The redneck thread....

[BlackCherry06]

My favorite redneck joke:

"What's the first thing an Arkansas girl says to her father when he gets home from work?"

"Get off me paw, you're mashin' my cigarettes!"

 

[camrycev6]

You aren't sure you had sex, or that she was your 4th cousin?

By law, you can marry your 2nd cousin. In fact, it isn't legally defined as incest either. (1st is.) A 4th cousin is so far removed you would have difficulting even determining if they were, and people (depending on your # of partners) could have done it with a fourth cousin without ever knowing it! If you are fourth cousins it means you have your great, great, great, grandparents in common and that's it! Do you even know your great, great, great, grandparents are? I don't...but I am guessing mine died over 150 years ago.

 

[-pixy-]

So. We are preparing to have a backyard bbq and when we were cleaning up the yard we encountered a cast-iron bathtub. It's really heavy and we can't move it an don't have time to have it moved. So instead we clean it out, add ice and make it a beer cooling tub.

 

[rednecks_r_us]

So. We are preparing to have a backyard bbq and when we were cleaning up the yard we encountered a cast-iron bathtub. It's really heavy and we can't move it an don't have time to have it moved. So instead we clean it out, add ice and make it a beer cooling tub.

Now that's awesome.

Bein' a redneck is just a lack of sophistication and making the best of what you got.

 

[-pixy-]

We were using a plymouth sundance that had 1 wheel as a paintball bunker for over a year and we had a dodge aries that wouldn't pass inspection that we used as a portable shed and wheelbarrel, thats sophistication right there.

 

[fkmp5]

We were using a plymouth sundance that had 1 wheel as a paintball bunker for over a year and we had a dodge aries that wouldn't pass inspection that we used as a portable shed and wheelbarrel, thats sophistication right there.

that's sexy. i wish you were my sister so we could marry.

 

[Diehonda]

that's sexy. i wish you were my sister so we could marry.

No s***. That is as hot as a southern girl being barefoot in the middle of the gravel road with a PBR in one hand and a marlboro in the other cussing at her dog to get back up to the house.

 

[Diehonda]

You know you are a redneck when you have three best friends growing up named Boomer, Cooter, and Bubby. Cooter was the only one that his name was a nickname. The other two were legal. I went by Jdub.

When you go to a girls house to eat dinner and aren't freaked out when the roof is covered by four different colored tarps, there are all sorts of cars parked in the front yard with grass growing aroung them, and the girls comes riding up on a four wheeler.

When you meet a guy named Billy and thought it was a girls name.

 

[tsunami]

up here in the north we call em hicks (see my avatar)

got a day off when the fair came to town (not as good as opening day of hunting but up here there is always some kind of hunting once fall hits)

dad built a sandbox for us chil'in out of an old wooden boat we found in the woods behind the house

tought myself to drive in an old dodge charger that i would run up and down the snow banks

got a call from the cops cause my uncles pigs got out... again... and i was the only person they could get ahold of... i was 14

another time the pigs got out we were chasing them up and down main street... my sister actually ended up riding one of them for a while as they were close to 400lbs and she was 13

my baby sitter raised turkeys and called them thanksgiving and christmas...

was shown how to kill a chicken with an axe and watch it run around by babysitter

my cousins road isn't plowed in the winter time its rolled cause its a snowmobile trail and they have the right-of-way



thats all i can think of for now...

 

[camrycev6]

They have "hicks" in Maine? Come to think of it, I haven't seen a state yet that didn't have them. I've been to 32 of them... so I would say the odds are good they all have them.

 

[jbiird317]

hicks, hill-billies, rednecks... us "resourceful, unsophisticated" people are all the same

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

I have a quarter circle scar in between my eyebrows from where I scopped myself w. my 7mm Savage riffle while hunting...

 

[-pixy-]

I have a quarter circle scar in between my eyebrows from where I scopped myself w. my 7mm Savage riffle while hunting...

repost

I s*** in the woods and had to wipe my ass w/ a dirty rag when i was hunting wild hog in north FL...

I scoped myself w/ my 7mm riffle and left a quarter circle scar in the middle of my forhead.

I shot many rounds of ammo at a fridge found in the woods.

I went hunting in an El Camino

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

doh!

 

[jbiird317]

my friend from alabama was in town last night, he brought me a present from his work... its a winchester ammunition logo cap. First of all, sweeeeet gift, second, sweet job he has that he gets to use a 8 gauge shotgun on a regular basis while wearing his shirt and tie to work....(cement kiln engineer, shotgun blast to break up concrete)

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

while hunting our car got stuck in some sugar sand so we were trying to free it up be stuffing tree branches and such under the rear tires. The guy we were staying w/ had this brilliant idea for us both to grab one end of a 4 inch thick tree branch and to run full force into a tree to hit it in the middle and break it.

It was early in the morning and i didnt have my brain w/ me so i said ok, and before my other friend could say something we took off... The guy holding the other end was a lot smaller than me and he got there first which knocked it out of his hands and launched the branch at my face. It hit me, i flew up in the air and was knocked out.

After my other friend woke me up and verified I was ok I climed in the back of the car. Then, about an hour later, after we got the car unstuck and got out in the woods to hunt I looked at my friend and asked "How'd we get the car unstuck? How'd we get out here?"

LOL

 

[daonly1around]

while hunting our car got stuck in some sugar sand so we were trying to free it up be stuffing tree branches and such under the rear tires. The guy we were staying w/ had this brilliant idea for us both to grab one end of a 4 inch thick tree branch and to run full force into a tree to hit it in the middle and break it.

It was early in the morning and i didnt have my brain w/ me so i said ok, and before my other friend could say something we took off... The guy holding the other end was a lot smaller than me and he got there first which knocked it out of his hands and launched the branch at my face. It hit me, i flew up in the air and was knocked out.

After my other friend woke me up and verified I was ok I climed in the back of the car. Then, about an hour later, after we got the car unstuck and got out in the woods to hunt I looked at my friend and asked "How'd we get the car unstuck? How'd we get out here?"

LOL

i was laughing after the second sentence...

 

[camrycev6]

My "BB gun" as a kid was a .22 rifle.... Great for shooting squirrels, rocks, or anything with nothing but woods behind it.

 

[Diehonda]

When I was ten I would go over my friends house and we would run around his back yard throwing steak knives at each other. It was all fun and games until he threw a meet cleaver and it got stuck in my shoulder. His grandmother pulled it out and put some iodine on it and a piece of tape.

While my brother in law where out looking at potential properties we came to the top of a hill and had to stop for three chickens to cross ther road. So the new ending to that age old tale is the chicken crossed the road so a Mazda wouldn't flatten it.

Went out cow tipping with some city folks and told one guy that the easiest cows to tip were right over that fence, know that is where they keep the bull. He jumps the fence, you here a few grunt and what sounded like a stampede of pissed off bull charging. I have never seen a person jump a fence that fast in my life.

Been noodling plenty of times(crawling in the water reaching in holes for catfish, shoving your hand/arm in their nouth and pulling them out). You haven't fished until you have been forearm deep in a 25lb. catfish.

 

[jbiird317]

While my brother in law where out looking at potential properties we came to the top of a hill and had to stop for three chickens to cross ther road. So the new ending to that age old tale is the chicken crossed the road so a Mazda wouldn't flatten it.

I ran a chicken over with my bike once (not motorbike, just bike...)

Been noodling plenty of times(crawling in the water reaching in holes for catfish, shoving your hand/arm in their nouth and pulling them out). You haven't fished until you have been forearm deep in a 25lb. catfish.

I want to do this sooo bad! I read an article about this in field & stream a few months ago, looks like a hell of a lot of fun...