Dear Mayor Rendell,
Wuddup Wuddup, G? Alright, check it dawg, here's my story. I was street racing some spoiled ****** in a BMW who thought he was hot s*** cause his daddy be making the green and s***. What he didn't realize was that I own a turbo'd car and I know people and I will street race any mother ****** who wanted some. NO FEAR, you know what I'm saying dawg? WOOT!
Well, anyway, dawg, I need a favor. I don't know if you remember me, but Pops and you were like tight back in the day. You guys were like brothers or cousins and s***. He told me I can come to you whenever I act like a complete fucktard and you'll bail my ass out, cause you got ******* power and s***. Some of your homeboys were hiding in some bushes and ambushed me when i was racing ******* rich boy. They had the nerve to ******* write me $700 in tickets. I kept calling them assholes and fuckers cause they were making me mad, and the more I called them on it, the more they wrote me up. I mean, what the ****, this isn't ******* elementary school! This is the EEEEAST SIIIIDE! Yeah, but I'd appreciate it if you can fire those fuckers. They pissed me off.
Oh before you fire them, can you tell them they ****** with the wrong guy? I need you to fire their asses before my court date comes up so my record isn't all ****** up. I know you're busy and s***, but dawg, this s*** shouldn't be a problem for you. Just fire those fuckers on the grounds of doing their jobs. Fuckem.
Tell the old lady I said what's up b****, and I miss her ******* brussel sprouts. That s*** was good. I can still see her in my mind's eye telling me to eat my veggies and s***. Ah s***, Pops is calling me, so I gotta bounce, dawg. If you can not tell him I've been a punkass b****, I'd greatly appreciate it. Holla at ya lataz and s***. Thanks in advance and s***, I'll hit you up when you come round the way or some s***. Maybe we can go to the ice cream store, it'll be my treat. s***, gotta keep it real and s***. You're helping me out, so I gotta get you something in return. Don't sweat.
Alrighty Snoop, I'm outty.
Fo Shizzle,
PHILLY-ORANGE