Cheating Spouse

[laracroft]

I just need some opinions here PLEASE. I won't go into the details, but here is my deal:

If you're significant other, specifically a spouse, was talking to someone on the phone, texting, meeting them places - before telling you he is moving out, and even though you had your share of ups and downs, did NOT see this coming, is this to be considered cheating if he alone had planned it in advance?

So if they move out and in ONE week they have someone else that they met just two weeks before leaving...(unbeknownst to you) and are now dating (all within a week) is this considered cheating on your spouse if you had just been together a week prior? Say having sex one day with you and then all of a sudden, he's gone and taking her to a hotel the next weekend and they proclaim they are a couple after that one weekend. Granted, it has happened several times before with other women saying he was trying to "get with them" too - each time taking place during the course of the marriage - again, regardless of what you were going through with the other person.

Is talking, seeing and devising a plan TO cheat while married and then doing it one week later considered cheating? And remember, this is a marriage, not casual dating or simple boyfriend. There was a family involved.

 

[evilmonkeyMSP]

So, if you 2 were still together and he was planning all this I would think that could be considered cheating. Were you all still trying to "work on it" or was it pretty much decided by then that it was over? I guess even still the fact that he had already been working on this before hand is a bit strange...

 

[SpooledupRacing]

wow... hard to distiguish this.. let me try here..

you two were together...

he met another person and planned when he left they would meet up and be together..

I dont see that being cheating.. not really the right thing to do but if there is no love left people do seek out others for a future romance so they dont end up alone..

if he was cheating before u two split then yes.. he was cheating.. but being caddy or friendly is not a crime even though it is not nice and deff not appreciated..

 

[laracroft]

wow... hard to distiguish this.. let me try here..

you two were together...

he met another person and planned when he left they would meet up and be together..

I dont see that being cheating.. not really the right thing to do but if there is no love left people do seek out others for a future romance so they dont end up alone..

if he was cheating before u two split then yes.. he was cheating.. but being caddy or friendly is not a crime even though it is not nice and deff not appreciated..

So if a girl says "at least I waited for him to move out of the house first" - that's NOT cheating? There was no legal seperation. It was one week. Hard to believe nothing happened before that.

 

[lil_red_wagon]

i would guess that there was a physical relationship since he is already moved in somewhere else. i don't consider the planning to leave cheating, i do consider the moving in with someone else right away cheating though.

 

[Reyan]

I say he was cheating, A marriage is a bond by two people for better or worst. If a particular party in the relationship feels like they are not getting anything out of the relationship then that person should be true to the other person and talk things out to find a resolution.

One don't just move out from thier parthner and move in with someone else in one week, this had to be going on for sometime.

 

[mx-p5]

While it is not physically cheating if they never hooked up, if he was thinking about or planning on what he was doing, yeah, i consider it cheating

He wasn't fully committed to you

 

[SpooledupRacing]

So if a girl says "at least I waited for him to move out of the house first" - that's NOT cheating? There was no legal seperation. It was one week. Hard to believe nothing happened before that.

I'm not the right one to talk abotu this honestly.. with my situation and all...

Im a firm believer.. if you are not cheating.. your not cheating.. seperation sux, finding a way to point the blame at somebody is easy. If the relationship was bad and going down hill for a while it is easy to find love elsewhere...

It suxs but one side always gets hurt.. one side always finds a way to move on..

If you have no proof that he was physically cheating on u before he left, you cant blame him of that..

I'm sorry I dont think any of us will be any help but I myself am going through quite the same situation, I know its nice to have somone to talk to and get info from but we are all going to look at it differently and our opinions cant sway your heart.. you have to find a way to move on for yourself and your son.. I'm sorry for the hurt u have and what u will have... good luck.

 

[laracroft]

but being caddy or friendly is not a crime even though it is not nice and deff not appreciated..

You don't have other girls call you when you're married. Or put your phone on a lock or erase AIM logs either. There's no such thing as a friendly girl you just met and talking to her endlessly while in the same house as your family while your wife doesn't know it. If you're having problems, but your still having sex with your wife telling her you love her, than what's the deal?

Thats like saying planning a murder isn't the same as actually going through with it. If you're thinking it and actively working toward being with that person, but leading someone else along, it's cheating.

 

[mx-p5]

You don't have other girls call you when you're married. Or put your phone on a lock or erase AIM logs either. There's no such thing as a friendly girl you just met and talking to her endlessly while in the same house as your family while your wife doesn't know it.

Thats like saying planning a murder isn't the same as actually going through with it. If you're thinking it and actively working toward being with that person, it's cheating.

Pretty much summed up what I said and think

If the phone is on lock, aim logs erased, and waht not, yeah, he has something to hide.

Cheating- emotionally cheating, if not physically yet

 

[SpooledupRacing]

I say he was cheating, A marriage is a bond by two people for better or worst. If a particular party in the relationship feels like they are not getting anything out of the relationship then that person should be true to the other person and talk things out to find a resolution.

One don't just move out from thier parthner and move in with someone else in one week, this had to be going on for sometime.

Unfortunatly marriages fail.. and thats the part of life.. You have to be able to understand that its not a bad thing to move on and divorce.. you have to be happy, your spouse needs to be happy and when kids are involved they need to be the ones to be safe and happy and not hear arguing etc..

I dont think what he did was right.. but I dont see him cheating..

 

[SpooledupRacing]

You don't have other girls call you when you're married. Or put your phone on a lock or erase AIM logs either. There's no such thing as a friendly girl you just met and talking to her endlessly while in the same house as your family while your wife doesn't know it. If you're having problems, but your still having sex with your wife telling her you love her, than what's the deal?

Thats like saying planning a murder isn't the same as actually going through with it. If you're thinking it and actively working toward being with that person, but leading someone else along, it's cheating.

I think that a guy can be a friend to a girl, married or not and vise versa. He obviously had something to hide, I do alot of what u said above.. I am not cheating on my wife but things have been sour for about 2 years, the end is coming and well I need people to surround myself with..

Looks like you have your answer, and you already know how u feel.. Doesnt look like u needed to make this thread.. unless u just wanted to vent.. which is ok with me...

Again I am SOOO SORRY... I know it hurts.. but it sounds like he was a dawg and u need to move on.

 

[SpooledupRacing]

Cheating- emotionally cheating, if not physically yet

I think cheating is the wrong word... Emotionaly he gave up, he was reaching out for someone else...

 

[Reyan]

Leaving one person for another dosen't solve anything, when someone seperates from another person they should give themselve time to heal and find themselve before moving on.

 

[SpooledupRacing]

Leaving one person for another dosen't solve anything, when someone seperates from another person they should give themselve time to heal and find themselve before moving on.

depends on how long he was unhappy.. if it had been some time maybe he had already moved on.

 

[SuperStretch18]

I'll try not to get into too much of the personal stuff (responded to this thread, so I fail from the start! ), but I assume this question is coming up because you are looking to file an "at fault" divorce? If so, you don't actually need photos of your spouse cheating. The fact that they moved in together suddenly should be proof enough of adultery for the courts.

If the question is just for your piece of mind, know that your spouse showed douchebaggery at its finest. When my wife and I split this year, I at least sat down with her and told her "I think we need to see other people". It's a total mind-**** to string along someone you once loved like that.

Know that you will be better off in the long run. Being single is eye-opening and you realize that you can go back to being the full "you"; not the "he-she" blend that you become when you are married (not knocking marriage, btw).

I'm actually going through this right now. Posted in another thread, but I just served my wife with papers today. I know when things first started to go downhill, I wanted to talk to someone, but opening up to family and friends can be hard. If you need someone to vent to that you don't know, please don't hesitate to shoot me a PM. It might be good for me too!

Good luck with everything...

 

[mx-p5]

I think cheating is the wrong word... Emotionaly he gave up, he was reaching out for someone else...

There is no grey area. It's either cheating or not

Be it emotional or physical


Sorry if that's harsh, but it's how i feel.

 

[SuperStretch18]

There is no grey area. It's either cheating or not

Be it emotional or physical


Sorry if that's harsh, but it's how i feel.

I agree with this...

 

[SpooledupRacing]

"I think we need to see other people". QUOTE]




I agree with everything u said but that..... I think thats a cop out by saying I no longer want to be secual with you. I want other women.. if married u should not be "messin around" with other people.. unless your a swinger lol

 

[SpooledupRacing]

There is no grey area. It's either cheating or not

Be it emotional or physical


Sorry if that's harsh, but it's how i feel.

eh I dont believe in "emotionaly cheating" I think thats just another way to blame somone else for not loving u anymore.