I need some emotional support

[1sty]

1st: I once dreamed to be as lucky as you are, I'm happy to hear at least somebody else here is lucky at this.

Luck really has nothing to do with it.
I expect certain things from a partner as anyone does and I am 100% uncompromising about them. I consider these things non negotiable. One happens to be understanding that sometimes we will be apart or not see each other much. If thats a problem for a women then I am more then happy to show her the front door. My girlfriend is no differnt. She has her own lists of expectations.

The only reason me and my girlfriend lasted this long is that we understand what the other expects and needs. We aslo each accept meeting those needs.

The best advise I can give you is to take this time to think about what you really want and what you need from a women to be happy as a couple. Then seek out those traits once you know them.

 

[1sty]

Women often never say one damn thing about being unhappy. They have no real desire to, they want drama and all the BS associated with it. If a women is serious about a relationship, like anyone, she will always discuss a problem before it become a big issue. She will want her partner to know her thoughts so they can be delt with, not ignored. To do otherwise is to not want to be in a relationship at all other then for conveinece. Women like that need to be thrown into on comming traffic for being retarded.

Some women don't want to hurt the guy they are in a relationship with and feel guilty that they will cause them pain.

True and they are simply dumb as s*** for thinking this way. Not wanting to hurt someone is no excuse to aviod serious conversation especialy if the alternative is breaking up. No ones feelings are saved, its simply one person having no desire to work out a problem, again they are in it for conveince only.

Plus usually if a person is willing to cheat...well they do it on the slide. They get the best of both worlds. Plus cheating a lot of times is about the excitement of getting caught...if there is no one to catch you....well what's the point???

Cheating has usualy nothing to do with getting caught. There are far more mental issues going on then a need of excitement. If excitement was the only need then that has no need to be achieved by cheating. Many people cheat to subconciously kill a relationship and again bring more drama into there lives. Often people from various abused or neglected backgrounds do damn near anythign they can to destroy a relationship, many times as a defense from getting to close or serious. This goes back to conviences as well.
Also some people are just weird. I know one girl that cheats all the time, but is a bit odd. She gets drunk and seeks out guys to blow! Attention issues there. Also some women just want a quick, easy, he's cute, dicking!!! That simple.

Cirielle, many times when someone doesn't get the point in a break up, its becuase of a total lack of honesty with continued need to save feelings. This is simply wrong. Be honest, be blunt, hell be mean, but be damn sure they know where things stand!

 

[mopiko]

krillin: Nice sig you have

1st: Haha, make me feel very embrassed to have a younger person teaching me the stuff that I should've known before. Well better to be embrassed now than later I suppose.

Oh yeah and BTW, her friend just AIM-ed me, makes me feels like crap again, she didn't say anything bad to me, just that it stirred some thoughts in my mind... stupid me, should've known better to not think about those things at all...

 

[1sty]

I wouldn't call it "stringing someone along", but more "lack of communication". Aren't women the ones that always respect communication in a relationship? I would have been more stressed had my ex talked to me about her thoughts earlier, but then it wouldn't have been such a shock when things finally came apart. Sometimes I wonder about the "I've been thinking about this for the past month" lines.

A qucik point:
I don't do this and I don't accept this.
If my girl has somehting to say, then she'd damn well better say it and immedatialy. This "For a Long Time" is a dead give away of this person being generaly unwilling to be in a relationship in the first place. Also the need to be "stressed" is horseshit too. There is no reason to stress form serious conversation. To do so is to make things worse. If you don't want to know if there is ever a problem your parnter has then you are also unwilling to be in a serious relationship for any other reason then conveince.

 

[1sty]

Oh yeah and BTW, her friend just AIM-ed me, makes me feels like crap again, she didn't say anything bad to me, just that it stirred some thoughts in my mind... stupid me, should've known better to not think about those things at all...

**** that!
Think about them, examine them, find the truth!
Whats the worst you could discover, that you weren't right for her, thats it, thats the worst. All things considered that isn't bad at all. That simply means she wasn't right for you either so this is a good thing.

 

[1sty]

If that is the case then aren't all precursors (dates that is) to marriage just ....
stringssomeonealong????
I know that I truly wanted to love that guy.

WAIT

I will say this and its simply the most true thing for relationships. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS WANTING TO LOVE SOMEONE.
This simply means you don't love them. Love is not something easily come apon or gained. Only time can complete honesty can bring it. This bulls*** mentality (this is not at you Cir) that love can be found instanly or even after a short time dating is utter CRAP! it takes a long time to establish love. What people usualy refer to as love is ther own bulls*** pyscalogical issues being expressed toward someone else.

Also love in a relationship is more invovled them many will admit. For instance it is impossible to be in love if the other persons body disgust you. Yes I said it, if yo find a women or vise versa unattractive, then you can not love her EVER! Sexual desire is part of love, it can not be removed, hidden, or ignored. It is part of what makes us human and is part of that list of needs each person has I mentioned before.

I wanted to love someone at that point. I, personally, was just broken! I had been through Hell with another person and was not over that! I never had any intentions of stringing that guy along.

No, love had nothing to do with it. Attention, simpathy, conveince yes but not love. Love is Deadication, trust, commitment, honor, desire and comfort. Leave one out and its not love. It sounds like you wanted only comfort.

In fact, we had a conversation once where I told him that are relationship would never get past dating!!! I stated that I would not marry him ever. This was at least 4 months before we broke up. He knew where he stood. I told him. I have a knack for not holding back on most things!

If you were only dating then and you had to break up 4 months later then you did indeed move past dating. Your words were utterly useless as your actions during this time was contradictory.

I do know one thing Matt, what ever girl ****** you over....man she must have ****** you over bad!!!!

I'll certainly go with that

 

[1sty]

Actually I know a couple of guys who could have gotten laid and chose not to!
(Trust me sounds weird to me too! There are guys out there!)
And I also know a couple of guys that can say that every girl that sees me wants to **** me. I have seen the arrogant ones as well!

I think that in your life you have met some pretty ****** up people and it has definately had a negative impact on you. A REALLY NEGATIVE ONE!

Although exagerated Matt is correct. Women do have the ability to use sex more to there advantage then Men do, and they often do just that. Many times without realizing it.
Guys no matter how they would like can never match a womens ability to manipulate via sex. However we can manipulate via affection more easily after all, thats how we get sex (rofl)

 

[1sty]

Realistically, it's easy to get laid.

Monkey s***.
It is not easy to get laid at all. Maybe for some guys, certainly i never was for me or most men.

 

[RyanJayG]

and now we know how you get 10,382 posts

even though this is off-topic

 

[Matthew]

i would like to know how many posts i have including off topic, flamewars, etc.

hey ryan did you try to call me like yesterday or the day before? i was looking at recent calls and i saw a 918 area code.

 

[SilvrProtege5NJ]

Man oh man I know what you are feeling. My last serious girlfriend after a 4 years sits me down one day and tells me that she doesnt love me anymore. Woah. Devistated is not the word. I mean I LOVED this girl. I still cant seem to get over her. I have been in other relationships but I keep comparing every other girl to her. and its now 2 years since she broke it off. I still think about her all the time and she game me the whole BS we can still be friends thing. Well we tried that and all it made me want was to be back with her more. I dont really have advice for you, all I can do is relate and tell you that one day you'll get over it, atleast that is what they told me... I'm still waiting...

 

[1sty]

and now we know how you get 10,382 posts

even though this is off-topic

Just repling to post. No one fallows if you lump alot of long repsponses to differrnt people into the same posts.

 

[RyanJayG]

yeah, I know. It was my failed attempt at humor (shrug)

 

[1sty]

try harder next time

 

[krillin]

krillin: Nice sig you have

thanks, man. one of my friends made it for me. she's very talented and yet doesn't get any recognition.

1stMP3,

been reading your responses to everyone, including cirielle. it's cool to know that someone on the board thinks EXACTLY the same way i do. were we separated at birth? jk ^_^

 

[1sty]

thanks, man. one of my friends made it for me. she's very talented and yet doesn't get any recognition.

1stMP3,

been reading your responses to everyone, including cirielle. it's cool to know that someone on the board thinks EXACTLY the same way i do. were we separated at birth? jk ^_^

Maybe but if we were and your asian, then I think my mom has ALOT of explaining to do

 

[krillin]

i'm only asian on the outside, michiganian whitebred on the inside. T_T

 

[Cirielle]

True and they are simply dumb as s*** for thinking this way. Not wanting to hurt someone is no excuse to aviod serious conversation especialy if the alternative is breaking up. No ones feelings are saved, its simply one person having no desire to work out a problem, again they are in it for conveince only.

True. Most people don't tell you their true feelings. It is the irony of being a race that can vocalize thoughts but chooses not to!

Cheating has usualy nothing to do with getting caught. There are far more mental issues going on then a need of excitement. If excitement was the only need then that has no need to be achieved by cheating. Many people cheat to subconciously kill a relationship and again bring more drama into there lives. Often people from various abused or neglected backgrounds do damn near anythign they can to destroy a relationship, many times as a defense from getting to close or serious. This goes back to conviences as well.
Also some people are just weird. I know one girl that cheats all the time, but is a bit odd. She gets drunk and seeks out guys to blow! Attention issues there. Also some women just want a quick, easy, he's cute, dicking!!! That simple.

There are a million and one reasons why people cheat. It can be the adrenaline rush. It can be attention...so on and so forth. What I was trying to say above all else is that if it was just over cheating...well they would probably be still together if she wasn't caught at it.

Cirielle, many times when someone doesn't get the point in a break up, its becuase of a total lack of honesty with continued need to save feelings. This is simply wrong. Be honest, be blunt, hell be mean, but be damn sure they know where things stand!

Sometimes you can let a person know where they stand and they still don't get it! TRUST ME I WAS BLUNT MEAN AND EVERYTHING ELSE. He was my whipping b**** at that point. Like I stated before...there are a lot of other things in that relationship that I didn't go into!
A lot of times I am toooooooo blunt and honest. My husband actually gets upset because of that. He is used to more tactful ways of saying stuff (at least it being said to him). Me I am straight forward and mean. You piss me off I will tell you to go **** yourself.

 

[Cirielle]

WAIT

I will say this and its simply the most true thing for relationships. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS WANTING TO LOVE SOMEONE.
This simply means you don't love them. Love is not something easily come apon or gained. Only time can complete honesty can bring it. This bulls*** mentality (this is not at you Cir) that love can be found instanly or even after a short time dating is utter CRAP! it takes a long time to establish love. What people usualy refer to as love is ther own bulls*** pyscalogical issues being expressed toward someone else.

Yes, I did want to reciprocate the feelings. That is wanting to love someone. I knew that he cared for me and I had wished that I could care for him. I don't or never have believed in love, finding it, or it being easy! I know all about the in's and out's of love and what it can do to a person or what the wrong types of love can do to a person. I knew I didn't love him, I never told him I loved him. That was reserved for the only two guys that I have loved.

No, love had nothing to do with it. Attention, simpathy, conveince yes but not love. Love is Deadication, trust, commitment, honor, desire and comfort. Leave one out and its not love. It sounds like you wanted only comfort.

I didn't want comfort. I wanted to be comforting. I didn't want to hurt the guy. I cared.
[/b][/quote]

If you were only dating then and you had to break up 4 months later then you did indeed move past dating. Your words were utterly useless as your actions during this time was contradictory.

How can it be contradictory if I was telling him that he was a now thing? And just like that too! Dating to me means that you can go out on a date or you can be boyfriend and girlfriend. I told him my level of seriousness was different than his. He didn't want to accept that! I can't help that! He and everyone else knew where I stood on my feelings!

 

[mopiko]

How can it be contradictory if I was telling him that he was a now thing? And just like that too! Dating to me means that you can go out on a date or you can be boyfriend and girlfriend. I told him my level of seriousness was different than his. He didn't want to accept that! I can't help that! He and everyone else knew where I stood on my feelings! [/B]

If I will only love someone because someone loves me, than my life will not be as hard as it was.