Pet Owners: Need Advice

[gone_fishin]

To all you pet owners, I'm in need of some advice.

My girlfriend of 4 years, has recently found out that her cat has intestinal cancer. Evidently the cancer has developed since her last vet visit, and has metastasized significantly since then. It has approx. two weeks to live. Needless to say, she is devastated. She has had this cat since she was about 8 years old, and it's been basically her child ever since.

Chemotherapy isn't an option. Even if she could afford it, she said it seemed purely selfish to give her cat at the most another year of (painful) life before it dies. It probably wouldn't tolerate the chemo either, due to its extensive hyperglycemic diabetis.

She's made the decision to have her put down within the next week, and she's not taking it well, and though I don't (and never have) owned pets, I can certainly understand that pets become like family members. Although I can sympathize, I don't know what to say to her. How can I support her, especially at the time of it's final vet-visit? I've been trying to rap my head around being in her situation-- knowing my pet will be dying within 7 days. I really can't fathom what it must be like to have to take your pet to be put down, saying goodbye.

What's the best way for her to cope? How do I support her. What do I say?

 

[Rush]

Honestly .. I don't really believe there's any 'right' thing to say in a situation like that. It's an awful, painful, heartbreaking situation -- and there's absolutely nothing that anyone can do about it.

Just be there for her, and remind her that her cat is going to be going to a better place -- where there's no more hurt, no more sickness, and plenty of mice to chase!

 

[gone_fishin]

Honestly .. I don't really believe there's any 'right' thing to say in a situation like that. It's an awful, painful, heartbreaking situation -- and there's absolutely nothing that anyone can do about it.

Just be there for her, and remind her that her cat is going to be going to a better place -- where there's no more hurt, no more sickness, and plenty of mice to chase!

Usually I'm the type of guy that is never lost for words, but I certainly am now.

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

Rush is right. Death is a hard thing to "be there" for someone since there's nothing really that you can say to make their pain go away. Just like she said, just be there for her as a shoulder to cry on and to comfort her until she is ready.

edit: you can tell her that she is doing the right thing by putting the cat down as it wont have to be in pain anymore.

 

[jred321]

buy her jewelry?




<-----should not be listened to

 

[gone_fishin]

buy her jewelry?




<-----should not be listened to

lol

 

[Alejo_NIN]

don't go buying her another cat!!!

gosh, it would make things worse...

i would leave her alone...don't mention it, try to make her happy in other ways but show her (don't TELL HER) that you are there for her....
be extra sensitive with her....

try to get her mind out of the cat...

no cat movies
no cat videos

 

[gone_fishin]

don't go buying her another cat!!!

gosh, it would make things worse...

i would leave her alone...don't mention it, try to make her happy in other ways but show her (don't TELL HER) that you are there for her....
be extra sensitive with her....

try to get her mind out of the cat...

no cat movies
no cat videos

I figured I'd take that approach. Rhetorical question: How soon is too soon for her to be getting another cat?

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

let her determine that.

I figured I'd take that approach. Rhetorical question: How soon is too soon for her to be getting another cat?

 

[jred321]

what about a dog instead so it's not as much of a direct replacement? and i'd say give it a good 6 months at least either way unless she brings it up

 

[gone_fishin]

what about a dog instead so it's not as much of a direct replacement? and i'd say give it a good 6 months at least either way unless she brings it up

She's a cat-person really. Her parents have two dogs.

 

[Alejo_NIN]

buy her a car.....chances are it'll never get cancer


she'll be in too much stress seing that for 10+ years she had such and such cat and now she has something that doens't even behave the same way

it'll be too hard

 

[Rush]

I wouldn't even TOUCH the subject of buying ANY kind of pet -- I mean, even something like a fish -- until SHE brings it up.

Let her heal at her own pace. It might take two months, it might take two years. When she's ready for another pet, she'll let you know.

 

[Rosshole]

Unfortunately, I have just recently had to deal with pet health problems problems.Pistol

I also believe that when you buy a pet, you HAVE TO realize that in most circumstances, you are going to be outliving that animal.

Yes feel sad about the loss, but don't act like you never saw it coming.

 

[gone_fishin]

Unfortunately, I have just recently had to deal with pet health problems problems.Pistol

I also believe that when you buy a pet, you HAVE TO realize that in most circumstances, you are going to be outliving that animal.

Yes feel sad about the loss, but don't act like you never saw it coming.

I still have to be sympathetic though. I mean, I was trying to think about how I'd react-- I'd be devastated too. It's got to take an incredible ammount of fortitude to drive your pet to the vet's office to have it put down.

 

[Foolish]

Yeah, just be there. Don't plan to say anything. You'll know what to say in the moment, or not to say anything.

This is kind of thing no one can really give you advice on, 'cause we don't know how you two interact, what kind of person she is, etc. Humor works for some people and gets some people dumped, so I can't tell you whether or not to joke about it, tell her about past experiences of yours or anything else like that.

 

[gone_fishin]

Yeah, just be there. Don't plan to say anything. You'll know what to say in the moment, or not to say anything.

This is kind of thing no one can really give you advice on, 'cause we don't know how you two interact, what kind of person she is, etc. Humor works for some people and gets some people dumped, so I can't tell you whether or not to joke about it, tell her about past experiences of yours or anything else like that.

She would take humor in general well, but not about the cat.

 

[EvilJen]

Just the fact that you took the time to seek advice about this speaks volumes about how much you care.

Like everyone said, just be there for her and help her through this.

 

[RacerXGirl]

Just be there to support her, hold her if she needs to cry, go with her to the vet when it is time, and savor the time that her companion has left.

Luke (Rogue) went with me when I had to have my sweet Smokey put down - he kept it together when I couldn't, held me at the vet when I wept for the loss of my companion of 15 years, and just loved me when something would bring a past memory to mind that caused me to cry months after he was gone.

They're a part of our families - there's no easy or right way to deal with their deaths. Just love her and be there for her.

May her cat's passing be swift and peaceful, held in the arms of those who loved her - so that it shall no longer hurt or suffer, but be whole once again.

 

[Speed3girl]

IMO just be there for her. If she wants to cry be the shoulder she cries on, if she wants to yell let her yell, if she wants to get another pet talk about it. This is something she will have to cope with and having you there is all she needs. Don't push her to talk.

I am so sorry about this. this is hard i know. But unfortunately it is one of the down sides to having a pet.

Good luck and I wish you two the best.