GF and I are going on a break...

[Rush]

Rush, let me be the first to say that we [guys] appreciate your persepctive. But I gotta call you out on your long-distance relationship strategy. I work about 45 minutes from my house. My wife commutes a little over an hour. We live together in the middle (and we did the same before we were married). Living an hour a part and seeing each other 2 days out of every 14 does not describe the kind of close, meaningful relationship that Thugs had or wants. In fact, I think he is leaving the very same kind of convenice-based relationship I dare say you have.

Thugs, the first 5 years after college will define you. College gives you [life] experience that will guide the decisions you make in your twenties that will forever color your life. Make those decisions the best they can be for your future, not your past. Carpe diem! Carpe...tomorrow, too. At the very least Thugs, listen to Rush's last para, she speak the truth.

A lot of it depends on circumstances too, though. There's a lot of 'extra' information that I didn't post about my current situation, as I didn't want to start babbling away and turn it into a fifty page post, LOL.

Everyone's circumstances are unique, bottom-line. There's the general rule, there are the exceptions, and so on. Yadda yadda.

But you ARE definitely right about the college thing. Oh Lord, are you ever. I think that's also part of Thug's problem -- he's been through college. She hasn't yet.

Bah, I think I ate too much pizza and it's making me think too much. Yarg.

 

[ZoomZoomH]

pizza can make j00 think?? (eek2)

 

[smo0f]

After carefully reading Cindy's post, i can clearly summarize it into this: "I wanted to cheat on my boyfriend while he was gone, but no one wanted to sleep with me." AHthankyou.

 

[Lord_Zath]

She's clearly looking into other people. But just because she's looking doesn't mean she isn't being unfaithful. Maybe she is trying to see what you'll do to react - if you'll run away or make her love you even more. Try a romantic trip together or bring her flowers. The old showing up with flowers trick worked once for me in college. Caught her red-handed. Or should I say white-handed.

DO NOT get a job down by her unless YOU want it for YOU. After only 8 months, you should be doing what's best for YOU. Not for both. I've learned this one the hard way, too. I'm kinda in a similar situation. Though it's reversed - she's talking about moving farther away and crap. So at this point, I'm not keeping my hopes up.

Girls are like cars. There's another one around every corner. Be patient. Take your time. Don't make quick conclusions/decisions. If she's worth it, she'll stay with you.

 

[Rush]

After carefully reading Cindy's post, i can clearly summarize it into this: "I wanted to cheat on my boyfriend while he was gone, but no one wanted to sleep with me." AHthankyou.

.. Dammit! LOL

 

[Thug541]

Wow guys....these are great suggestions. The only reason I don't think there is another guy once again is because of how are relationship was. I trust her 100% to a point where I think she would tell me the moment she did anything with anyone else. Thats why i think she might be interested in another guy....and to her, that appeals as an easier way to deal with things. Right now, I am giving her her space she requested, I sent that email and I won't do anything else. The ball is firmly in her court. I just don't appreciate the limbo that is this "break." Man...should stick to girls my own age haha. But yeah, i'm willing to do anything to stay with her as long as her intentions have been true. If she responds to my email saying she does not have any interest in another guy, I will have to believe her just based on how our relationship has been. One of her main problems, is she gives up when things get difficult. And this is I think the case currently. I'll let you guys know how it goes. Thanks again.

 

[Falango]

Ya breaks don't do s***. Me and my ex went on a break after 3 and a half years and it solved nothing. We got back together and only lasted another 4 months before s*** just got too annoying to put up with anymore. If you are on a break and allowing each other to see other people, to put it into simple terms, it's over.

 

[tviera]

I've never been friends with a girl that I didn't want to split her head open on my headboard. I would be the nice guy and listen to all their BS and if I realized that there wasn't a chance of plowing the bejesus out of them, I would slowly stop being responsive to their piss and moans. It funny how I still friends with the ones I've been with and not the ones who only wanted to chew my ear off.

If she is going to be true to you, he'll give up. Then she'll realize that leaving you was a bad decision.

 

[chucko642]

Man i feel you on this one. Last April my girl and I went on a break it was a mutual thing but I tell you what, it was the best thing we could have done for our relationship. We were sepperated for about two months (we had been dating for about 5 and 1/2 years prior to this). During our break we didn't call each other or see one another. After about two months we both realized what a big mistake it was not to be together. We got back together and are now engaged to be married June 16th 2007. Just give it some time dog and youll make it through. Remeber this stupid corny saying "If you love something let it go, if it was meant to be it will return".

I feel for ya, PM if you need to talk to someone who knows what your going through.

lates

 

[Thug541]

So I just wanted to update you guys on the whole situation. SO like I said I sent her an email explaining how I was feeling and what not and she sent me an email back. Since then, we have been talking again kinda reguarly and I now understand where she is coming from a lot better. Heres the email she sent me:

Doug,

so i let this letter sit in my inbox for a couple of days before i even
attempted to reply to it.... so here i am sitting in the computer lab at
10:30 in the morning crying my eyes out.... clearly the perfect time to
address a situation such as this one. i don't really even know where to
begin.... i will admit to you that i have been feeling that maybe it would
be easier to just date someone who doesn't live 3 hours away, isn't in the
middle of moving and looking for a career, and can be with me at the drop
of a dime. that being said, what you do need to know is that just because
i am having doubts about our relationship doesn't mean that i am out on
the hunt for another boyfriend. sure it would be great to date someone
who lives close to me, however that doesn't mean i absolutely need male
companionship at all times in my life. One of the things stephanie said
to me recently is that one of my biggest problems is that i always need to
put up a wall, i need to make absolute sure that i prevent my feelings
from getting hurt at all times, and that i push people away who could even
possibly hurt me. not that i think you would hurt me.... but as you know
i was in this situation before and got burned... badly. for the past week
half of me has been miserable wondering why i can't be a normal person,
why i can't just suck it up and deal with the distance, why you moving
back home has to be such a damper in my life to the point where i feel
like i can't even be with you anymore. then the other half of me feels
like i am in college, i should be out having fun with my friends, i
shouldn't be worrying about when the next time i will see my boyfriend is,
or if i do this will my boyfriend be upset.... i am literally just torn.
yes, i spend a lot of time with nick, and if i were you i would be just as
jealous, probably more. we hang out, go out to eat, pretty much do what
people who are dating do. the way nick has made me feel recently is
nothing more than "wow.... i really wish i wasn't in a long distance
relationship...." it's not nick, it's the IDEA of having somebody there
for me when i need them to be and when i want them to be. there is no
emotional attachment there... he is just the first person who i started to
hang out with on a regular basis. the whole idea of this break was for me
to see how i would be without you, if i would be able to handle it. also,
so that i wouldn't be dragging you along while i was trying to figure out
what i wanted.... this break was definately not meant to have you here as
a safety net... it was meant to not hurt your feelings, believe it or not.
so where do we go from here? what do we do? i know you're up here this
weekend (yes i started this in the computer lab but i had to take a
break...) and i don't want to ignore you i just don't know what the best
idea would be... my parents should be here in about an hour and then i
have to work tonight... i guess just let me know your feelings when you
read this... all i can say is that i'm sorry, and the last thing i would
EVER want to do is hurt you in any way

While we are still not fully back together things seem to be getting better. Today was actually our 9 month anniversary and we both acknowledged that. Since she has explained the break better, I see where she is coming from and decided that I will give her the time she needs.

Not to sound like an ass cause I did appreciate the feedback u guys left, but man....you guys had me paranoid she was cheating on me haha. I'm pretty confident she hasn't and wouldn't...but you never know. But I am trusting her for now.

 

[girth]

Well, all I can tell you is what I would do if I was in your shoes - and what I'd do is I'd forget her and move on. GENERALLY speaking women cannot be trusted, PERIOD! Yeah I know there are always exceptions blah blah blah, but just from her email she doesn't seem like the type that would be an exception to that rule. She never did explain how "taking a break" is NOT the same as "I want to use you as a fall-back guy". Newflash - THEY ARE THE SAME THING -- it means "leave me alone for a while and if I don't find a situation that makes me happier than I am now, I'll come back to you." That's what it is, plain and simple.

 

[Thug541]

Maybe....but shes young still. And she has only been honest in the past....I have no reason to not trust her now simply becuase other people have been burned. I'm just not that type of guy. She admitted that the difficulty has her scared....but she also said shes not looking for a replacement for me. I personally think this relationship can end up something special if we get thru this lil hurdle.....nothing bad enough has happened yet where i should just dump her and move on. Cuase honestly....she would be a hard one to top.

 

[smo0f]

she's taking a break from the guy she was cheating on you with. there's a 3rd guy in the picture now

 

[girth]

she's taking a break from the guy she was cheating on you with. there's a 3rd guy in the picture now

Hahah that crossed my mind too. I understand your feelings on it too Thug....just not how I would handle it. For me people have to EARN trust, I don't just give it out until they do something wrong. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

 

[Thug541]

haha basically. See thats the thing...she has earned my trust. Shes done a lot for me and has been 100% honest with me.....she tells me anytime a guy takes a pass at her etc. You know...it makes it hard not to trust what she says. But i'll keep you updated....haha its like a soap opera right now.

 

[ZoomZoomH]

it all comes down to trust ain't it, let's hope your trust in her isn't wasted, good luck

 

[SlowPro98]

Been there, done that. It took awhile for me to get my s*** together, but I went my own way, did my own thing. I went out, got a car, got a decent job, got a place to live and started partying my ass off. Didn't give my heart to anyone for years, just went looking for good times. hitting up parties, ******* around, watching the sun rise from the roof of a club, crazy road trips to Atlantic city... or manchester NH.. whatever. I went and had the best ******* time of my life! BALLS TO THE WALL!!!
that way when the time to settle down came around, I was ready. Turns out my wife did the same thing. We won't hold the past to each other, because we know who we are, not who we were.
I found the right girl, we have the right kind of love, and holly s*** our life together is great.

But you can't force it, you have to be ready, and you can't hesitate. Make sure you get the freaky kinky s*** outta the way, cause it's a lot harder to do with a serious (mortgage and kids) kind of relationship.

 

[Thug541]

Yeah....college got the freaky part out of me. I was actually ready to go crazy my senior year...and did first half, but then I met my gf. And it just hits you...all these random girls u hook up with....are basically a moot point compared to who u have to yourself. Esp. when we do the kinky s*** anyway haha

 

[smo0f]

dude if you're still in college, don't keep a girlfriend.

 

[Rush]

But you can't force it, you have to be ready, and you can't hesitate. Make sure you get the freaky kinky s*** outta the way, cause it's a lot harder to do with a serious (mortgage and kids) kind of relationship.

(yes)