So help me out here. I've been with this girl 3 years and I'm really having trouble pulling the trigger and just taking the steps in asking her to marry me. I'll come up with different things that I think might be hindering me. I've already spoken with her Dad. Everyone is expecting me to because I've expressed the initial interest... I just can't get on with it. I love her. It's not overwhelming. There are things that irritate the s*** out of me about her. I think it's normal. We like to do a lot of the same things. She IS my rock I'm attracted to her, but it's not electric and sexual chemistry is OK. Like, should I not be doing this? We're trying to buy a house. And this is a move that I expect to make for at least 10 years. I'll be making a home with her permanently. She's done this once before with a BF out of college and I think I owe it to her to not put her in that position again because that house that she purchased she still owns and is a MAJOR reason we can't get this loan accomplished with the new house. Even if we don't what kind of a person would I be if I broke it off after that? Wow... that's a s***-bag move. Why can I not just say, "I love you and I know I don't want to be without you"? Most of the time I write to get ideas down on paper to help think through. This time... I want to know what an outsider thinks from my point-of-view.
Having trouble pulling the trigger.
- Thread starter Domino81
- Start date
You know if you want to marry her or not, and you have an idea of if she will say yes or no. If you want to marry her then I say go for it, but forget about rushing into a house. Get your bills paid off and figure out whats to become of the house she already owns
+1. Why can't you "pull the trigger"? What's stopping you? The sexual fireworks, etc. will eventually fade some in all relationships. But it's the long term feelings you have (if you have them) that are the sustainable ones. And I don't mean once you get married you won't have sex but every new relationship is filled with butterflies and romance and all those "new" feelings. You've been with your girlfriend long enough to know if she's the one you want to be in your life for long term. Marriage isn't something anyone should step lightly into so kudos to you for being analytical.
Good luck!
So it's just the asking part you're having problems with, correct? Not the long term aspects of being married to her specifically?
I said to a friend last year when we were all in Gettysburg for a wedding, he asked what's holding you back? I said, it's not that I don't love her. Because I do. I said that I wasn't sure if I loved her enough. Maybe that's just another excuse. Maybe it's just the old question of, "can you see yourself waking up next to her every day for the rest of your life." I know I'm good with growing old with her. I've always said that if I want someone to walk with me through life it's her.
mysleeper6
Member
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- 2006 Mazdaspeed6
I heard a guy on "The Bob and Tom Show" today (he was some type of psychologist, I think) say he tells his kids to "marry your second spouse first". Of course, he was partly joking, but there is a practical aspect to that advice, as well. I think he meant to make certain you are not just infatuated, or that you're not doing it because you can't stand to be alone, or taking her on as a project (my first wife, stripper failure); that your love is for the right reasons. When you meet someone new at a party, are you excited and proud to introduce her to them? Do you share some major common interests, but also have some things that are just yours, but she respects and encourages (and vice versa)? Do you share similar views about money and financial goals? Don't underestimate this! Finally, does she have your back? Does she love you in spite of your faults?
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to pick a fight or anything, but I'm honestly having a hard time with your comment "I wasn't sure if I loved her enough." Not quite sure what that means. How do you not know if you love someone enough. Are you in love with the idea of her, or are you in love with her? You already answered yes to all the questions asked above. (dunno)
I love my gf, I'm just not madly in love with her. I always thought that's how it was supposed to be. Makes me feel like there's something wrong with me.But of course I love my gf.
Hmmm.... I don't know how to respond to that. Are you comparing yourself to a model set forth by tv and movies? Or do you mean "OMG, I can't breathe when you're not around" madly. Cuz that's called co-dependency. LOL!
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- '13 CWP MS3 & '16 Mazda6 GT
Yeah....if you're basing love off of the "fireworks fly everytime we kiss" movie/tv idea then you're all wrong. But if you love your GF enough that you want to spend your life with her and deal with all the things that come with marriage then there should be nothing stopping you. Waiting for some sort of movie moment to happen to assure you isnt going to happen outside of a movie.
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- 2003 Black Mica MazdaSpeed Protege
Yep, what the Monkeys have said....
Life isn't always peaches and cream and rose petals strewn about; those good times do happen, yes...but you have to be ready to deal with the crummy stuff that can happen: job loss, health issues, financial issues...and know that you have your spouse next to you and that they are going to be able to slog through and conquer the crummy times together with you. Yes, things annoy me about my hubby (just as I know there are things about me that annoy him), but I love him and I wouldn't want anyone else next to me to head through life with - for the good times and the bad.
Life isn't always peaches and cream and rose petals strewn about; those good times do happen, yes...but you have to be ready to deal with the crummy stuff that can happen: job loss, health issues, financial issues...and know that you have your spouse next to you and that they are going to be able to slog through and conquer the crummy times together with you. Yes, things annoy me about my hubby (just as I know there are things about me that annoy him), but I love him and I wouldn't want anyone else next to me to head through life with - for the good times and the bad.
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- '13 CWP MS3 & '16 Mazda6 GT
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- '13 CWP MS3 & '16 Mazda6 GT
I highly doubt Mickey Mouse's dog ever said that...I dont think he even spoke. That was Goofy...
Goliat6288
Member
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- 1998 Mazda Millenia L
wat ever happened with this? did u pull the trigger or not?
