Fond childhood memories

[Kooldino]

When I was about three years old, I went shopping with my mother and my sister one day. Since I was a good sport about waiting outside of various dressing rooms all day, my mom bought me a small die cast '57 Chevy. I put it in my front pocket.

Later that afternoon, I was playing in front of my house. My then 14-year-old brother was sitting on the porch watching me. A middle-aged woman approached, and I recognized her as a friend of the family.

We said our hellos and had our smalltalk. Wanting to show off my new toy car to her...

Me: I've got something to show you
Her: Oh? What would that be?
Me: (digging around in my pocket) It's a surprise!

I then proceeded to dig around in my pockets for the next moment, furiously searching for my new toy car. I checked my front pockets, my back pockets, and finally down my pants (I have no idea why I looked there).

Not wanting to disappoint and have nothing to show her, I decided to improvise and whip out my penis.

I'll never forget the look on her face, or the look my brother gave me when I turned around. Thank God he didn't tell dad.

The kicker was that I found the toy car in my front pocket the moment she walked away.

Thus began my fetish for showing girls my penis.

FOCUS: Post a funny/ridiculous story of something you did as a young child.

 

[winty87]

wow. thats an awesome story. My first memory was at my old house repainting the garage door with my dad when i was 3-4 yrs old. and i was thirsty so i picked up his beer and took some swigs

 

[BradC]

(lol) Thats f'in hilarious... (D'oh, i got treed!)


Speaking of beer. My dad's friend used to drink bad beer and one time we were there and he gave my dad a beer, i looked at the can of Old Mil and said "eww...skunky beer". I was like 4, and heard my dad say it before. Funny s***.

 

[GrandBelialKey]

2 church stories
when i was 4 my sister and i were in line for communion, we were right behind this old dude.... he turned to me and ask me my name - I said "arlin" he said "olan?" - I said "arlin" - he said "arvid?" - I said "arlin" - he said "marvin?" - so I turned to my sister and said "can you please tell this deaf fool my name"

and when I was a kid i was at my gramps funeral in this huge catholic church....
this preist was throwing the holy water all over the casket...
a drop hit me right in the eye, it burned so bad I was convinced I was evil or something... I almost started screaming...

 

[kipper88]

Silly me...i just built jumps for my big wheel until my mom found out about it. I wish i still had my old dukes of hazards big wheel.

 

[Iggy]

I have one from the zoo...
I was at the zoo with my aunt, uncle and two of my cousins. We really wanted to see the tigers so we made my aunt and uncle take us there first. Well, apparently alot of people wanted to see the tigers because when we got there, there was almost no room for us to stand right on next to the safety rail. My uncle found us a spot where we could see really well and we were really close to the cage.

After a minute or two, the tigers walk over to where we are standing and we get really excited. Little do we know what the tiger had in store for us. The tiger walked up, and all of a sudden started pissing right on my uncle, near the top of his chest.

So what does my uncle do being the very smart man that he is? He picks up his daughter (the younger of his two children) and uses her as a human shield to protect him from the tiger piss.

Oh i love my family.

 

[cbcbd]

Story also about my junk... but about keeping it in my pants:

When I was in kindergarten I decided one day that underwear was pointless. So that day I went without.

Well... that day my pants decided to form the biggest freakin' hole in them, right at my crotch. Most of the time in our classes we would spend sitting around in a circle "indian style", so I was vulnerable the whole time and a few times my dick would pop out and I'd have to put it back in.

It was traumatic and I was crying during lunch and the teachers were coming over to ask me what was wrong and I couldn't tell them.

So, kids, wear your underwear or you might have your wang hanging out when you don't want it to.

 

[peepsalot]

I went on a trip to china with my parents when I was 2. We were eating at a fancy restaraunt, and as my parents tell the story, there was even some respectable chinese govt. official there(can't remember his title). Well, being bored waiting for food and a 2 year old kid, I decide the best place for my chopsticks would be my two nostrils. I shove them up there and look around the room with a grin on my face. My parents get embarassed and the chinese people laugh their asses off and I soak up the attention.

Another restaraunt story. Went to a nice french place, I must have been around 10 or 12 at the time. I see escargot on the menu and ask what that is. My parents tell me (snail) and my eyes brighten. "Yeah, I want that!" My parents, slightly little bewildered by my enthusiasm tell me that if I get it I have to finish my whole meal. I agree, knowing it won't be difficult at all to finish the meal. Later the plate arrives and I stare at it in disgust, thinking "WTF"(or whatever equivalent phrase a kid at that age would think). What I wasn't told, or failed to realize, was that these snails are completely different from the ones my mother would make from leftover pie crust, rolling up cinnamon and sugar and butter into neat rolls and cutting into snail shaped slices. I never took a single bite of that meal.

Interestingly, I did have escargot for the first time just this past weekend. It was fairly good, but really didn't seem to taste like much other than the butter(and pesto or something) sauce that it came with.

A recipe for my favorite kind of "escargot" (made from leftover piecrust):
Cinnamon Snails: Roll dough into an oblong about 1/8 inch thick. Sprinkle with a mixture of 3 parts sugar and 1 part cinnamon. Roll tightly like a jelly roll and cut 1" slices. Place snails on a cookie sheet, cut side up, and bake in a preheated hot, 425 F, oven about 10 minutes, or until browned.

 

[rx7mazda]

When my sister was 6 years old, I was a couple years younger, and we were at a dinner party with my parent's friends. Well after dinner, all the adults went to the other room to talk and left all the food and drinks on the table. My sister was thirsty and drank the little bit of wine that was left in each of the cups (prolly around 10-15 cups). When we were leaving, we looked for my sister and she had passed out on the couch. They tried walking her to the car but she couldnt walk straight. They found out what she had done after they smelled her breath.

 

[borkap]

When I was like 7 I was at the park during a heavy snow. They had closed the bathrooms and I had to do number 2. Of course being a kid and having fun I held it as long as I could and then made the half mile trek home.

I got to the alley behind my house when the damn broke. My turtle escaped.....

I walked in and my dad said "Boy, did you s*** yourself?" Like any 7 year old I denied it, and started to walk off.

I felt dads hand grab the back of my snow suit and then he kicked me in the ass. The dookie splattered inside my pants and I started to cry.

Dad being the ever concerned parent he was, proceeded to fall to the floor laughing.

I still owe him for that one.

 

[Pro5Monkey]

When I was about 8, I used to drag the garden hose around to the front yard, turn it on and lock the nozzle in the on position and place it between my legs from behind. I'd hold it with one hand with it spraying up and out, (piss) and wave to all the cars going by. The neighbors loved me.

 

[MazKid]

When my brother and I were younger we use to ride "Radio Flyers"(wagons) down the hill from our house...it was great fun, then we started trying to imitate COPS with pit manuvers and cutting eachother off. We broke the handle off one of them, flat spotted the tires on them, and got road rash in the process.

Let's see other fond memories...
Burning hotwheels/model cars in the sand box with a can of WD-40.
WD-40ing my wheels on my Roadmaster bike, then riding down the hill, hitting the brakes, and having both wheels eventually lock up and almost flipping forward.
Riding my Roadmaster down a grass meadow a block from here, hitting a ditch at the bottom of the hill at about 25mph(or so the analog speedometer I had said), flipping forward, landing on my back, and having the bike land with that big speedo right on my chest.
Having my dad pick me and my brother up from Sunday school in his '82 Maxima 5 speed and drifting off of the parking lot(also something that sticks with me was going flat out in 4th in the car to the redline...)
Me and my brother both crammed in the passenger seat of the '84 RX-7 GSL-SE.
My first ride in an FD with my dad.
Drifting in my mom's '80 Corolla in the snow(my dad driving).
Hitting this hill in our '76? Ford LTD wagon(it was a "gift"(unwanted) from my grandparents) and lifting off the seat on the way to preschool.
Driving past un-finished overpasses(like the 270-40 interchange for the St. Louis people) and pointing out "That's the road to nowhere"(like the Ozzy song).
Riding on the back of my dad's '85 Ninja flying down the subdivision.
Riding on my dad's MK8 racing gokart, then watching my brother do donuts in it on the yard.


Hmm there's a lot. Guess I had an interesting childhood...

 

[txrxs]

I can't remember how old i was but i still had my baby teeth. As a child I was always building things in my aunts basement. This one instance i found some duct tape and decided to use that for my "project." The main problem is i couldn't tear it. Then i remembered how my aunt did it. She used her teeth to tear it. Next i put the tape in my mouth and bite down hard. I then pull as hard as possible away from my face with the roll. Yank, I look down at the tape and see both my front teeth stuck to the tape. At this point blood is gushing out of my mouth and i'm crying. I run upstairs holding the tape in one hand and covering my bloody mouth with the other. I can still remember her face when she saw me. It was a total WTF face until she realized what happend and then couldn't stop laughing. What really tops this story off, was that my mom was getting remarried a week later. I was looking pretty for camera.

 

[peepsalot]

I can't remember how old i was but i still had my baby teeth. As a child I was always building things in my aunts basement. This one instance i found some duct tape and decided to use that for my "project." The main problem is i couldn't tear it. Then i remembered how my aunt did it. She used her teeth to tear it. Next i put the tape in my mouth and bite down hard. I then pull as hard as possible away from my face with the roll. Yank, I look down at the tape and see both my front teeth stuck to the tape. At this point blood is gushing out of my mouth and i'm crying. I run upstairs holding the tape in one hand and covering my bloody mouth with the other. I can still remember her face when she saw me. It was a total WTF face until she realized what happend and then couldn't stop laughing. What really tops this story off, was that my mom was getting remarried a week later. I was looking pretty for camera.

Haha, nice. Reminds me of one time I was eating a bowl of honey bunches of oats with almonds. I came across one particularly hard almond that I couldn't crunch for the life of me. I spit it out and realize it is one of my teeth. (pow)

 

[hazeXban]

When I was like 4 years old my family had a small house with one bathroom. For some reason whenever I had to pee and someone was in the bathroom instead of holding it I just peed behind my dresser in my room. Fast forward a year and a half later my parents bought a new house. We showed the house we were moving from , sold it and when we were moving my parents moved my dresser. What they found was a completely rusted through baseboard heater. They had no idea WTF happened until I told them. 21 years later this story is still brought up at Thanksgiving dinners.

 

[kipper88]

I remember when I was getting good at the jumps on my big wheel I thought it would be cool to jump my sisters cabbage patch doll. Unfortunately I overestimated my skills and I landed on it with the back tires and scratched the head up. My sister cried to my parents and my got so fed up w/ my who cares attitude he started whipping me with the doll.a yes, fond memories.Know that I think about it I bet I could jump it in my car if I round the right hill, hmm.. (thumb)

 

[MazKid]

When I was like 4 years old my family had a small house with one bathroom. For some reason whenever I had to pee and someone was in the bathroom instead of holding it I just peed behind my dresser in my room. Fast forward a year and a half later my parents bought a new house. We showed the house we were moving from , sold it and when we were moving my parents moved my dresser. What they found was a completely rusted through baseboard heater. They had no idea WTF happened until I told them. 21 years later this story is still brought up at Thanksgiving dinners.

Your parents never smelled piss in your room? That's gross...I can understand pissing in someone else's room, but you never piss in your own quarters.

 

[MSPRO]

I remember when I was getting good at the jumps on my big wheel I thought it would be cool to jump my sisters cabbage patch doll. Unfortunately I overestimated my skills and I landed on it with the back tires and scratched the head up.

Hahaha kinda along the same lines as this. I had a big wheel myself and I had my doll in the back, well I would ride my bike around the driveway about as much as I drive my car now. A lot ..One day I messed up I guess and when it was time to put the bike up and go inside, I grabbed my doll and the end of her foot was ground off from the pavement. It was just a hollow leg and I was mortified. I still have the doll and the big wheel at my moms house lol .

Oh yeah one of those stories that is always brought up when my family gets together is how in kindergarten on picture day my mom put me in some cute outfit fit for the weather. I remind you it was probably 80* outside and I was mad that I couldn't wear my cute little black velvet skirt and blouse outfit thingy lol. Well I don't really remember planning this or doing it but I guess I put the black velvet outfit in my backpack, changed clothes at school for the pics, changed back, and then stashed the clothes as I got home. When my mom got my kindergarten pics and I was wearing the black velvet outfit she was like WTF and I cant live it down lol

 

[hazeXban]

Your parents never smelled piss in your room? That's gross...I can understand pissing in someone else's room, but you never piss in your own quarters.

I prolly in a year and a halfs time pissed there 10 times or less. Plus I was 4, how much piss could I have had in me haha.

No one ever smelt a thing.

 

[hazeXban]

Also another funny story of mine:

Was in school in 3rd grade our teacher was talking to us about alcohol and parenting for some reason. Being the idiot that I am, I raised my hand like it was a good thing and told the class my dad drank beer everynight (A SINGLE glass of beer with his dinner, sometimes, I guess I was trying to show off haha). So one day my parents get a call from the PTA asking to schedule an intervention to help stop my dad from being an alcoholic. Needless to say my parents had no idea where the hell this came from till the teacher told them what I said. Boy did that get me into alot of trouble haha.