Family Guy favorite quotes

[coyfish]

Saw a family guy episode the other day. This show cracks me up but I never laughed outloud until now. I was literally crying for like 3 minutes. I remember trying sunny D and holy crap it was nasty.

 

[EDM6-zoom zoom]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AJ0SkbPxAk

 

[Matrix]

Stewie: "Listen, you! I'll use the facilities when I'm damn good and ready. Until then, you shall continue to sanitize my crevasse and be damn grateful for the opportunity!!"

 

[ecniemann]

Quagmire naked: "Hey Peter.....does this look like a Q?"
Peter looks at Quagmire's crotch.
Quagmire does a slight hip shake, then says "How about now?"

Meg holding an 8 pk of Jumbo Franks while going into the bathroom: "I'm going to pretend you are the New York Knicks!"

Peter: "Meg, you'll be so popular, you'll be beating guys off with both hands!"

 

[Vicspeed6_AZ]

Peter: "Have you heard, that the bird is the word?"

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

*Peter picks nose and gets booger stuck on finger. Notices Meg sitting on the couch*

Peter: Hey Meeeeeeg.....Proud of you!*as he rubs her head leaving the booger*

 

[ecniemann]

Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): "So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?"

Girl: "If he says one more cool thing, he's in!!"
Stewie's matter of fact response: "I wear long sleeve shirts under short sleeve shirts under long sleeve shirts."

 

[SuperStretch18]

Tricia Takanawa: Diane, I'm standing outside the Park Barrington Hotel because they don't allow Asians inside.


Peter Griffin: Gee, Mr. Pewterschmidt, you could use some fine strapping young men like us on your schooner.
Carter Pewterschmidt: Are you saying I'm gay?
Peter Griffin: What? Are you sure you don't want more seamen on your poop deck?

 

[ecniemann]

Stewie reminicing: Pulls up to a hospital with Mother Theresa passed out in the back seat, stated very tearse to passenger: "PUSH HER OUT...............I SAID PUSH THE b**** OUT!!!!"

Stewie drunk talking to OJ at an airport bar in a flashback: "I don't know, but if I were in your Bruno Magli's Juice..............I'd teach her a thing or two for cheating on you."

Stewie with a camcorder running into the kitchen while Brian is talking to Lois: "Did I miss it!?"
Stewie zooms in on Brian's face with the camcorder: "That's it........cryyyy for Stewie.......yeeeesss!!

 

[SuperStretch18]

Meg: "Brian, Chris keeps picking his nose and rubbing it on me"
Chris: "What good is mining nose gold if you can't share it with the town's people?!?"

 

[NRRfrogmanP5]

the scene where brianowes stewie money as he gets outa the shower...priceless. and stewie proceeds to beat the crap outa him

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

"Where's my money man?! I want my money!"

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

Peter: Hey do any of you guys have a quarter?
Bill Gates: Whats a quarter?

 

[Alejo_NIN]

stewie To Meg when peter is a prostitute: "eerie isn't, is like looking into the future"

Stewie: If I choose to make stool in my pants right now, you're the only one here to change me. What do you think of that, hmm?
Brian: I'm not going to change you.
Stewie: What?
Brian: I said, I'm not going to change you.
Stewie: You can't be serious. Well, what if I make a fudgie? Well, I just won't. I just won't that's all. I just won't. Blast! I just did.

 

[jalohafan]

Quagmire: "Gee Louis, when you called me asking if I would mind coming over to tear up your carpet I thought you meant something else........but this is cool....." as Quagmire removes the carpet from the living room.

 

[ecniemann]

the scene where brianowes stewie money as he gets outa the shower...priceless. and stewie proceeds to beat the crap outa him

"Where's my money man?! I want my money!"

That scene is great, brutal, but great! Stewie even gets the towel bar involved, although I thought it was a little TOO over the top with the flamethrower. I love how Stewie finishes his orange juice before breaking the glass over Brian's head.

The other best quote from that episode after Brian makes the bet with Stewie:
Stewie menacingly: "It would probably be in everyone's best interest if you pay that back within 24 hours."
Brian: "Or what?! What will happen?"
Stewie: "I don't know. What do I look......psychic?!"

 

[Protephile]

Lois (sitting at the dinner table and trying to act sexy): Peter, I'm not wearing any undies.

Peter: That's okay, we can always throw that chair away.

 

[SuperStretch18]

Quagmire: "Gee Louis, when you called me asking if I would mind coming over to tear up your carpet I thought you meant something else........but this is cool....." as Quagmire removes the carpet from the living room.

Quagmire: Hey, uh, Lois, do you want me to leave a little strip in this thing? Maybe a lightning bolt, a unicorn, or something like that?
Lois: No, I want it all gone Glenn.
Quagmire: All right, we're going Brazilian

 

[ecniemann]

Meg: "Oh God, please kill me!"
Cut to God on a cloud with a sniper rifle, laser on Meg's head, but his phone rings. God gets up and answers a booty call: "Karrrreennnnn!"

God and Jesus at the Clam:
God hitting on a woman: "Have you ever seen someone light a drink like this?"
Snaps his fingers, lightning comes down, but accidentally starts the whole bar on fire.
Jesus: "OH CRAP, GET THE ESCALADE!!!"

 

[EvilJen]

The scene where Stewie's dragging his overloaded diaper across the ground: "Peter! There's so much doodie in here!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlIgCO7S3kA