moving on and leaving behind something important...

[element.8]

alright, i definitely need some help on this one...

(and if you take the time to read all of this, i commend you...)

so, i've been offered a job and a much more beneficial life in tempe, arizona. obviously it would involving packing up, moving, and leaving behind all that i know here in michigan to go out there and live permanantly. i have two of my best friends in the entire world out there, whom i would be staying with, and i also have the knowledge that i would actually have a job in a career path that i'm interested in and was trained in (video production).

these afforementioned items are more than enough to motivate anyone to move.

but...(as there is always a 'but')


i would be leaving behind here in michigan two of the most important things in my life.

01. i'm a dj. i love techno and electronic music. its my life. its my blood. its one of the only things i've ever done with my life that i'm actually proud of and that i concider something worthwhile to tell my children and grandchildren. if i move to tempe, i can basically, and with an almost 100% confidence, say that i will never ever get to play the music that i love so much for a crowd of people. they arn't a techno-literate area, and trying to start something up out there would more than likely fail miserably. i have a good established dj career out here. i play on a fairly regular basis, and i have more than enough friends in and around the scene to keep me happy when i play, and to put some extra cash on my plate to pay the bills at the end of every month. giving this up will be absolutely devistating to me, unless there is a small opportunity and chance i could bring what i know and love here with me to arizona.

02. i'm in love with the most amazing girl i've ever met in my entire life. the catch being she's canadian, 100% born and raised. now, some of you are going to say "just move with her, or have her move with you". its not that easy. its almost impossible for her to get a citizenship without being involved in a marriage, and even then its never a guaranteed thing. she is also in to fashion design, so her moving to tempe, arizona wouldn't be beneficial to her in any way. she's already concidering going through the drugery and moving to either la or new york to persue her career path, or she'll be moving to toronto and not go through the hassels of citizenship in the usa. leaving her behind would probably break me down inside to the point where i don't function the same socially around the opposite sex. i know, deep down in my heart, that the odds of finding someone just as amazing as her are slim to none, so i could almost completely write "happy family" out of my future at this point. (how optimisitic of me, eh?) if i move, it is guaranteed that we are "over". she said so herself when i told her all of the news about arizona. there is no way we could do a long distance relationship. s***, we hardly even get to see each other as it is now, and i'm only an hour away. our work schedules are just that opposite, that it keeps us from each other as long as a month at a time (which, in itself, is quite disheartening). the problem here in lies in the fact that if i were to stay in michigan just solely for her, i would probably be the most miserable man on the face of the earth. i would have given up a perfect career opportunity, i would be stuck with the bad roads and weather that i absolutely hate, and i would probably go about my daily routines with the utmost of cynicism and disdain to the point where no one would want to talk to me.


the question i ask is...

is it worth giving up two of the most important things in your life to keep from losing your mind in a place that you absolutely cannot stand anymore?



such a tough decision...

its kept me awake many a nights in the last few weeks...*sigh*...

 

[Black Majik MSP]

It sounds like you have your true passion & the love of your life in Michigan. Despite how hard everything else might be, those are 2 things that many people spend their entire life searching for. If I were you, I wouldn't give them up for anything. If you move to Arizona, I bet you'll end up feeling empty. Things might go well there, but you'll constantly be wishing you could share it with your DJ friends & your gf.

You might be able to find another job up there or maybe move a short distance to some place that you don't hate so much.

EDIT: Not everyone feels the same way, but personally I'd rather have those 2 things & be poor, than be well off without them.

 

[element.8]

its not so much just being well off.

i honestly cannot ******* stand michigan much anymore. i live in portland, oregon for three months when i was doing some training on film editing, and ever since then i've had this great disdain for michigan.

its so boring and vapid, and the weather and roads and people just drive me up a wall now. especially the weather. i don't think i can handle another michigan winter. its bad enough i'm bipolar, but being cooped up in my room when its -10 outside and we have 3ft. of snow is just ******* nerve racking.

 

[Black Majik MSP]

Talk to her about all of this...communication is a key part of successful relationships.

 

[DooMer_MP3]

1) Work on starting a scene there. You love the music, others will. Spread the music.

2) If its meant to be, love will find a way.

Sounds like you're ready for a change. Do something for YOU for once. Otherwise you'll look back and wonder why you didn't.

Chris

 

[clownphish]

It sounds to me like you and your gf may need to go do your own things for now. You both seem to be headed for your own career paths now, but who says you can't both hook up later when you're a little more established? I'm not saying you should go, but you are obviously miserable there and she sounds like a person who wants you to be happy - she realizes the importance you not holding her from her career and vice versa. You both may not be up for a LDR but that doesn't mean you can't stay in touch and be close - if you love eachother that much, no distance can break that bond. As for DJing, I know nothing about Tempe, AZ, LOL, but I know there're a lot of AZ peeps on this board that could probably hook you up to a scene relatively close (hopefully ).

Whatever you do, follow your heart and what makes you happy. Above all else, I'm sure the AZ peeps will help you out and welcome you with open arms and keep you from being too miserable. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[dr_sarcasm]

Jesus man...you've put it in such a way that it sounds as if moving away is the most catastrophic thing that could happen to you...

Stay put, be a happy guy, and get yourself actively involved in finding a better career in your neck of the woods.



dr_"jobs should not be placed above human happiness"_sarcasm.

 

[TX Speed Demon]

01. i'm a dj. i love techno and electronic music. its my life. its my blood. its one of the only things i've ever done with my life that i'm actually proud of and that i concider something worthwhile to tell my children and grandchildren. if i move to tempe, i can basically, and with an almost 100% confidence, say that i will never ever get to play the music that i love so much for a crowd of people. they arn't a techno-literate area, and trying to start something up out there would more than likely fail miserably. i have a good established dj career out here. i play on a fairly regular basis, and i have more than enough friends in and around the scene to keep me happy when i play, and to put some extra cash on my plate to pay the bills at the end of every month. giving this up will be absolutely devistating to me, unless there is a small opportunity and chance i could bring what i know and love here with me to arizona.

I think you are soooooooooo wrong here. I haven't lived there in 5 years so it may have changed, but I visited and found much the same as when I lived there. Tempe may not have the same scene as Detroit, but it does have a good scene. Remember Tempe is a college town, with a college that has over 50,000 students, and has consistantly been rated one of the best party schools in the US. Plus there is always Scottsdale that has tons of trance and house clubs, more than any other type. There are plenty of great little record shops in both those areas and in Mesa. You will be pleasantly surprised. I still remember just getting into the rave scene in Tempe, and those parties were some of the best I have ever been too. Certainly better than the ones here in Dallas. And here in Dallas I've seen Oakenfold, DJ Icey (twice), John Digweed (twice), Dave Ralph, Sandra Collins and others.... all big name DJs but none had the same vibe and crowd as the ones I went to as a student at Arozona State University in Tempe.

If you have put on good shows and have tapes or samples I'm sure you will have NO trouble getting into the club scene in Phoenix. If you don't have show tapes just put together a few sample cds and drop them off at the local clubs. If you're any good it won't take long for you to find something.

You could also DJ at frat parties. May not be your scene, but it's a good opportunity to get in front of a decent local crowd an they happen almost every weekend.

02. i'm in love with the most amazing girl i've ever met in my entire life. the catch being she's canadian, 100% born and raised. now, some of you are going to say "just move with her, or have her move with you". its not that easy. its almost impossible for her to get a citizenship without being involved in a marriage, and even then its never a guaranteed thing. she is also in to fashion design, so her moving to tempe, arizona wouldn't be beneficial to her in any way. she's already concidering going through the drugery and moving to either la or new york to persue her career path, or she'll be moving to toronto and not go through the hassels of citizenship in the usa. leaving her behind would probably break me down inside to the point where i don't function the same socially around the opposite sex. i know, deep down in my heart, that the odds of finding someone just as amazing as her are slim to none, so i could almost completely write "happy family" out of my future at this point. (how optimisitic of me, eh?) if i move, it is guaranteed that we are "over". she said so herself when i told her all of the news about arizona. there is no way we could do a long distance relationship. s***, we hardly even get to see each other as it is now, and i'm only an hour away. our work schedules are just that opposite, that it keeps us from each other as long as a month at a time (which, in itself, is quite disheartening). the problem here in lies in the fact that if i were to stay in michigan just solely for her, i would probably be the most miserable man on the face of the earth. i would have given up a perfect career opportunity, i would be stuck with the bad roads and weather that i absolutely hate, and i would probably go about my daily routines with the utmost of cynicism and disdain to the point where no one would want to talk to me.

If you know staying just for her will not make you happy, than she is not the most important thing in your life. Not to say your relationship isn't important, but if it's not strong enough to last a long distance relationship, it's not strong enough to last a long marriage.

I say go out to AZ, get your life in order and keep in contact with this girl. And if she moves to LA you will only be 3 hours away. i used to drive to LA just for the weekends when I lived in Phoenix. Plus Vegas is only 5 hours away so a quick trip to the Elvis Chapel of Love is an easy possibility too.

 

[Black Majik MSP]

"jobs should not be placed above human happiness"

Exactly how I feel. (thumb)

 

[element.8]

there's no way in hell that me and her would ever not keep in touch. short of her being kidnapped and put to work on a slave labour ring, or smuggling plutonium for the russian mafia, we'll always keep in touch. her and i have been best friends for the last three years, so losing contact would be like losing a testicle.

i'm definitely leaning more towards moving. i think, after 22yrs. of sitting my white ass in the middle of waterworld (michigan), i need a change. i need something new. i need to actually live a life instead of going on day-to-day with the same, contrived, boring and predictable drivel that i've done for the last few years.

i need some variety, and i need something to pique my interest. right now, there's none of that here.

 

[clownphish]

IMO you've already made the decision. You just have to take the action now. It will be hard but the return will be well worth it. ALL the best luck in your new life! You deserve it and I know you will make the right decisions to make you happy.

 

[FoRNiK8ToR]

when you move to AZ and get rich, you can always find some new (boobs) ... chicks dig dudes with $

in all seriousness, i just moved from NJ to CA out of school first job, yadda yadda yadda... left behind family and friends from the past 20 years and a gf from the past 4. haven't looked back yet... good job, good money, i'll meet other friends/girls. and everyone back home is still just a phone call away...

if that helps you at all

 

[RaiderMS3]

It sounds like Tempe is good to go for the DJ equipment, so take that with you. That problem is solved.

Now comes the biggest thing. The girlfriend. If she need to know that you really want to be with her, tell her you want to be with her for the rest of your life. Bite the bullet, and go get a ring. If she says yes, it will open a new host of distance problems possibly. But she may get citizenship easier than you think. If now was the time to make that big of a decision, this is it.

You need what seems to be a new start. Get the hell out of Dodge, and start a new chapter of your life.

I know, because I made the decision to quit my job, move form CA to FL 3 years ago to be with my then fiance. Tomorrow we will be married for 2 years. If I stayed in CA, I would have lost my job due to layoffs. I moved to FL, and was laid off in May, still looking for work too. You never know, unless you act.

If you do not make the move, you will regret it forever. Just take the girl with you. Physically, or spirtually.

 

[shinzen]

Jobs will come and go, but love will keep you happy. If you want to talk about a good scene for both your job and passion for music- LA or NY would be a far better place than AZ or michigan. Don't make a decision to go somewhere where you know you wouldn't be happy with anything but your job- when you are on your deathbed you won't remember the job you were at 9-5, you'll remember what and who you loved

 

[Newf]

I agree, jobs come and go. As for the dj thing, I also did this for about 12 years. Eventually I too had to give it up for reasons I care not to mention. I'm better off since doing just that as I have been able to spend my energies doing something more important and more beneficial not only to my career, but my life in general. There is more to life then clubs/music/drinking etc.

AS for the job thing, Iwas also in a similar situation. was offered a job far away, had a new woman I had just met here in town. The job was for VERY good money , and at the time I was fresh out of university and not working at all. I turned down the job, stayed here with her, and I have no regrets whatsoever. I went almost a year before finding a good job, and even today, 6 yrs later, I am not making the kind of money I would have made if I had left. But, I'm still with her, and I couldn't be happier.

Jobs come and go, money isn't everything. Weather sucks whereever you go in most cases, and as for the dj thing, I wouldn't even consider that important enough to get worked up about. If you do move, and your new job turns into a real career, are you really going to keep DJ'ing? Or is the DJ thing really an excuse? If the woman really does mean that much to you, the choice to me is obvious. But only you know that. Another thing you need to know is whether or not she feels the same way about you. Because if she doesn't, then that changes everything.

 

[bazooka joe]

"is it worth giving up two of the most important things in your life to keep from losing your mind in a place that you absolutely cannot stand anymore?"


no, not if they are the two most important things in your life!!

 

[Notorious]

01 - every city is gonna have their techno thing. Unless your talking like 80s techno here your not gonna have a problem finding a place to spin.

02 - if you certain that this girl could be the one and you really want her. Ask her if she wants to go with you. Just communicate with her and see where it goes. Take it one step at a time. Cross the long bridges when you get there.

 

[element.8]

lordy lordy lordy...


so much to take in...and so much to think about...



::.edit...

forgot to mention...

thank you to everyone that's given some input to this. i really do appreciate it.

i guess i've hit that wall where i've thought so much about it, that i just get lost in my own mind and want to pass out or swallow a frisbee.

the outside opinion is usually the best.

 

[gino]

Let's take a look at what's involved here. From the replies to your post, all of might be close to evenly--or so--divided. There are points for both arguments.

But, in the long run, are you really gonna be happy if you stay in the Rust Belt? I was born and lived in Chicago until my family moved west. I assure you, I could never go back to the midwest, job, girl, you name it. And my wife--born and raised in NYC--did the same thing. Finally had enough of it--mainly, the weather, at 23 and left all she knew behind--a job in travel she loved, family, friends, her long-time S.O., all of it. All she had was her car, her belongings and her bank account when she headed for Denver. That was 18 years ago. She still says she's never regretted it for a New York minute.

So, you're a DJ and you love it. I spent 20 years in radio/tv, including a long stint as a PD and jock in pop music, and had difficulty leaving that to get into news broadcasting, which got me into a major market. I left a fun job, a great girl and headed for another city. Eventually, I left broadcasting--which I dearly loved--for a better job offer in another field of communications. I needed a change and a fresh challenge. Again, after comparing the two, I'd never go back, even though there are great memories from the broadcasting days.

Okay, so the love of your life is into her own career. You have a choice: stay where you are for the job you love almost as much as your S.O., and stay for your admittedly difficult-to-carry-on relationship, or follow where she may go--Toronto, L.A. or NYC, wherever. Time has a tendency to change all things and that includes relationships, as well as job considerations.

One of the things in life we all find difficult, in one way or another, is change: no one--I repeat, no one initially likes change; it's emotionally tough. It breaks up the comfortable routine--your family, your girl, your job, your 'hood, your whole way of life. New isn't easy, but it can be so damn rewarding...

If, as you say, "It's time to move," it's time.

As a good bud of mine said when I had to pull up everything and leave for a contract job on the Left Coast for a couple of years--something I really didn't want to do for the reasons you relate--"You gotta do what you gotta do."

My apologies; I didn't mean for this to be a sermon. Best of luck. You'll make the right choice. (yes)

 

[element.8]

this is weighing so heavily on my mind that i managed to drop an entire case of beer at work, shooting killians irish red all over the kitchen floor, including my new shoes.


i'm going catatonic over this...