I can't speak for any transmissions in particular... but MANY transmissions do not circulate fluid through the transmission cooler(if equipped) in certain gears... Park is usually the one that does NOT circulate on big Dodge 3500s and stuff... when the trans starts to overheat you need to pull off the road and let it idle in neutral.
Usually whatever gear you are supposed to check trans fluid level in(I think on Mazdas it is PARK), means it is flowing fluid. Frankly I'm unsure of what is happening in neutral as I don't have access to a power flow diagram.
In general though(with transmissions I'm more familiar with), with shifter in drive... it is the forward clutch and one way sprag clutch which gets engaged when you put it into drive. Most stuff uses a roller clutch now for cost reasons, and frankly sprags are not necessary unless you are pushing stupid power. (for the sake of power flow, sprag and roller clutch is an interchangeable term). You can read up on sprags vs rollers in TH400 transmissions for drag racing applications. It really doesn't matter in your situation since you're not launching a car with 700hp. In a nutshell: the act of just shifting from neutral to drive will not put any noticable, significant, or even measurable wear on your transmission.
There are no clutches applied at all in neutral in any applications I know of.
I will also add that having clutches applied in drive while sitting at idle causes zero wear because they are not slipping. It's the same as putting a manual transmission in neutral... the clutch is "engaged"... and stuff is spinning inside... it's just not going anywhere.
The only thing slipping is the torque converter because it has not reached it's stall speed(google torque converter stall speed if you want to learn more)... and they just don't wear out... it's a fluid connection. They can fail entirely, but it is never from sitting in drive at idle so it's a moot point as well.
Here is a service manual online for a 4spd Chrysler transmission I'm a bit more familiar with for reference if you want to read up on how it works and what is applied when:
http://www.mopar4life.com/autoindex/downloads/PDFs/46re-manual.pdf
And here is a generic learning about auto transmissions PDF I found that really dumbs it down and explains what's going on:
http://www.autoshop101.com/forms/AT05.pdf
It's very good as it's much shorter. It involves a 3spd auto transmission but all the principles are exactly the same. The only difference with a 4/5/6spd auto trans is that there are more drums containing more clutch pack assemblies and more servos with more planetary gear sets to achieve more speeds.
IMO: shifting in neutral at a stop won't do a damn thing to affect life of it in most cases. Honestly I have no idea about the BMW situation, but they do some goofy s*** on the rest of the car so it wouldn't surprise me if they make it self destruct when you shift into neutral(braindead Leaving it in drive won't do anything worth mentioning either. I know that in drive, you can be positive that fluid is being cooled if you have a trans cooler. In neutral it may or may not be, but it likely is.
What putting it in neutral at a light will help is if you just did a real hard panic stop and now your brakes are hot as hell. You'll cook the rotors and warp them if the pads are super hot and you are holding the car in place with them for an extended time after getting them hot. This will usually never happen from one or ever 20 applications of doing so, but doing it on a regular basis will eventually net you a shimmy in the steering wheel when you are braking from high speeds.
(boom01)