've tried to do it, all you do is hurt yourself.

No, she doesn't have to go to these work functions, but the perception that she does is very strong at some firms. My wife just graduated law school, one of our friends is a second year very high up in her class, and she's doing the second year summer intern thing right now, so I have some idea what I'm talking about.

Your girl is doing what she thinks she needs to do for her career and school right now, and there's nothing wrong with that, but if you need her to spend more time with you, and she knows that, but won't budge, she's not as into you as she is her career, and you need to move on.

I'd say give her one more chance. Explain clearly to her that you don't expect her to give up her career for you, but that she has to make some compromises if she wants you to stay with her. If she can't do that, you've got to go.

 

[CantCMe]

yeah i know she isn't "required" to go, however I think she likes to go because it is a social outlet for her, and she enjoys it. Plus, it is nice to show that she is interested in the firm and wants to mingle.

She doesn't lock the door at night, she simply closes it. She values her rest, as do I because we both are busy at work and have lots to do.

Also its not like we aren't physical, we are -- just not as frequently as before because we have been going through some disagreements lately. I know she is still attracted to me (i hope!) so i dont think it is like she is trying to find someone else on the side who is more "high up" or anything. I just think that our disagreements about her work and my semi-controlling way of trying to get her to spend time with me has kinda placed some friction between us.

Things have been going better lately - I think that i just need to give her some more space and let her breathe. I had gotten pretty upset sometimes and raised my voice with her a few times which doesnt really help things, and I think that is a main thing that she has said is pushing her away from me.

One step at a time.
-Bry

The bottom line is, do the pros outweigh the cons (in YOUR opinion) in this relationship? It seems like you're putting more into it than she is, but if you're happy then hey. But just be careful.

 

[CantCMe]

But honestly I think you should end it. Quickly. Find someone that appreciates you more than it seems like she does.

 

[kickniteasy]

One step at a time.
-Bry

Best advice I could give. My girlfriend of 2 years and myself live together but chose a crappy time to do it. We moved in right when I started grad school and I think often we have similar "discussions" you and your girlfriend seem to be having. Basically I'm constantly busy doing work and when I'm not busy I just want to be left alone to catch my breath. Being young ourselves (23 and 24) it's straight hectic to be starting a life and maintaining a relationship. Sounds like you both need to just take a couples steps back, breath a bit, and see where things take you. Don't let worrying about the future screw up the present.

 

[mckraut]

Upon further reading of this thread, I'd love to get her side of the story.

 

[LinuxRacr]

Upon further reading of this thread, I'd love to get her side of the story.

Ditto.

 

[TreFlip999]

22 and 24? both of you need to let it go and focus on your careers..relationships, women and all that will still be there when your done...Dont be an ass and stress over a female, you should be worried about your exams for law school and making a name for yourself

 

[azian6er]

Ditto.

she has seen the thread, maybe i will suggest she sign up and give her input. That way it is a true assessment rather than just my side.

Really, i appreciate everyone's input.

-Bryan

 

[Diehonda]

she has seen the thread, maybe i will suggest she sign up and give her input. That way it is a true assessment rather than just my side.

Really, i appreciate everyone's input.

-Bryan

Has seeing this thread opened up a line of communication for you two? Has it improved anything? Do you have a greater understanding of her side of the issue?

 

[CantCMe]

Has seeing this thread opened up a line of communication for you two? Has it improved anything? Do you have a greater understanding of her side of the issue?

I was about to ask the same thing...