- :
- '13 CWP MS3 & '16 Mazda6 GT
This site is filled with hours worth of reading material lol I'll post some funnier ones I find.
If you find one, post it lol
Enjoy
Turtle Sandbox
Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:46:23
From Timmy Tucker to ***********@**********.org
RE: Swingset Assembly
Hey,
I saw you are looking for someone to assemble your wooden swing set. First off, I must say that a swing set is a horrible toy for a child. I had a swing set as a kid, and broke three of my ribs and tore my ACL on it. My career in little league soccer was ruined. I recommend that you get your child a sandbox. I have an old sandbox that I am not using, and would be willing to sell to you for $300. It is an awesome sandbox. It is shaped like a turtle, and the lid is part of the turtle too. It comes with beautiful sand filled from a beach on Coney Island, NY. Let me know if you are interested.
Tim
From John ******** to Me
i dont want your sandbox. i already bought the swingset for my kid and am sticking with that. its your own damn fault you got hurt on your swingset
From Timmy Tucker to John ******
John,
Actually it is not my fault. The swingset had a faulty design and the swing came off while I was in the air, and I was sent flying into oncoming traffic. I am lucky to be alive. If you do not want your son mangled by a Dodge Caravan, then you should buy my sandbox instead. Sandboxes are 100% safe.
Tim
From John ******** to Me
**** your sandbox. i want my kid to have fun, not to sit in some dirty ass sand from new york. i am not an idiot and will not set up my swingset where my child can be thrown into oncoming traffic.
From Timmy Tucker to John ******
Well it sounds like you won't set up your swingset at all without my help. Are you a quadriplegic? Why are you incapable of putting a swingset together?
If you are a quadriplegic and I have offended you, I am sorry. In that case, would you be interested in my sandbox for your crippled body to relax in? Seeing as you can't use the swingset anyway, it would be way more practical for you.
From John ******** to Me
**** OFF STOP EMAILING ME
________________________________________________________________
Barter My ***** Wife
Posted at: 2009-06-12 01:49:36
This one was a little tricky. If you didn't figure it out, I am both Mike Anderson and Kira Anderson.
Original ad:
i am looking to trade/barter my 1994 Jeep Wrangler. 140k miles, yellow, good condition. NO CASH. I will barter just about anything of equal value!
From Mike Anderson to **********@***********.org
CC: Kira Anderson
Hey,
I saw your ad for a '94 Wrangler for barter. I will trade you my ***** of a wife for that car. She is a dirty little slut that ***** just about anything that moves. She doesn't really have much to offer, so I figure she is worth about the price of a used 1994 wrangler. I understand if you think she isn't worth it, so I am willing to throw in $200 cash on top of that. If you are looking for a loose ***** that will give it up easily, my wife will be well worth the trade. Let me know if you are interested. Does the Wrangler come with a title?
From Jim ***** to Me
Ha ha! Very funny. I am married and don't think I would be interested in your wife. Thanks for the offer though!
From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****
OH **** YOU MIKE!! DROP ******* DEAD!!! YOU ARE SUCH A SCUMBAG PIECE OF s*** I ******* HATE YOU!!!
From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****
**** YOU, you stupid ****! What are you doing on the computer? I figured you were ******* Steve again. Or how about our neighbor? I'm sure he's looking to stick his dick in some rotten pussy. You ******* twat.
From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****
MIKE YOU ******* ASSHOLE THIS IS IT. DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT COMING HOME TODAY BECAUSE ILL BE WAITING WITH A ****** KNIFE
From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****
Ooh I'm real ******* scared. It might be kind of hard to stab me with 10 inches of black dick in your mouth you ******* *****
From Jim ***** to Me, Kira Anderson
Hey you two sound like a great couple and all, but could you stop including me in these e-mails? I really don't think this concerns me.
From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****
TELL YOU WHAT JIM ILL BUY YOUR ******* WRANGLER SO I CAN RUN OVER MY PIECE OF s*** HUSBAND WITH IT
From Mike Anderson to Jim *****, Kira Anderson
Jim don't sell it to her. She'll probably pick up a random dude and crash the jeep while she's sucking his dick.
From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****
**** YOU
From Jim ***** to Me, Kira Anderson
Will both of you shut the **** up and stop e-mailing me? Jesus ******* christ man c'mon!
_____________________________________________________________
Horse Farm
Posted at: 2009-07-14 15:12:55
Original ad:
I am a 18 year old looking for a summer job. it is hard for me to find work and I just want a job so I can afford a car for college next summer. I can clean, babysit, answer phones, pretty much whatever as long as it pays!!
From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org
Hey,
I saw your ad looking for work and I think I have a job for you! I am looking for an assistant on my farm for the summer. It will involve working outdoors. Let me know if you are interested.
Mike
From Stephanie ******* to Me
Hi Mike! I am interested in your job! I love animals and used to ride horses so a farm would be great! what kind of work would I be doing, and where is your farm located? it needs to be close to ******** so my parents can drop me off and pick meup
From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie,
It is very close to **********. I'm glad to hear you are familiar with horses, because you will be primarily working with horses.
My farm gets all the old horses that other farms don't need anymore, and they are starting to take up a lot of room in my stable, which I want to turn into a garage for my new truck. Therefore, the horses need to go. As my assistant, you will be in charge of killing the horses and dumping them in the lake behind my farm.
I used to have a captive bolt pistol (cattle gun) that I used to put them down, but it broke when I tried to use it to tap a keg. You'll probably have to use my 12-gauge shotgun to put them down. Sometimes they don't die right away when you shoot them, and will start freaking out. You just have to stay calm and keep shooting. Don't worry, I'll show you how to use the shotgun if you aren't familiar with one.
You then need to use my chainsaw to cut the horses into smaller parts that you can carry down to the lake. It can get a little messy, so I suggest wearing some clothes that you don't care about, or some clothes that the horse blood would compliment.
The lake isn't mine, it is my neighbor's. He gets kind of angry when he sees me dumping dead horses in his lake, so you have to make sure he isn't around when you do it. I have some cinderblocks you can use to weigh the horses down so he won't see them.
I have a lot of horses, and each horse takes about an hour and a half to dispose of, so you should have plenty of work. The job will pay $15 an hour. When can you start?
Mike
From Stephanie ******* to Me
omg that is HORRIBLE! That is truely awful and sick!! Why cant you just give the poor horses away? sorry but I am not helping you slaughter horses!!!
From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie,
I'm sorry if you are a bit surprised, but this is how farms work. You can't give away old horses, you have to kill them. I thought about it, and if you don't want to use the chainsaw to cut up the horses, you can just use my truck to drag them down to the lake. Do you have your license or permit? If not, this could be good driving practice for you. You don't want to pass up on this great job opportunity.
Mike
From Stephanie ******* to Me
No that is not how farms work you are just SICK! I am NOT interested
From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie you are going to regret this some day when you try to get a real job. I think this would look great on your resume.
If you find one, post it lol
Enjoy
Turtle Sandbox
Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:46:23
From Timmy Tucker to ***********@**********.org
RE: Swingset Assembly
Hey,
I saw you are looking for someone to assemble your wooden swing set. First off, I must say that a swing set is a horrible toy for a child. I had a swing set as a kid, and broke three of my ribs and tore my ACL on it. My career in little league soccer was ruined. I recommend that you get your child a sandbox. I have an old sandbox that I am not using, and would be willing to sell to you for $300. It is an awesome sandbox. It is shaped like a turtle, and the lid is part of the turtle too. It comes with beautiful sand filled from a beach on Coney Island, NY. Let me know if you are interested.
Tim
From John ******** to Me
i dont want your sandbox. i already bought the swingset for my kid and am sticking with that. its your own damn fault you got hurt on your swingset
From Timmy Tucker to John ******
John,
Actually it is not my fault. The swingset had a faulty design and the swing came off while I was in the air, and I was sent flying into oncoming traffic. I am lucky to be alive. If you do not want your son mangled by a Dodge Caravan, then you should buy my sandbox instead. Sandboxes are 100% safe.
Tim
From John ******** to Me
**** your sandbox. i want my kid to have fun, not to sit in some dirty ass sand from new york. i am not an idiot and will not set up my swingset where my child can be thrown into oncoming traffic.
From Timmy Tucker to John ******
Well it sounds like you won't set up your swingset at all without my help. Are you a quadriplegic? Why are you incapable of putting a swingset together?
If you are a quadriplegic and I have offended you, I am sorry. In that case, would you be interested in my sandbox for your crippled body to relax in? Seeing as you can't use the swingset anyway, it would be way more practical for you.
From John ******** to Me
**** OFF STOP EMAILING ME
________________________________________________________________
Barter My ***** Wife
Posted at: 2009-06-12 01:49:36
This one was a little tricky. If you didn't figure it out, I am both Mike Anderson and Kira Anderson.
Original ad:
i am looking to trade/barter my 1994 Jeep Wrangler. 140k miles, yellow, good condition. NO CASH. I will barter just about anything of equal value!
From Mike Anderson to **********@***********.org
CC: Kira Anderson
Hey,
I saw your ad for a '94 Wrangler for barter. I will trade you my ***** of a wife for that car. She is a dirty little slut that ***** just about anything that moves. She doesn't really have much to offer, so I figure she is worth about the price of a used 1994 wrangler. I understand if you think she isn't worth it, so I am willing to throw in $200 cash on top of that. If you are looking for a loose ***** that will give it up easily, my wife will be well worth the trade. Let me know if you are interested. Does the Wrangler come with a title?
From Jim ***** to Me
Ha ha! Very funny. I am married and don't think I would be interested in your wife. Thanks for the offer though!
From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****
OH **** YOU MIKE!! DROP ******* DEAD!!! YOU ARE SUCH A SCUMBAG PIECE OF s*** I ******* HATE YOU!!!
From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****
**** YOU, you stupid ****! What are you doing on the computer? I figured you were ******* Steve again. Or how about our neighbor? I'm sure he's looking to stick his dick in some rotten pussy. You ******* twat.
From Kira Anderson to Me, Jim *****
MIKE YOU ******* ASSHOLE THIS IS IT. DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT COMING HOME TODAY BECAUSE ILL BE WAITING WITH A ****** KNIFE
From Mike Anderson to Kira Anderson, Jim *****
Ooh I'm real ******* scared. It might be kind of hard to stab me with 10 inches of black dick in your mouth you ******* *****
From Jim ***** to Me, Kira Anderson
Hey you two sound like a great couple and all, but could you stop including me in these e-mails? I really don't think this concerns me.
From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****
TELL YOU WHAT JIM ILL BUY YOUR ******* WRANGLER SO I CAN RUN OVER MY PIECE OF s*** HUSBAND WITH IT
From Mike Anderson to Jim *****, Kira Anderson
Jim don't sell it to her. She'll probably pick up a random dude and crash the jeep while she's sucking his dick.
From Kira Anderson to Mike Anderson, Jim *****
**** YOU
From Jim ***** to Me, Kira Anderson
Will both of you shut the **** up and stop e-mailing me? Jesus ******* christ man c'mon!
_____________________________________________________________
Horse Farm
Posted at: 2009-07-14 15:12:55
Original ad:
I am a 18 year old looking for a summer job. it is hard for me to find work and I just want a job so I can afford a car for college next summer. I can clean, babysit, answer phones, pretty much whatever as long as it pays!!
From Mike Anderson to ***********@***********.org
Hey,
I saw your ad looking for work and I think I have a job for you! I am looking for an assistant on my farm for the summer. It will involve working outdoors. Let me know if you are interested.
Mike
From Stephanie ******* to Me
Hi Mike! I am interested in your job! I love animals and used to ride horses so a farm would be great! what kind of work would I be doing, and where is your farm located? it needs to be close to ******** so my parents can drop me off and pick meup
From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie,
It is very close to **********. I'm glad to hear you are familiar with horses, because you will be primarily working with horses.
My farm gets all the old horses that other farms don't need anymore, and they are starting to take up a lot of room in my stable, which I want to turn into a garage for my new truck. Therefore, the horses need to go. As my assistant, you will be in charge of killing the horses and dumping them in the lake behind my farm.
I used to have a captive bolt pistol (cattle gun) that I used to put them down, but it broke when I tried to use it to tap a keg. You'll probably have to use my 12-gauge shotgun to put them down. Sometimes they don't die right away when you shoot them, and will start freaking out. You just have to stay calm and keep shooting. Don't worry, I'll show you how to use the shotgun if you aren't familiar with one.
You then need to use my chainsaw to cut the horses into smaller parts that you can carry down to the lake. It can get a little messy, so I suggest wearing some clothes that you don't care about, or some clothes that the horse blood would compliment.
The lake isn't mine, it is my neighbor's. He gets kind of angry when he sees me dumping dead horses in his lake, so you have to make sure he isn't around when you do it. I have some cinderblocks you can use to weigh the horses down so he won't see them.
I have a lot of horses, and each horse takes about an hour and a half to dispose of, so you should have plenty of work. The job will pay $15 an hour. When can you start?
Mike
From Stephanie ******* to Me
omg that is HORRIBLE! That is truely awful and sick!! Why cant you just give the poor horses away? sorry but I am not helping you slaughter horses!!!
From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie,
I'm sorry if you are a bit surprised, but this is how farms work. You can't give away old horses, you have to kill them. I thought about it, and if you don't want to use the chainsaw to cut up the horses, you can just use my truck to drag them down to the lake. Do you have your license or permit? If not, this could be good driving practice for you. You don't want to pass up on this great job opportunity.
Mike
From Stephanie ******* to Me
No that is not how farms work you are just SICK! I am NOT interested
From Mike Anderson to Stephanie *********
Stephanie you are going to regret this some day when you try to get a real job. I think this would look great on your resume.
