Get rid of a girlfriend that lives with you?
- Thread starter ForceFed
- Start date
Nice to see some real serious advice on here! Why don't you just kill her kid too and then you won't have to worry about her anymore!!! ahahahahmamamammaahahahaha (DRIPPING WITH UTTER SARCASM!!!)
Seriously though. This is not going to be easy. Life is not easy and it is not meant to be easy. I would much rather have a life with ups and downs that a straight line life of nothing! If you let it continue like it is you will hate her and she will hate you! I don't think that you want that. Believe it or not the "truth will set you free". I think that you really need to work on you right now. Whatever past relationship you had really tore you up and it takes time to heal that. Even when you feel completely healed you aren't. Some scars take years. I still am scarred from a really horrible relationship....and I am now married. And I don't want that person or anything of the such, but the pain and suffering I went through can still effect me! I tend to be cold when I get into a fight now and become detached very quickly. I have worked on this for almost 5 years now and am much better, but I still can revert back very quickly. Too Quickly!
I think it is great that you have been so generous, but you really have to ask yourself if it is generousity that is staying your hand now. Are you still really trying to help and be there or are you being there because it is comfortable and to rock the boat might mean you will get wet??? For you to grow as a person and for her to grow as a person you need to communicate. She has to know that something is up. For her to not know would mean that she is in denial!!! And again, that means she knows but doesn't want to admit it. I think it is better that you speak your mind now then let it get to a point where it will become straight out ugly!
Seriously though. This is not going to be easy. Life is not easy and it is not meant to be easy. I would much rather have a life with ups and downs that a straight line life of nothing! If you let it continue like it is you will hate her and she will hate you! I don't think that you want that. Believe it or not the "truth will set you free". I think that you really need to work on you right now. Whatever past relationship you had really tore you up and it takes time to heal that. Even when you feel completely healed you aren't. Some scars take years. I still am scarred from a really horrible relationship....and I am now married. And I don't want that person or anything of the such, but the pain and suffering I went through can still effect me! I tend to be cold when I get into a fight now and become detached very quickly. I have worked on this for almost 5 years now and am much better, but I still can revert back very quickly. Too Quickly!
I think it is great that you have been so generous, but you really have to ask yourself if it is generousity that is staying your hand now. Are you still really trying to help and be there or are you being there because it is comfortable and to rock the boat might mean you will get wet??? For you to grow as a person and for her to grow as a person you need to communicate. She has to know that something is up. For her to not know would mean that she is in denial!!! And again, that means she knows but doesn't want to admit it. I think it is better that you speak your mind now then let it get to a point where it will become straight out ugly!
CivicEater
Member
have a friend mention to her that you feel trapped.. and used by her.. not in a mean way, but in a concilitory fashion..
it works great.. that way she comes to you, asking, and you can give her reasons, rather than you having to SPRING it on her..
I'd say this would be the best way.. It still hurts tho.. I've done it..
it works great.. that way she comes to you, asking, and you can give her reasons, rather than you having to SPRING it on her..
I'd say this would be the best way.. It still hurts tho.. I've done it..
Cirielle said:
You have the most insightful ways of looking at things!You said in an earlier post that this was your "professional opinion"?What did you mean by that?I do beleive that she has to know something is up,and she does ask,but I just lock up and say that nothing is wrong when I "TRULY" know that this is not the truth.I just don't want to break her heart ,when i know that she does not need another failed relationship on her mind.Especially one that she really didn't do anything wrong in.I thought when I met her that she could be really good for me but then found that she is not the one that I will fall in love with.
Life is full of curves.Why can't I get through these curves as easily as the MSP rolls through the twisties?
Matt
I'm thinking you love her......but obviously aren't in love with her, and prolly will never be. It's been said im almost every post so far that the best thing you can do is sit her down and tell her. The longer YOU let it drag out the harder it will be on everyone involved. It sounds like she isn't planning on going anywhere or making any efforts to which wasn't what the original agreement was. That in itself is all you should need to justify a sit down with her to find out her intentions.....which gives you the opening to tell her yours. Its not going to be easy, fun, or anything of the sort. What it will be is ugly, mean, hard, but the best thing you could do for the child, her, but most importantly yourself. If it makes you feel better to give her some money for a deposit on an apartment or whatever then do it. But give her a deadline to get out and follow up with it.
And on a lighter side.........
Ass, cash, or grass but broads don't ride for free!
Spicymofo
#1651
And on a lighter side.........
Ass, cash, or grass but broads don't ride for free!
Spicymofo
#1651
Familia323
_______________
seriously just talk to her.. its gonna hurt like hell because you obviously care for her at least a little, but you gotta do what you gotta do. If it makes you feel any better I'm in a similar situation, just minus the live in part. I have a g/f that I could see myself marrying someday. Great girl I care for her a lot. But something isnt right, I'm not ready to be committed. I dont know what to do. I want to see other people, but at the same time I'm afraid if I leave her I might lose her. And I dont want to do that. I have a great time with her, but I have urges to go out with other women. I know its wrong and havent acted on my urges but I dont know how long I can last. Im just as confused and frustrated as you are. and listening to you talk about your troubles only made me realize how confused I am. All I know is man, relationships suck!
.....and these are the days of our..... 
Seriously dood, your saying all the right things to us. What's the problem? Your not coming across as a dick or anything, and you obviously have enough maturity and decency to want to do the right thing. Just say to her what your saying to us..... I'd leave ya with no bad feelings Snif snif!
Get this over with ASAP. No, don't kick her out, don't cheat on her ( really bad idea ) don't act like a jerk, you sound like your well above all that crap.
I have no idea of her situation, but if she's not working much, has no money....she's never going to leave on her own, especially with a child. Gotta grow some balls bud, and just tell her.
I absolutely suck at telling someone how I feel when I'm upset. I have NO idea how myself and my woman are still together after 6 years because she's the exact same way. I always start out with the right intentions, but what I really want to say, and what I end up saying are two dofferent things. Everytime I have something bad to say, I try to start off nice and easy, then give up and just dive into it head first, then spend the next hour saying....ok what I really meant to say was..... Thankfully she's the same way, so we usually just end up laughing at how stupid this and that sounded
Believe me, I know where your coming from with this. Never been in the same exact scenario, but close. You have GOT to tell her, and NOW. The kid being involved makes it even more urgent, this isn't funny....tell her. Just stop what your doing, grab her, and ask her what she see's the two of you in the future? Where does she see herself this time next year? Then tell her, that you don't see you guys together next year, there's no future for you...bla.bla....
Now, step away from the computer.....and go tell her.....oh, and wait till the kid is in bed.
....then come back and tell us what happened.
As the world turns will continue in a moment
Seriously dood, your saying all the right things to us. What's the problem? Your not coming across as a dick or anything, and you obviously have enough maturity and decency to want to do the right thing. Just say to her what your saying to us..... I'd leave ya with no bad feelings
Snif snif!Get this over with ASAP. No, don't kick her out, don't cheat on her ( really bad idea ) don't act like a jerk, you sound like your well above all that crap.
I have no idea of her situation, but if she's not working much, has no money....she's never going to leave on her own, especially with a child. Gotta grow some balls bud, and just tell her.
I absolutely suck at telling someone how I feel when I'm upset. I have NO idea how myself and my woman are still together after 6 years because she's the exact same way. I always start out with the right intentions, but what I really want to say, and what I end up saying are two dofferent things. Everytime I have something bad to say, I try to start off nice and easy, then give up and just dive into it head first, then spend the next hour saying....ok what I really meant to say was..... Thankfully she's the same way, so we usually just end up laughing at how stupid this and that sounded
Believe me, I know where your coming from with this. Never been in the same exact scenario, but close. You have GOT to tell her, and NOW. The kid being involved makes it even more urgent, this isn't funny....tell her. Just stop what your doing, grab her, and ask her what she see's the two of you in the future? Where does she see herself this time next year? Then tell her, that you don't see you guys together next year, there's no future for you...bla.bla....
Now, step away from the computer.....and go tell her.....oh, and wait till the kid is in bed.
....then come back and tell us what happened.
As the world turns will continue in a moment
OH, and if it's starting to effect you everyday life, as in your job......bad bad bad....nothing good can come of that. Short tempers, bad performance at work, making you look bad.....tell her NOW
...well......go do it!
..... stop reading this....
go on!
Tell her!!!
Now damnit
TURN THE PC OFF NOW!
...well......go do it!
..... stop reading this....
go on!
Tell her!!!
Now damnit
TURN THE PC OFF NOW!
OK,I left work but.....
I didn't go home!
Kinda afraid to with all this runnin' through my head.I stopped at my bud's house where I am currrently in the middle of a bathroom re-model to get some more work done .I thought this would clear my thoughts by getting something accomplished ,but it's not working!I keep thinking of this thread and my problem and how it's not gonna go away on it's own.So I took a break to come visit the PC and see if there was any new suggestions.They all seem to be the same.
Damn It !
I am really hatin' myself right now!
I know what I have to do but no "BALLS " to do it!
Matt:mad:
I didn't go home!
Kinda afraid to with all this runnin' through my head.I stopped at my bud's house where I am currrently in the middle of a bathroom re-model to get some more work done .I thought this would clear my thoughts by getting something accomplished ,but it's not working!I keep thinking of this thread and my problem and how it's not gonna go away on it's own.So I took a break to come visit the PC and see if there was any new suggestions.They all seem to be the same.
Damn It !
I am really hatin' myself right now!
I know what I have to do but no "BALLS " to do it!
Matt:mad:
Don't hate yourself for this. That just compounds the problem and makes it tougher for you in the end. I know that you don't want to hurt her with another failed relationship, but really it is already a failed relationship. Does that mean failure on either of your parts....not necessarily. Most people always ask why it didn't work. And really it is not about why. It is why can't you accept that it didn't work. Sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with. Human emotions are not logical. There is no perfect emotion. It is what makes us human and makes our lives just that....it makes us alive to be angry to be resentful to be in love to not be in love to be happy to be sad...etc. You have built this up in your mind without truly knowing what the outcome will be. Right now you are your biggest enemy! Give yourself a chance! It is okay to not be the most kindest person at a given moment, because in the end it might be the kindest thing you can do for her. "The end justifies the means"
I know that you don't want pain, but sometimes it takes pain to get to clarity! It is one of those things where "Hindsight is 20/20" When you look back years from now you will understand the situation much more clearly than you can now.
I suggest that you take a little time to brainstorm. Right down your feelings. See if when brainstorming you get out feelings that are somewhat clouded by thinking about other things. You don't have to be elaborate. Like:
I am not in love or
I feel pain because I don't love her
etc. Really it will start to help to see where you are at. I think that is the main problem you have right now. You are lost in a sea of emotion that you can't swim through.
I know that you don't want pain, but sometimes it takes pain to get to clarity! It is one of those things where "Hindsight is 20/20" When you look back years from now you will understand the situation much more clearly than you can now.
I suggest that you take a little time to brainstorm. Right down your feelings. See if when brainstorming you get out feelings that are somewhat clouded by thinking about other things. You don't have to be elaborate. Like:
I am not in love or
I feel pain because I don't love her
etc. Really it will start to help to see where you are at. I think that is the main problem you have right now. You are lost in a sea of emotion that you can't swim through.
Familia323
_______________
Its tomorrow!... I mean today..!... I mean... no... wait...
Did you do it!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Did you do it!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The whole letter thing, I did that. It works, for those of us who never have the words they want to say. I wrote out exactly how I felt, then I sat her down, and I read it with her. You can let her read it, read it to her, or just tell her how you feel and if you cant come up with the words, read it your self to gather thoughts. Theres nothing wrong with not having the the right things to say all the time.
Familia323
_______________
you seem too excited about not having to tell her, which leads me to believe that you don't really want her gone. You would rather live in your claimed agony than fess up and tell her she needs to live her own life, and stop mooching off of you. Why do you think she doesn't have a job yet? CAUSE YOU'RE A BABY, and pay for her way. You are like her sugar dady. Shes using you as a home, as income, as a father figure, as.. well whatever else you guys do. Good God man! Just tell her, if I lived near you I would go over there and start the conversation for you! Stop denying this and go do it. You have to clean your wounds sometime or they are never going to heal!
