GHOSTWHISPER
Member
Dont read this is you are feeling good about your day, i didnt read it again, so mis-spelled words, and grammer are left untouched, i dont care anyways.
Everyday I feel my life gets harder, and harder. I dont know why, maybe I think about it to much. As my life has progressed, everyone I once trusted has deceaved me, all my friends I once had great times with are gone. I own my own buisness, I make good money, I go to a great school. But life still sucks for me. I dont get joy out of the things I use to. I dream of Castles, and ferraris, and lavish things. I know they are all in my grasp I just have to work hard. But I feel worse everyday. I am getting smothered from media, whats new , whats been happening in the news, in the world. Why does Paris Hiltons emails excite me? I take a step back , and look in the mirror at myself, with my glasses that are due from looking at the PC screen to much, and looking at a projector from school to long, I look at myself, and say this is all bulls***, how I would love to destroy everything. How I look at the television and see shows on MTV like my sweet 16, where spoiled bitches whine about how they didnt get a range rover at 16. Is this it , is this what i have to look forward to in my life? My heart is racing. Am i going to die off and be sick like everyone else in my family due to heart failure, and cancer.
I look at my girlfriend of almost 4 years. I am her first boyfriend ever. Will one day she realize that I am not everything she hoped for, and up and leave? Why is it I have knowone to really tell any of this to, but I feel so comfortable telling all of you this? Will I be lonely rich man, that gets caught up in politics of the world? Is there anyway I can do anything to change any of this? Sometimes i feel like I can do anything, and I really believe it, but them sometimes I feel like I can do it, but whats the point. I sit here sending out emails to future customers, pitching them ideas, why cant I call them, why cant I visit them and talk to them face to face, why do people choose to talk over IM and Email then over the phone? Why instead of a girl asking for your number she asks for your email? I guess knowone knows all this. But i am only 21 maybe this is a phase. I am 9th in my class at Reed, I have changed my major 3 times, 1st from Computer Science, to Computer Engineering, to Physics. What I am going to do with that, or any of those degrees. I once wanted to work for DOD, or NSA, but now I dont care. I studied Arabic, Farsi, for 3 years, just for that. What the hell was that for. No muslim people want to talk to me. I tried to join the Marines a couple of years ago, but I broke my neck and collar bone, and hip about 2 years ago, and when I signed up, and got everything filled out, I told them what happened, and they told me to come back when i had a clean bill of health. I dont want to go back now, I would proabably like it, I use to feel like I would be the most educated guy out there, but Matthew and other members have gave me a new outlook on it. I am not pro-military, but the reason i wanted to join, was to just do it, and do something out of the ordinary for once. But I have lost interest now.
I love life, but I hate what surronds it , if that makes any sense to anyone. I sometimes take many people for granted, and I sometimes am the biggest dick in the world. But I hate having to be. I hate spending money on myself, but I still do it, I hate wasting money, and wasteful people I guess. But I sit hear at my big desk staring at my nice monitor, and I am happy to a extent, but only for periods of times. I just want to leave it all buy a shack on a island, become a diver or something, and just leave this place, i dont care if anyone speaks english. I just want to go. I havent taken a vacation since High School, for my graduation present to myself, I went to Villanova to hear some guy speak about high yield trading. At the time I wanted to be a stock broker.Real fun there, beautiful girls, but you could tell the type, no BMW, RANGE, MERC, then they are not down.
During school breaks like summer, spring , winter, i dont go anywhere, I work , I have to be here, I have employees that need checks, and I need money too. I guess it is the burden i give myself, but you cannot have those ferraris, and castles, working for someone. I am not complaining, I am just typing this, wishing I was talking to someone about this. Everyone I know is asleep, my Girlfriend goes to work at 5:00, my dad lives 1500 miles away. The friends I do have are either wasted, or stoned, I wish i had the time to get drunk. But i guess i have enough time to scour here all day.The best conversations I have on with people online. I hate the internet, i hate the information it has. It makes people lazy, and self indulged bastards like myself. I wish I was smokin the hookah with all of you, eating some good food, drinking a pepsi, or a red stripe, hitting the hookah, watching Schumacher, and Barcello fighting it out, off my yacht in monaco. When I make my 5th million, I promise I will invite all of you to my yacht so we can watch F1.
I can dream.
Help me does anyone else feel this way?
Sorry for the length its late and i dont sleep much.
Everyday I feel my life gets harder, and harder. I dont know why, maybe I think about it to much. As my life has progressed, everyone I once trusted has deceaved me, all my friends I once had great times with are gone. I own my own buisness, I make good money, I go to a great school. But life still sucks for me. I dont get joy out of the things I use to. I dream of Castles, and ferraris, and lavish things. I know they are all in my grasp I just have to work hard. But I feel worse everyday. I am getting smothered from media, whats new , whats been happening in the news, in the world. Why does Paris Hiltons emails excite me? I take a step back , and look in the mirror at myself, with my glasses that are due from looking at the PC screen to much, and looking at a projector from school to long, I look at myself, and say this is all bulls***, how I would love to destroy everything. How I look at the television and see shows on MTV like my sweet 16, where spoiled bitches whine about how they didnt get a range rover at 16. Is this it , is this what i have to look forward to in my life? My heart is racing. Am i going to die off and be sick like everyone else in my family due to heart failure, and cancer.
I look at my girlfriend of almost 4 years. I am her first boyfriend ever. Will one day she realize that I am not everything she hoped for, and up and leave? Why is it I have knowone to really tell any of this to, but I feel so comfortable telling all of you this? Will I be lonely rich man, that gets caught up in politics of the world? Is there anyway I can do anything to change any of this? Sometimes i feel like I can do anything, and I really believe it, but them sometimes I feel like I can do it, but whats the point. I sit here sending out emails to future customers, pitching them ideas, why cant I call them, why cant I visit them and talk to them face to face, why do people choose to talk over IM and Email then over the phone? Why instead of a girl asking for your number she asks for your email? I guess knowone knows all this. But i am only 21 maybe this is a phase. I am 9th in my class at Reed, I have changed my major 3 times, 1st from Computer Science, to Computer Engineering, to Physics. What I am going to do with that, or any of those degrees. I once wanted to work for DOD, or NSA, but now I dont care. I studied Arabic, Farsi, for 3 years, just for that. What the hell was that for. No muslim people want to talk to me. I tried to join the Marines a couple of years ago, but I broke my neck and collar bone, and hip about 2 years ago, and when I signed up, and got everything filled out, I told them what happened, and they told me to come back when i had a clean bill of health. I dont want to go back now, I would proabably like it, I use to feel like I would be the most educated guy out there, but Matthew and other members have gave me a new outlook on it. I am not pro-military, but the reason i wanted to join, was to just do it, and do something out of the ordinary for once. But I have lost interest now.
I love life, but I hate what surronds it , if that makes any sense to anyone. I sometimes take many people for granted, and I sometimes am the biggest dick in the world. But I hate having to be. I hate spending money on myself, but I still do it, I hate wasting money, and wasteful people I guess. But I sit hear at my big desk staring at my nice monitor, and I am happy to a extent, but only for periods of times. I just want to leave it all buy a shack on a island, become a diver or something, and just leave this place, i dont care if anyone speaks english. I just want to go. I havent taken a vacation since High School, for my graduation present to myself, I went to Villanova to hear some guy speak about high yield trading. At the time I wanted to be a stock broker.Real fun there, beautiful girls, but you could tell the type, no BMW, RANGE, MERC, then they are not down.
During school breaks like summer, spring , winter, i dont go anywhere, I work , I have to be here, I have employees that need checks, and I need money too. I guess it is the burden i give myself, but you cannot have those ferraris, and castles, working for someone. I am not complaining, I am just typing this, wishing I was talking to someone about this. Everyone I know is asleep, my Girlfriend goes to work at 5:00, my dad lives 1500 miles away. The friends I do have are either wasted, or stoned, I wish i had the time to get drunk. But i guess i have enough time to scour here all day.The best conversations I have on with people online. I hate the internet, i hate the information it has. It makes people lazy, and self indulged bastards like myself. I wish I was smokin the hookah with all of you, eating some good food, drinking a pepsi, or a red stripe, hitting the hookah, watching Schumacher, and Barcello fighting it out, off my yacht in monaco. When I make my 5th million, I promise I will invite all of you to my yacht so we can watch F1.
I can dream.
Help me does anyone else feel this way?
Sorry for the length its late and i dont sleep much.
