I need some emotional support

[Matthew]

i hope it works out for the better

 

[Cirielle]

Not all women dump a guy out of the blue because they are ******* someone else.
A lot of times it isn't "all out of the blue" She hasn't been happy with the relationship for a while and finally got up the nerve to say something. Some women don't want to hurt the guy they are in a relationship with and feel guilty that they will cause them pain.
Plus usually if a person is willing to cheat...well they do it on the slide. They get the best of both worlds. Plus cheating a lot of times is about the excitement of getting caught...if there is no one to catch you....well what's the point???
It could be a million and one reasons why she broke it off with him....and to tell you the truth not a damn single one of them truly matters!
It is not the why he should be questioning....because that will lead to thinking about the past.....the question he should really be asking is -
What now?

Let her go...that is the best course of action. Sometimes a person needs to step back, take a breath, and realize what they had. Other times a person just needs to be alone to figure out what is inside their heads and realize that things just weren't right.

I dated a guy that started out as my friend. I found it fun and exciting at first and then, I just realized that I didn't love him. Never would or could. He was nice, but not what I wanted. I tried to break it off with him and he kept coming around. Out of guilt I went back with him. I started to hate him at that point. I just wanted to be away from him and he wanted to be around me 24/7. He started to get jealous for no reason! He knew that the relationship was not working but he didn't want to own up to that fact! Anyways one night he says to me...."I think we should break up......(blah blah blah - a couple of other sentences) ....maybe in a couple of weeks we could get back together" It floored me.....a. because I wanted to break up! b. because I didn't want to get back together c. because why would you break up to get back together?
So I told him "NO" No more! That is was over and that was it. To leave me alone and get out of my life. He didn't get that hint (BLATANT SENTENCE!) either. He hung around for a month and a half more. Within that time, I actually fell for a guy that he had accused me of liking. At the time of the accusation I did not like the guy at all! I mean I really really really really didn't! I never thought of that guy in that way!!! He was just a friend and had been for 3 years! Plus he was Preppie...something I never saw myself with! (To explain I was/am into metal/dark music and dress in all black, kinda gothic, but more hardcore). So before anyone else told my ex that I was with my current boyfriend, I decided I would step up to the plate and do the honorable thing. In doing that, he started to go around saying that we broke up because I was cheating on him!
I still to this day find that lame! To save face, he decided to state that it was all my fault and that I was a slut.

So the point of the story really is - sometimes a two people just can't work it out or be together, because it just isn't right...even if there were no true problems there. Sometimes you can't just "love the one you are with"!

I am not trying to shoot down your feelings of hope nor am I trying to elevate them, because either way it is more despair then you should have to deal with. I am just stating that sometimes life does weird things and before you know it you may find out that a relationship that seemed so important to you pales in comparison to the next one!

BTW - that next relationship for me has been the absolute best! He is the nice guy that everyone states that no women wants! And he is my husband and the father of my child! He is not a bad boy....and that is the way that he differs from all of my ex-boyfriend's. Sometimes the good guys do get the girl!

 

[Matthew]

i think you got that first sentance from websters dictionary:

Stringingsomeonealong - Verb. Definition: A lot of times it isn't "all out of the blue" She hasn't been happy with the relationship for a while and finally got up the nerve to say something. Usually happens when some chick decides she cant make up her mind or have the guts to tell someone its not working out until its too late. causes many hateful crimes in the U.S. each day.

 

[richelesro]

I wouldn't call it "stringing someone along", but more "lack of communication". Aren't women the ones that always respect communication in a relationship? I would have been more stressed had my ex talked to me about her thoughts earlier, but then it wouldn't have been such a shock when things finally came apart. Sometimes I wonder about the "I've been thinking about this for the past month" lines.

 

[Matthew]

thats because 99 percent of women are flakes. while the media and women in general want you to think its so hard to find a decent guy, its harder to find a decent girl. why? because theyve got a pussy. so prior to that factor, its pretty even game as to which sex are bigger idiots, but throw in the fact that they have a pussy, and it makes them ten times worse. why? because they know guys want it and some morons will do anything FOR it, and so they can use it forcefully against us. some guys cant get laid for all their life no matter how hard they try. how often do you see guys going "well s***, every chick that sees me just wants to ****" as opposed to women, who since they turned 16, have had to fend off just about every guy theyve ever met.

 

[Cirielle]

If that is the case then aren't all precursors (dates that is) to marriage just ....
stringssomeonealong????
I know that I truly wanted to love that guy. I wanted to love someone at that point. I, personally, was just broken! I had been through Hell with another person and was not over that! I never had any intentions of stringing that guy along. In fact, we had a conversation once where I told him that are relationship would never get past dating!!! I stated that I would not marry him ever. This was at least 4 months before we broke up. He knew where he stood. I told him. I have a knack for not holding back on most things!
I just knew that I cared for him and I had hoped at one point it would be love. At the end I realized that I had duped myself more than him! Plus we both were changing. I was different than when I first met him. I wanted different things and had different goals.

I do know one thing Matt, what ever girl ****** you over....man she must have ****** you over bad!!!!
Or for that matter, what ever person ****** you over ****** with your head BAD!

 

[Cirielle]

thats because 99 percent of women are flakes. while the media and women in general want you to think its so hard to find a decent guy, its harder to find a decent girl. why? because theyve got a pussy. so prior to that factor, its pretty even game as to which sex are bigger idiots, but throw in the fact that they have a pussy, and it makes them ten times worse. why? because they know guys want it and some morons will do anything FOR it, and so they can use it forcefully against us. some guys cant get laid for all their life no matter how hard they try. how often do you see guys going "well s***, every chick that sees me just wants to ****" as opposed to women, who since they turned 16, have had to fend off just about every guy theyve ever met.

Actually I know a couple of guys who could have gotten laid and chose not to!
(Trust me sounds weird to me too! There are guys out there!)
And I also know a couple of guys that can say that every girl that sees me wants to **** me. I have seen the arrogant ones as well!

I think that in your life you have met some pretty ****** up people and it has definately had a negative impact on you. A REALLY NEGATIVE ONE!

 

[jersey_emt]

mopiko...check your PM's.

 

[richelesro]

Actually I know a couple of guys who could have gotten laid and chose not to!
(Trust me sounds weird to me too! There are guys out there!)
And I also know a couple of guys that can say that every girl that sees me wants to **** me. I have seen the arrogant ones as well!

Realistically, it's easy to get laid. It's much harder to find someone you can really care about and spend your life with, or even consider spending your life with. I look for the second type of woman, and have turned down offers for just getting laid; it's not nearly all that I look for.

 

[Matthew]

Actually I know a couple of guys who could have gotten laid and chose not to!

exactly, a couple.

actually i had one kinda bad relationship, which didnt really scar me whatsoever, just made me smarter. now some of my FRIENDS on the other hand...they had it rough, but had women like you who just didnt have the balls to tell them there wasnt anything going to happen. or they thought they were over their ex boyfriend (quote below) and wasnt, and ruined their relationship because of it.

I had been through Hell with another person and was not over that!

then why the **** were you dating again? another case of a woman not knowing what she wants.

If that is the case then aren't all precursors (dates that is) to marriage just ....
stringssomeonealong????

no. ive been able to distinguish my **** relationships. sure, you go out, go to movies, dinner, whatever, to have fun. but you know in your heart that you are in the relationship for two reasons: to ****, and to have fun. and to have fun while you wait to get ****** if shes being picky. (though there is a certain time limit on waiting)

a lot of women cant tell the difference. they think that a guy is taking them out and loves them. no, he loves to **** and have fun. what do you think the ratio of relationships with ******* lasting 6+ months to relationships without ******* is? slim to none.

dont get me wrong, sometimes the roles can be reversed, but because of the way society puts different sexes in different roles, it rarely happens.

heres an example. i was a junior in high school. this guy i knew was fed up with this chick he was dating because they never ******. almost a year, and no score for him. she was in my computer class last period catching up on work during her study hall. i asked her to come home with me, and i ****** her brains out twice before driving her home. never talked to her again, and she never attempted to talk to me again. she knew what the purpose of the visit was for. neither her nor i attempted to make it into a relationship or start talking about some godawful marriage situation (like some chicks did in high school once they got laid for the first time) or holding hands or some other horrid s***.

 

[Matthew]

Realistically, it's easy to get laid. It's much harder to find someone you can really care about and spend your life with, or even consider spending your life with.

exactly, like i said most women are flakes. thats why guys look to have fun before settling down.

 

[EVILSRT]

I was in the same boat, just think of all the good things and you will be fine.

 

[Cirielle]

exactly, a couple.

actually i had one kinda bad relationship, which didnt really scar me whatsoever, just made me smarter. now some of my FRIENDS on the other hand...they had it rough, but had women like you who just didnt have the balls to tell them there wasnt anything going to happen. or they thought they were over their ex boyfriend (quote below) and wasnt, and ruined their relationship because of it.

Didn't you read the part where I stated that my intentions were to just date! Told him that. Made him cry because I told him that. I wasn't trying to hurt his feelings, and it wasn't like he was proposing, I just stated that I didn't want to get married to him. I have always had the balls to state how I think and what I think. Like I said in the beginning things were different! I was working through my feeling as they came up! I wasn't happy, I tried to work through that with him, and well it didn't work! No lies there. Straight truth! He wanted the relationship to be more than what it was and yet I am flakey for this?

then why the **** were you dating again? another case of a woman not knowing what she wants.

Why the **** shouldn't I have been dating! I knew that I wanted to date, what is so wrong in not wanting to be serious about a person! I let him know that too! Did he listen, nope. Should I be totally at fault? Nope! There is a lot more to the story then written as it is...that was an overly simplified paragraph that stated that not all the time do two people have the same intentions as their mate and therefore a relationship will not work because of it!

no. ive been able to distinguish my **** relationships. sure, you go out, go to movies, dinner, whatever, to have fun. but you know in your heart that you are in the relationship for two reasons: to ****, and to have fun. and to have fun while you wait to get ****** if shes being picky. (though there is a certain time limit on waiting)

a lot of women cant tell the difference. they think that a guy is taking them out and loves them. no, he loves to **** and have fun. what do you think the ratio of relationships with ******* lasting 6+ months to relationships without ******* is? slim to none.

dont get me wrong, sometimes the roles can be reversed, but because of the way society puts different sexes in different roles, it rarely happens.

heres an example. i was a junior in high school. this guy i knew was fed up with this chick he was dating because they never ******. almost a year, and no score for him. she was in my computer class last period catching up on work during her study hall. i asked her to come home with me, and i ****** her brains out twice before driving her home. never talked to her again, and she never attempted to talk to me again. she knew what the purpose of the visit was for. neither her nor i attempted to make it into a relationship or start talking about some godawful marriage situation (like some chicks did in high school once they got laid for the first time) or holding hands or some other horrid s***.

So when you used to go out on dates and you knew in your heart it was for ****'s sake, do you think that they did? Or did you tell them that....
yeah here's dinner/here some grub....wanna **** now or what?
I highly doubt that. And I highly doubt that are previous relationship before your wife were that way.
I am sure that you went on a couple of dates that you wanted to see where the relationship took you. Obviously those didn't work out and I am sure that not all those women broke it off with you, but hey I guess they were all flakes too, because they should have known that you were going to break up with them. Just another case of them not knowing what they wanted too. They should have known that they really didn't want to be in a relationship with you and you had to tell them that.

 

[mopiko]

Ciriell: Thanks for giving me the view from a girl's perspective, looks a lot different.

Honestly speaking I am not looking for girls to date to get laid, my religion prohibit me to do so, but I sense this girl was all about touch, we didn't get that far, but it was to a level that I was uncomfortable with.

But whatever, it's all over, I can only think if it as a dream, a dream that was good but didn't last. Now what sucks about this dream is that after the good part is over, the nightmare part always comes back in my dream at night, making me wake up everyday at 6:00am, no matter how late I sleep.

Just hate relationship turned sour. I got cheated on once before, that was horrible, and that girl had a presence of mind to tell me about it when she drove me to the airport the day I had to fly all the way back to Hong Kong, then I got stuck at Vancouver Canada for a night because of a snow storm... yeah, when it rains, it pours....

But then I've never turn around and tell others she's a slut for cheating, in fact I never said anything, my friends just kept accusing her for it, 2 years later her boyfriend got a treatable cancer, I even had a presense of mind to send her a get well card for both of them and attended their wedding half a year later. Honestly speaking I wouldn't want to have this story repeat itself, just hoping that I can find my true love for my lifetime before she does. Kinda help me get my mind off her altogether.

Again, many thanks for all of you, Matthew, yes your comments may be rough, but that's what I need to hear, someone to snap me in the face out of my world and realize the situation.

 

[mopiko]

I was in the same boat, just think of all the good things and you will be fine.

First good thing I think about now is this board, with all the constructive comments to me it's helping me to move on.... you guys have changed my perspective a lot in the short 24 hours.

 

[Matthew]

Why the **** shouldn't I have been dating!

you said you werent ready, you said it yourself!

And I highly doubt that are previous relationship before your wife were that way.

i was going to respond to this sentance, then i realized it made no sense grammatically and i wasnt sure what you were trying to say for sure.

I am sure that you went on a couple of dates that you wanted to see where the relationship took you.

So when you used to go out on dates and you knew in your heart it was for ****'s sake, do you think that they did?

youre wrong again. if you go to the club and think thats going to be where the love of your life is hanging out, youre prolly wrong. if a chick comes on to me while im at work and wants to know what im doing later, im sure its not because of my personality, its because she wants to ****. upon agreeing to meet, its obvious we both want to just ****. i never looked for the love of my life, or wife, or however you want to call it. i knew i wouldnt be likely to find her anywhere i normally went (parties, ****** at work, strip club, dance club), and when i found her it was by accident.

I knew that I wanted to date

you mean you knew you wanted to ****. after all, you said:

I wanted to love someone at that point. I, personally, was just broken! I had been through Hell with another person and was not over that!

so you were looking to love anyone on the rebound and you werent emotionally ready for a relationship despite that you wanted to love someone at that point. thats why you shouldnt have been dating, because you were in a pathetic state, that you mentioned yourself.

 

[Dreeza]

Again, many thanks for all of you, Matthew, yes your comments may be rough, but that's what I need to hear, someone to snap me in the face out of my world and realize the situation.

ive been reading, but i honestly dont have anything new to say...i'm so glad you are appreciating Matthew's comments though and not getting upset over them, cause he's right in many ways...

 

[Matthew]

dreeza you seem cool though, and real, and not like the percentage of women im portraying in my comments.

but just to re-iterate:

yes, i am kinda bashing women in general here. but my comments are true. im not bashing women over men however. men are just as big of assholes. trust me.

 

[Dreeza]

dreeza you seem cool though, and real, and not like the percentage of women im portraying in my comments.

but just to re-iterate:

yes, i am kinda bashing women in general here. but my comments are true. im not bashing women over men however. men are just as big of assholes. trust me.

hahah so true, but seriously, some girls bug the hell outta me...what you were saying about the whole cooch thing...so true...i've seen it so many times where a poor sweet guy is used so bad, some guys are so whipped and will do anything for a girl, and in return the guy has to deal with some b****

In the end, some men are assholes, some women are bitches....

 

[Matthew]

i agree, although i would replace both instances of "some" with "most"