Is there such a thing as a perfect woman?

[Matthew]

Now I know a lot of your cynical people out there who have had really bad experiences with woman will automatically say no to this thead, but i have had bad experiences too. Just think objectively.

With my wife, I always felt that it was "right" to not be completely happy, and to have to work to maintain some level of happyness. Granted, i was with her for just less than 3 years, and with my girlfriend for just about 4 months, but even at this mark (4 months) with my wife, we were already in the "routine".

Many times i thought of getting a divorce after a year of marriage because i didnt feel like i was that important to her and she didnt appreciate me at all, etc. Plus we argued like brother and sister most of the time. However, any of you who have gotten a divorce know that it is a ROYAL pain in the ass, sometimes taking years to complete (i am fortunate, mine should be done ASAP, but the paperwork has gotten lost in the mail). Therefore, i felt like it was worth it to try to "fix" my "investment" (for lack of a better analogy) rather than throw it away. Stupid, stupid me.

So i decided to divorce my wife (but i didnt tell her before i left for AZ because i am a sucker for crying women and although it was definately a puss way out, i felt like she might be able to convince me to stay if i did it while home) before moving to AZ. I had told her in the past if "things didnt get better" i was going to leave her. I guess she took me for granted or didnt believe me, but it was time to move on.

I planned on moving to AZ and just concentrating on school, and not even going out, let alone dating. Then i met Monica through my roomate (they were just aquaintences). She is older than me (33 to my 23) and although she was never married, had about the same outlook on this school (concentrate, no dating really), we clicked. She is truly cool to hang out with as a friend and so we kept hanging out.

Everytime we would go out, we would go out as a group with some other people and someone would always mention that Monica was so cool that she would help you find a girl at the club. She was ladylike and VERY mature, but yet at the same time had a fun side (you would never guess she is older)..

After awhile i realized that these guy(s) were idiots, because they went home all the time empty handed from the club, and didnt realize that the best woman they could have been hitting on the whole time was right beside them.

Fortunately i realized that and we began dating. Since dating i have never fallen so fast for someone, and neither of us has moved along so quickly (now that we live together) in our lives. We seem to have EVERYTHING in common, with a few minor things. She is smart, sexy, wonderful, caring, and really dedicated to everything she does. We fit like pieces of a puzzle. We just decided to move to California together in November when i go to the language institute, and go home to my home town for Christmas together. I have never been so happy in my entire life.

My family/friends says that i should watch out because i could be rebounding from my wife, but that is not the case. i had no intention of dating i just happened to find the right woman - and i have no plans to tell the perfect woman to get lost because i just got out of a marriage. nothing makes you more happy than to make the woman you love happy if she is the right one. things i hated doing for my wife i totally enjoy doing for monica because she is so wonderful, and appreciative.

The bottom line is: there ARE perfect women out there (at least, perfect for YOU) if you keep looking. dont settle just because you think that is the way it is meant to be.

And also: guys, dont forget the small things, like flowers, opening car doors for you lady, etc etc. being a gentleman goes so far and i didnt realize it. if i hadnt been a gentleman, i probably wouldnt be where i am right now, which is the happiest i have ever been in my life.

as far as this forum is concerned, is very patient when things go wrong with the car (like not purposely trying to make me feel stupid like my wife when i was kicking wrenches), and longs to hear the "bssssh bssssh" of my BOV again (evil)

 

[azian6er]

Matthew, if you are happier now then before, then good for you.

Just remember however that at 4 mos. into a relationship you will be completely infatuated with someone (may seem like love, but I dont believe you can truly love someone if you have only known them for that long).

Plus, sex will make you feel a certain connection with someone that will feel like truly committed loving relationship. Sex however, especiallyh early in a relationship can be so deceiving. It feels as if it cant get any better (and it most cases it doesnt).

That is why, around the 6-9 month mark, after people have been having sex all that time, that new feeling of sex and togetherness will not be enough to hold you two together. The sexuality will subside, and then the "brotherly-sisterly" relationship will begin to happen.

I have had my gf now for 4 years (this january). We got to know eachother for 3 years prior to the last 4 however. No sex, just getting to know and really taking eachother in. I believe this is the only way you can truly find your compatibilities and if you truly love another person.

Sex will always make you feel in love someone, because that is what it is meant to do. But, if you have it before you know you are truly sure you love that person, it can cloud your eyes and set you up for heartbreak later.

In your case, I say just try to get to know her as best you can (im sure you already have and do). Try to get rid of sex for a bit and see if you two are still compatible. If not, then you will know.

Im conservative as you can tell, but i think this is a very mature and safe way of seeing if teo people are right together.

-Bryan

 

[mp5jeff]

i think it all depends on your definition of "perfect", a girl that is "perfect" for me and we were "dating/banging" now lives in another state so i don't get to see her all that much which sucks, but since she moved i haven't been able to find another one that i actually like which sucks but yea....

 

[azian6er]

there is no perfect person. More compatibile then others you may have encountered, yes. Perect, no.

-B

 

[Matthew]

Bryan

We were compatabile long before we started having sex, and like i said, my wife and were totally different at the 4 month mark. besides, if you read the post, it says perfect for YOU not perfect person. that person doesnt exist.

 

[Matthew]

also i feel that if it takes you 4 years to decide that you love someone, then that is way too much work. in otherwords, if you really fall in love with someone it shouldnt take 4 years.

and you will probably have problems. if you have been dating someone since you were 17, niether of you have had any time to fool around like irresponsible people yet. period. that will be difficult when you both start changing or feel the need to meet other people because you started too young. t hat is what happened with my wife and i. we got married too young.

 

[Matthew]

i didnt say i was going to marry this woman nor have i thought of it yet. it is important to live together for awhile and make sure everythign works out good...you can love someone but it cant work out sometimes - but to actually take years to decide if ytou love someone, to me, is ridiculous.

 

[mp5jeff]

when you live with someone, it changes the game....so yes that is important to do, and do it for a WHILE, cause most problems if any won't pop up for a long time...

 

[Matthew]

i definately agree wtih that, which is why i am livign with her now. im talking about LOVING. you can love someone, but it might just not work out when you are together for a long time. thats what happend with my wife and i.

 

[anarchistchiken]

Matt, where are the shiny shoes in the picture?

Sorry, back on topic. I think there is a perfect woman out there for everyone. I found a girl that's damn near perfect for me, but she's too wrapped up in getting herself through high school and college to date anyone (not that that's a bad thing for her, but it suck ass for me)

There really is someone that every person out there is meant to be with. You just cant let social pressures like the institution that is marriage dictate how you live your life with anyone. I'm only 18, and I know this may sound stuck up or whatever for me to say this when I've had so little experience in the real world, but if you think you love someone, be with them for a few years at least before oyu get married. Everyone I know who has done that ends up being happy, and people that rush into is after a few months usually end up getting divorced, or at least having serious troubles.

 

[Matthew]

yep. good points. im not going to rush marriage this time. im dont regret being married because it has taught me a lot.

 

[mp5jeff]

at least you didn't have any kids matt, haha

 

[girth]

I kind of agree with Bryan. Aside from that, all I can say is that NO, the perfect woman for ME does not exist. Or if she does, then the chances of me finding her are about 1 in a gazillion.(boom02)

 

[Matthew]

yep i was smart in that aspect. i figured if she couldnt be a good wife i wasnt going to trust her with my kids.

 

[azian6er]

matthew, wouldnt you rather put too much work into a relationship rather then set your self up for heartbreak?

believing that a relationship wont the the hardest thing you do in your life is just being naive. Im not saying that you think this way, but many do.

Also, my gf and I werent "together" for 3 yars before the last 4. We dated on and off and had months where we really didnt talk. Point was that we didnt get sexually involved until we knew eachother better.

We had sex about 4 months into our current 4 year relationship and a lot of times i wish i waited until i was ready to marry her.

Sex has the ability to bring to people together above all things, but it can also be a two edged sword in that it can cloud your "true" judgement about a person as a partner.

I am conservative though and dont believe in living together before marriage either, so my word may not be one that you want to listen to.

-B

 

[Matthew]

i did put a lot of work into the marriage which is why i was pissed off it wasnt working.

 

[azian6er]

yeah i would be discouraged as well.

well, just learn from your mistakes. thats about all you can do man.

-Bryan

 

[mazdaspeedpower]

there is no perfect woman, however there is a perfect woman for me. No-one is perfect to everyone, but perfect to someone, and thats all that really matters. For me, I am way too ******* young to have found that person, although, thats for me, for someone else it's different. Everyone is different, and therefore, their perceptions of perfect are different, and when perfection can be found is different, and how long it takes to determine perfection is different. Maybe someday I will find the perfect woman, some of you may alread have found the perfect woman. Now, whether or not you will marry, or live your life with the perfect woman is something different, as more often than not, by the time you realize who the perfect person is, you are already devoted to someone, and love them, and could not break their heart, and ruin their lives by trying to persue perfection, as you have settled for someone who is right for you, and someone who thinks you are right for them. Sometime the perfect person for you, has someone else who is perfect for them. But then you have to get over the perception of perfect in societies eyes, and realize, perfect is someone who can deal with your s***, and who's s*** can be dealt with, and still attain happiness on both parts...pefection is there, it's just in the eye of the beholder....I hope I haven't lost you all here, as this makes sense to me, but what makes sense to me, may be one confused paragraph for you... as I cannot truly convey my beleif through a keyboard and mouse to a 19inch monitor

 

[Matthew]

either can i, but in my case a 17" monitor

 

[anarchistchiken]

there is no perfect woman, however there is a perfect woman for me. No-one is perfect to everyone, but perfect to someone, and thats all that really matters. For me, I am way too ******* young to have found that person, although, thats for me, for someone else it's different. Everyone is different, and therefore, their perceptions of perfect are different, and when perfection can be found is different, and how long it takes to determine perfection is different. Maybe someday I will find the perfect woman, some of you may alread have found the perfect woman. Now, whether or not you will marry, or live your life with the perfect woman is something different, as more often than not, by the time you realize who the perfect person is, you are already devoted to someone, and love them, and could not break their heart, and ruin their lives by trying to persue perfection, as you have settled for someone who is right for you, and someone who thinks you are right for them. Sometime the perfect person for you, has someone else who is perfect for them. But then you have to get over the perception of perfect in societies eyes, and realize, perfect is someone who can deal with your s***, and who's s*** can be dealt with, and still attain happiness on both parts...pefection is there, it's just in the eye of the beholder....I hope I haven't lost you all here, as this makes sense to me, but what makes sense to me, may be one confused paragraph for you... as I cannot truly convey my beleif through a keyboard and mouse to a 19inch monitor

Very deep.