Dating your best-friend's EX...

[Wes]

Looking to get opinion from the masses. This is all hypothetical of course (glare) ... so I've taken names and gender out.

SITUATION:
Your best friend of ten years and counting had a relationship with a person for about 4 years. They broke up a couple years ago, but still remain friends and are both in your "circle" of friends. Now, you and your best-friend's ex have been spending some time together, and well, come to find you're extremely attracted to each other.

PROBLEM:
The person you are now attracted to dumped your best friend. They still hang out quite a bit (notably with other common friends you all share). They still "love" each other, though not "In Love" for lack of a better terminology. Any talk of this person seeing ANYONE really sets your best friend on edge. Your best friend has shared feelings and thoughts about "the ex" with you, things that may shake trust if you and "the ex" are found to be spending time together. Your best friend has no idea that you even see "the ex" without his/her knowing or being there.

Opinions:
Are you on the steady path to destroy your best-friendship by dating someone he/she may still be in love with?
Will sneaking around behind your best-friends back ultimately make matters worse?
Should you and "the ex" just agree to remain friends and leave it at that?

Any opinions?

 

[MP3Architect]

man talk about an interesting situation. i really hate not being honest with people. ive learned from personal experiences to be up front as soona s possible cuz ive been bit in the ass plenty of times. it all depends on just how much you like this chick. if your not sure yet maybe seeing her as friends from time to time a little more until you know might not be a bad idea. if you REALLY want her and think its worth losing your friend over it....we'll i would go for it but im selfish. if you just like her just as much as any other girl....dont think it would be worth losing a damn good friend. if i was that friend and found out you were getting with my ex who i still cared for (i have some of those so i know the feelings) then i would either kill you or never see you again. but thats just all my little opinion...good luck!

 

[-pixy-]

Talk to your friend, be honest, tell him your interested. If the friend knows him & his ex aren't going to get back together, he should give you the go-ahead. If he has feelings and wants to work things out, back up and give some space, let him work things out. If its really ment to happen it will. Hopefully your bestfriend understands and gives you his blessing.

 

[BoOsTiN]

Dont do it man!!

 

[ProtoType5]

Bros before Hoes....Good friends are hard to find and chicks come a dime a dozen....

 

[Captain KRM P5]

honesty is the best policy, period

 

[jersey_emt]

Talk to your friend, be honest, tell him your interested. If the friend knows him & his ex aren't going to get back together, he should give you the go-ahead. If he has feelings and wants to work things out, back up and give some space, let him work things out. If its really ment to happen it will. Hopefully your bestfriend understands and gives you his blessing.

Pretty much exactly what I was going to say. This is good advice.

 

[Skywlkr]

Be honest and see what your friend says. Trust me from experience do not sneak behind his back and if he has a problem with you two then drop it. If you have been friends for 10 years its not worth losing it.

 

[DE31]

Talk to your friend, be honest, tell him your interested. If the friend knows him & his ex aren't going to get back together, he should give you the go-ahead. If he has feelings and wants to work things out, back up and give some space, let him work things out. If its really ment to happen it will. Hopefully your bestfriend understands and gives you his blessing.

i completely agree... talk to him and see how he feels, one way or another he's going to find out, better you than someone spreading rumors.

 

[RacerXGirl]

I'd talk to him about it for sure, but this is a very tricky and difficult situation to navigate without damaging the friendship. If you don't think there's serious long term potential with this chicky, then I'd let it go by - your friendship with your friend is important and it sounds like he still has feelings for her outside of the "just friends, love but not in love" range.

 

[yashart@work]

I say No. My best friend is like a brother to me... There is no way I could ever date his girlfriend if they were to ever seperate. I think its just one of those things you have to stay away from. If it were an aquantance or buddy of your's, then sure, why not. But someone that is truely your best friend, someone that you consider family, It just seems wrong to me.

Regardless of whether or not they are goign to get back together, they still have history. He is your best friend, so im sure you know whether or not he is upset about the break-up or not. Even if he is 100% A-ok about the 2 of them going their seperate ways, I just dont think It's a line one should cross. It can seriously affect your new relationship, and the relationship with your best friend. There are plenty of Fish in the sea. Keep realin' em in till you find the perfect catch.

EDIT: After re-reading your post, I say a NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! in your situation.

 

[RacerXGirl]

I say No. My best friend is like a brother to me... There is no way I could ever date his girlfriend if they were to ever seperate. I think its just one of those things you have to stay away from. If it were an aquantance or buddy of your's, then sure, why not. But someone that is truely your best friend, someone that you consider family, It just seems wrong to me.

Regardless of whether or not they are goign to get back together, they still have history. He is your best friend, so im sure you know whether or not he is upset about the break-up or not. Even if he is 100% A-ok about the 2 of them going their seperate ways, I just dont think It's a line one should cross. It can seriously affect your new relationship, and the relationship with your best friend. There are plenty of Fish in the sea. Keep realin' em in till you find the perfect catch.

well put sir!

 

[Black_Protege_5]

Hey Wes are you sure this is just hypothetical???

But yea this is a hard situation. But being a Best Friend I would say no. Don't do it because it will just make things awkward when everyone is together. Now if this was just a friend in the group then go for it but still be honest. It's never good to go behind ppl's backs. But that is just IMO.

 

[thaikim]

I would say no, simply because why would you want to involve yourself with a girl with that much drama right off the bat. Regardless if your friend gives you his "blessing" there is gonna be issues and confrontations that would arrise simply because she used to be his. It's definitely not worth losing a friend of that magnitude over a girl, although I see girls do this all the time without even blinking an eye.

However maybe if you do get with this girl then it'll give you and your boy something to talk about over a couple beers:
"Hey did she ever do that freaky thing in bed with you?"
"Yea the one where she would rub you down with cool whip, then make you put on buttless chaps and ride you around the room?"
"No what the hell are you talking about?"
"Oh, nevermind I guess it was just me"

 

[jbiird317]

you def gotta be honest with ur friend, cuz it will get ugly if you dont.

I know taht if my best friend made a move on my ex, i would kick his ass in a heartbeat. He has told me that he likes her, but knows that given the chance, I would try and get back together with her. (only been 6 months since we broke up, so wounds are still kinda fresh) I told him that if he still felt the same way after its been a year he could try and hang out with her, but shes found someone else already anyway so it was a moot point.

long story short, he was honest with me before he did anything, so he saved me the trouble of kicking his ass and finding a new best friend. I suggest u do the same

 

[ZoomZoomH]

you talk to him STRAIGHT UP, asking if it is OK for you 2 to go out. More often than not, assuming the guy isn't the jealous type, he'll accept and actually wish you guys luck. It's when you LIE to him and do things behind his back, that's when you break his trust and you WILL lose your friend if you do that.

talk to him, see what he says.

 

[ZoomZoomH]

actually, re-reading your post, your friend DOES sound like the extreme jealous type, or that he's been burned too deep by her. in that case, IF YOU VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM, STAY AWAY FROM THE GIRL.

 

[Hughes412]

Looking to get opinion from the masses. This is all hypothetical of course (glare) ... so I've taken names and gender out.

SITUATION:
Your best friend of ten years and counting had a relationship with a person for about 4 years. They broke up a couple years ago, but still remain friends and are both in your "circle" of friends. Now, you and your best-friend's ex have been spending some time together, and well, come to find you're extremely attracted to each other.

PROBLEM:
The person you are now attracted to dumped your best friend. They still hang out quite a bit (notably with other common friends you all share). They still "love" each other, though not "In Love" for lack of a better terminology. Any talk of this person seeing ANYONE really sets your best friend on edge. Your best friend has shared feelings and thoughts about "the ex" with you, things that may shake trust if you and "the ex" are found to be spending time together. Your best friend has no idea that you even see "the ex" without his/her knowing or being there.

Opinions:
Are you on the steady path to destroy your best-friendship by dating someone he/she may still be in love with?
Will sneaking around behind your best-friends back ultimately make matters worse?
Should you and "the ex" just agree to remain friends and leave it at that?

Any opinions?

Well up I was going to say it's ok up until the part where he gets upset when another guy comes in play. She dumped him, and it's obvious that he is still in love or has very deep feelings for her. Now you I mean the best friend for 10 yrs know this. If you (hypothetically speaking) see this girl behind his back you really are no longer his best friend any ways and should tell him up front. That way he isn't blind-sided by some one he thought was his best friend.

And just to make sure, if you do this you most likely will lose your best friend of 10+ yrs. Now you have to ask your self. With over 50% of all marriages failing, do you see this girl as the one? And do you think you can beat the odds that over half of the people that tired failed at? And is she worth your friendship?

Take it from me, I've been there, done that, and lost both the friend and after 5 yrs lost the woman too. But I did get to keep the kid! So at least something good happened.

 

[Boosted03MSP]

I say get her pregnant. Then you would really have some s*** to deal with. LOL. J/k

Tell your friend. My ex dates one of my friends. No big deal, I am just gla dhe was honest with me. If their happy good for them, everyone deserves a shot at happiness

 

[jred321]

take a note from scarface. if manny had just told tony he was dating his sister, tony probably wouldn't have killed him. instead he went sneaking around behind his back and bam, shot to the gut. talk to your friend about it, see what he thinks