jokes

[evilmonkeyMSP]

lol that was retarded but Im laughing...

 

[AlaskaP5]

So there are two muffins in an oven

One goes to the other, "damn it's hot in here"

the other muffin then replies, "Holy s***, a talking muffin."

Best joke i've heard today!

 

[SaaBaaDoo]

I'm cryin here...LOL So stupid yet soo funny!!!

 

[MikeAwesome42]

one day bush is walking into the white house with 3 cows behind him, the marine gaurd snaps to attention and says "SIR, NICE COWS, SIR". bush says "boy, these arent just regular cows, these are TEXAS cows...i got one for each for my wife and daughters." the gaurd again snaps to attention and says "SIR, GOOD TRADE, SIR"

 

[aMaff]

*muffin joke*

AWESOME!

 

[Rawyzf]

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?


I can't find my tractor.

 

[aMaff]

Redneck joke

So a southern gentleman (read: redneck) sends his kid to Mercer (the princeton of the south!). After a couple of weeks, the kid goes home for the weekend. The father, curious to know how well he had spent his money, asks "Boy, wut you dun learnt?" The son thinks for a second and proudly says "Well pop, they dun taught me PI r squared!" The father flies into a rage and shouts "You dumbass, everyone knows that pie are round, cornbread are square!"

 

[sanblaster]

^^Nice.

A family of tomatoes are walking down the sidewalk,

A mama, a papa, and their little son.

The little son starts to lag behind,

so the papa tomato slows down, and stomps his son

and tells him "Ketchup"

(cricket) (cricket)

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

A man wants a new pet to keep him company so he thinks what better pet to entertain me than a parrot?

So the man goes to the pet store to find a parrot. When he gets there he finds the perfect parrot & he is relatively cheap. He questions the pet store worker why he is so cheap. The worker replies "Well he has a very slight cussing problem." At the time the man thought this would be great entertainment & purchased the bird.

Once he got the bird home he found out about his "slight" cussing problem. Every other word was ****, s***, cock, etc...you name it, this bird new it. This went on for days & the man was getting quite fed up w/ the birds language as no one found it amusing any longer. So one day as he walked by the bird he heard "**** you, **** you" and that was it. He told the bird "Say it one more time & Im sticking your ass in the freezer!!!" The bird calmy replied "**** you, **** you"

That was it...the man grabbed the bird & tossed him into the freezer. After about 30 minutes he decided to check up on the bird. He opend the door & the parrot came out and said " Im so terribly sorry for my action, it shall not happen again. But I do have one question.... What exactly did the chicken do?"

 

[aMaff]

hahaha nice

 

[Stormtrooper77]

3 strings walk into a bar. The first string goes to the bartender and ask for a beer. The bartender says we dont serve string here. This is a fn joke, your bar is the worst, Im never stepping foot in here again! says the string. Second string walks up to the bartender and orders a vodka on the rocks. The bartender says I just told your buddy we dont serve string here. The string stomps out cursing and cussing, fn bar! Im going across the street! Third string goes up to the bar and orders a shot. Bartender says Once again, I dont serve string here, youll have to leave! Third string says No, Im afraid not.

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

lol

 

[chuyler1]

A ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying brown paint. What happened to the sailors?

They were marooned!

 

[protegeric]

OHHH MAN! ahh! that`s a horrible joke. I remember when someone told me that one. it`s funnier in person. ahh... jeez...

what does a gay horse eat?

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

 

[daonly1around]

what did one casket say to the other casket?


is that you coughin?

i got that from mr roscOOO p coltrain.

 

[Saltatrix]

Oddly enough... I just wanted to tell a few jokes someone told me and now look what I started. (cheers)


A guy walks into a bar...
Ouch!

& how about...

A guy dies and goes to hell, the devil gives him 3 choices of torture, the guys see a guy getting slowly lowered into a pit full of crocodiles, then he sees a guy being hung upside down with fire creeping towards him, then he finally sees a guy chained to the wall naked. And this beautiful brunette girl is giving him a blow job...

So the guy tells the devil "I'll choose the last option!"

The devil says OK, and taps the girl on the shoulder and tells her "your replacement is here"

 

[Dr.Sound]

....i dont get the string joke :|

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

Im afraid not = Im a frayed knot....meaning he's not a string & can get served...

....i dont get the string joke :|

 

[Dr.Sound]

ohh.....i get it (boom07)

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

lol