I just got done washing and waxing my car, so here's my 2 cents:
If possible, do it on a cloudy day, but not one where it's gonna rain. That will give you some extra time to dry it so it doesn't do it on it's own and leave watermarks, esp. if you have hard water. Start out rinsing it down, obviously. To wash it, i use a sheepskin glove. make sure it's soaked through before starting to clean. The soft wool brings the dirt up away from the surface of the car, thus preventing swirls. Afterwards, dry it with a chamois cloth (make sure it's all the way wet and then wrung out). Again, it's absorbent and prevents swirls. Using windex or whatever on the windows keeps them all good. Regarding what type of soap to use, I'd recommend nothing with wax included. I had that, but after the first few uses, I've found that it leaves wax on the windows, which just creates extra work to take it off before rain-x'ing it.
Today was the first time i waxed my car and i just have to say it looks amazing. I used the Maguires (sp?) 3 step formula. Cleaning, polishing, waxing. I used a buffer to apply the stuff, and wiped it off manually with terry cloth. The finer the terry cloth, the better, but i wouldn't go with anything else. This took me the better part of the afternoon (washing, cleaning, polishing, waxing), so don't start the cleaning unless you have time for the rest. but if you do go all the way and get through the waxing, it looks amazing. i wish i had pics of before and after, but i didn't even think of it until i started the polishing...
that's all i have. hope it helps someone.