For anyone who hates chain letters as much as I do, check this out.
Subject: A Chain Letter Worth Reading
Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear
of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
sending out 50 billion ******* forwards sent to me by people who actually
believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with
lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by
the big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of her for
use on their child pornography web site will get 6 ******* cents every time
you send me the letter.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How ******* stupid are you? Ooooh,
looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by
every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch of bulls***. So
basically, this message is a big **** YOU to all the people out there who
have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by
Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the
Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness
Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
**** them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and
this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel
from some "omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't ******* care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing
to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel
guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096
people in the next 5 seconds, you will be ***** by a mad goat and then thrown
off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter
isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how
it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no
parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for
every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving
Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all
bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh,
and a reminder -if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will
die instantly.
Thanks again!!
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This
is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably
not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it
works.
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horriblewill happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in
the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
s***, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty,
she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend
(hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They
continued tosuffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable
kittens
every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!! Remember, you could
end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser
friends, and everything will be Ok.
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of
your friends.
Friends
-A friend is someone who is always at your side,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
-A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your
loser life,
-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you
should be ***** by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
-A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the
check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's thecleaning
lady,
-A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his
wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll be
eaten by wild mutts
-----------------------------------------------------------
There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of
chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any
popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't
bother,
but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I
don't care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it.
Thanks!
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.
If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make
people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or
nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of turds) just
delete it.
Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say, "**** CHAIN LETTERS!!
Subject: A Chain Letter Worth Reading
Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear
of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
sending out 50 billion ******* forwards sent to me by people who actually
believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with
lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by
the big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of her for
use on their child pornography web site will get 6 ******* cents every time
you send me the letter.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How ******* stupid are you? Ooooh,
looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by
every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch of bulls***. So
basically, this message is a big **** YOU to all the people out there who
have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by
Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the
Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness
Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
**** them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and
this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel
from some "omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't ******* care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing
to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
Really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
Not that, you pervert!!
Is your finger getting tired yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish. Now, to make you feel
guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096
people in the next 5 seconds, you will be ***** by a mad goat and then thrown
off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter
isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how
it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no
parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for
every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving
Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all
bull. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh,
and a reminder -if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will
die instantly.
Thanks again!!
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This
is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably
not as many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it
works.
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something
horriblewill happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in
the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
s***, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty,
she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend
(hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They
continued tosuffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable
kittens
every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!! Remember, you could
end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser
friends, and everything will be Ok.
-------------------------------------------------------
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of
your friends.
Friends
-A friend is someone who is always at your side,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
-A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
-A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
-A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your
loser life,
-A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you
should be ***** by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
-A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the
check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's thecleaning
lady,
-A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his
wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll be
eaten by wild mutts
-----------------------------------------------------------
There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of
chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any
popularity, send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't
bother,
but otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I
don't care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it.
Thanks!
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.
If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make
people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or
nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of turds) just
delete it.
Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say, "**** CHAIN LETTERS!!
