I need some emotional support

[mopiko]

Hi everyone, I am not happy right now at all, in fact I am feeling very depressed. Two weeks ago my girlfriend dumped me because she said I don't really pay attention to her. I love that girl and obviously I still can put that behind and move on. At first we promised to keep friends as I have known her for 7 years as friends... But now she doesn't talk to me anymore, no email replies. When I tried to call her 90% she won't pickup and the rest 9% will be "I am very busy what do you want?" and the 1% we had great phone conversation with jokes and stuff.

So this is very hard for me to take, although this is my 3rd time in the past 8 years being dumped by a girl. (Something is wrong with me.) Now I can't even put my 100% to my work, my boss even noticed it though she hasn't gave me a hard time, last Sunday was my birthday and several coworkers (my boss and her manager, and the owner) all chipped in and bought me flowers (ok I'm a guy why flowers) so I got good people at work at least. But that didn't help much and I just can't seem to put my ex behind and move on.

For those who is curious I am 25 years old now, not one of those puppy love I'm longing after, so this is devastating. I was thinking about attenting a meet JerseyEMT set up in the area but I didn't go because I was depressed to a point I would've drove my car to a tree...

I'd never figure this relationship would turn sour like this so quick, no warning, just one night she called and wanted to break up.... sigh....:'(

Any of you have some constructive suggestions? I am just venting... I'm not angry at her, but I'm very depress right now, I figure people here can give me some encouragement. Thanks for reading my story.

 

[Turbo Matty P]

All I can say is this," If it was meant to be it would've been." Thats not going to make you feel better now, but you'll understand it later when things are looking up. I've lost a couple of girls that I thought were "the ones". I was upset for a few weeks, then I got to thinking "Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?". I'll just be myself and someone will like me for me. then I met my wife.....

Just tough it out. times like these make you appreciate what you have when you finally settle down with the "right one".

 

[Swerny]

Sorry to hear about the rough times you're going through.
IMO, you should talk to your family doctor. If not, is there some kind of counselling help through your work ? Lot's of companies have them.
Good luck man, keep your chin up.

 

[GerardPRO5]

three times in eight years to be dumped? how about three times in eight days...by the same girl!

see?

put it this way...someone always has it worse off than you, so it can't be all that bad.

at least you have:

-your health
-your job
-your car
-your roof over your head (assumption made here)


think of this...somewhere in this world, there's an unemployed one-legged midget hermaphrodite who just got dumped by his/her boy/girlfriend.

and his house burned down.
and he can't drive stick.
and he never learned how to read.

see? your life just turned exponentially better!

 

[mopiko]

GerardPRO5: and he can't drive stick.

I like this one.... a lot.

I do understand that, most of the time I've been trying to think positively to the same direction, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I agree with Turbo Matty P though, even though right now the hardest part is letting go.

I've talked to my church's pastor one time, and I felt better afterwards, but whenever I'm alone, not much to do at work sometimes, I'd be happy at times when I'm busy at work, running around and stuff, but time alone in my apartment is the worst. For the past 2 weeks I couldn't sleep well, most of the time I would wake up at 5 or 6am because of a nightmare with her in it. And I've lost at least 5 lbs. over these 2 weeks, I'm sicky the way I look, now I look like some illegal immagrant from China fresh off the boat being straved for a month.

My parents has been calling more frequently, but there is so much that they can do cuz they live in the other side of the earth, Hong Kong with 13 hours time difference. So just got to chuck it up and ride through the rough waves.

 

[mcstark]

Mop...I can't post much now cuz I'm at work...check back later. I've got some good stuff for you - totally legal too!

OK...screw work....I know exactly where you're coming from, and trust us it gets better. I'm 31 now, married with a son. BUT, in college I didn't date anyone. I was the "nice guy" that all the girls liked and we shocked that I didn't have a girlfriend. But they would never date me...for whatever reason. I got to the point where I said "F@ck everyone," because the girls seem to like the a$$holes. That pissed my friends off, and a few other things changed my perspective.

Number one...I was introduced to Leo Buscaglia in a philosophy class my Junior year. Buy this book and read it, "Loving Each Other: The Challenge of Human Relationships." It's not a faggy (no offense), mushy book...he talks about learning to love and revel in yourself. That allows you to completely give yourself to someone else. This may not sound like it applies to you, but trust me...it will. It's a great book that helps you heal and realize your own worth. He's a great philosopher....

Number two...while reading this book, I developed the attitude mentioned above: be happy with yourself, and someone will find you. I dated a few (very few) girls after college, always wanting them to be the one -- slow learner, huh? The first was too young, the second was too involved with school...so I kept looking, and hanging out with my friends -- a great group of friends really helps. Well, one night before I was going out of town for a week, I went to a co-worker's birthday party. It was late -- we were leaving early in the morning -- but I promised her I would come to her party. While I was there I saw a beautiful blonde walk by and asked my friend about her. She told me the essentials (i.e. she was available), and then I did something completely out of character for me -- I sat down next to her and started a conversation. To make a long story short...that was six years ago, and we've been married for two years.

I know it hurts now...that's how you know your heart was in this relationship, but she probably wanted to break up for a while -- nobody wakes up and says "Today I'm going to dump him...." So, would you rather it happen now, or end up getting married and divorced years down the road? Now is better.

It's ok to feel depressed, but don't shut down. Focus your energy on your friends - if you don't have too many, then maybe make some friends at work -- it sounds like you work with some nice people. Make yourself eat healthy...and after a while, your attitude will come around. You're not as alone as you think.

Take care of yourself!

 

[gman_P5]

Hey man !!! Be objective, this one was not for you and and probably she just made an excuse to finish the relationship.

Probably she has something else on her mind and didn't want to sound rude or hurt you, but belive me I've been there !!!

Just keep your mind busy .... "If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger".

Make the best of it, concentrate at work (even spend more time at work) and start doing all the things that you like but didn't do becuse of she, you will find that is not as bad as it seems.

 

[Turbo Matty P]

dude......was she hot?

no j/k! Seriously though, gotta let it go. The best way to get a girl back is to act like you didn't know they were gone. if she sees you out and about having a good time she'll wonder what you're up to and try to get close again....and if she doesn't? so what! you're still out making the rounds.

it sounds like though you're going to have a tough time picking up ladies if you look like you were starved on the boat ride over! get out, get some sun and spend money that you don't have. It works for chicks!

 

[MotegiMazdA]

I know how you are feeling and it definately sucks. But there is only so low you can go and from there its all up. Try not to look at it in that there is something wrong with you, there isnt. As far as a relationship goes you are 25 and have the rest of your life to live. I have learned that you find someone when you arent looking.
As far as she goes. She probably feels like you are a burden to you and shes moved on. You should to. Dont look to her for comfort shes not going to be there for it. Find comfort in the things that you know are there for you.
You'll get through it, like I said I know exactly how you feel and it does suck but you are going to get through it.

 

[laracroft]

I've felt that bad once or twice. It's hard, I know it is. Can't think straight, can't eat, the little tasks seem so hard...etc. You have to dive into a hobbie. Your car for instance. Buy some parts and go to town on that bad boy. You've got to occupy your mind when your hearts the one thats hurting. You gotta meet someone new asap. It helps you focus on someone else to swoon over and think less of HER.

 

[2K3 MSP]

The only thing I'm gonna add is, DON'T BUG HER!!! The worst thing you could do is keep calling her and emailing her. Once is enough. She will call you when she is ready. Keep in mind, if there are emotions involved, you've got to give her time to get her mind straightened out first. She will call you when she is ready. If she doesn't, then let her go and find someone better

 

[mopiko]

MotegiMazdA: I think I've found a place where I can get some comfort... here. I'm so glad I posted it here since I never expected a lot of good stuff you guys have in your mind.

mcstark: I will be waiting for your good stuff.

Turbo Matty P: She might not be the hottest in the block, but definitely somebody that it very pretty in my eyes, not just external looks, but also internal heart. I've known her for years, before we started dating there were more than 4 guys trying to date her but she refused them all. Kinda sucks for me in a sense because I got to a point of dating, then got dumped. Worst then I didn't get her in the first place. But things happened for a reason I suppose.

gman_P5: easy to say, hard to do, but I am doing it, I got new roomates too, they have been checking on me whenever I disappear at night, most of the time I'm just out driving around, meeting up with some old friends if I can and try to enjoy myself.

 

[mopiko]

laracroft: Girls always knows how to hit that emotion button, make me feel like a 1st grade kid and it's so true.

2K3 Mazdaspeed: I've stopped bugging her, I agree with you about that, I still have hope at times, not as strong and I'm trying to open my mind up, maybe I can find my ultimate one when I keep my mind open.

But I definitely need to get my eating habbit back to normal asap, I'm 6 foot tall and I only weight 132lbs. now, not healthy at all.

This is great, I feel like I've just walked into a couseling room with a bunch of relationship expert.

 

[GerardPRO5]

even if she's hot...you know that someone...somewhere...is TIRED of her sh*t!



for example, Jessica Simpson.

as hot as she is, she's dumb and empty...kinda like drinking a gallon of drano - sure it fills you up, but it leaves you feeling empty inside.

 

[mcstark]

Mopki -- check my post above...I editted it. Take care man!

 

[mopiko]

You know if I have the money right now I would buy you all airplane tickets to Haiiwai and treat you all a nice vacation.....


oh and yes, stop making me cry in front of my coworkers.... I'm weak about this....

(p.s.: okay I think someone is going to kick my ass since I'm a guy crying for silly things like this....)

 

[1sty]

IF it helps, realize she did you a favor!

Being in a relationship with a women that demands a set of level of attention is more painful in the long run then what you are going through now. When your with the right girl you won't have to think about spending time together, it will just happen.

Now its also possible this was a HUGE BS excuse. Certainly its been known to happen. The best thing to do is not think about why she broke up with you, id doesn't matter in any way. She has her own set of prirorites and emotional needs and so do you. Those didn't match up and that is the simple truth. Its not a big deal just a bad match.

Now for the good news
I am 22 and have been in a relationship for longer then you knew your girlfriend. Now, this is a great situation becuase I can live vicariously through you!!! See how great this is .

Sorry just trying to make you laugh

 

[Sain't]

Mopiko - we've all been there. The best advice I can give you is not to dwell on it. Don't let it get to you.

Hey, while you're not eating, get some situps in. As soon as you get fat on your stomach your abs will be GONE. Grow some abs. Use them to your advantage. Seriously though... 2 years down the road when you see your ex with her new fiance and you walk by looking like Brad Pitt in Fight Club, it will be all worthwhile.

 

[richelesro]

Life has a way of throwing you curve balls, doesn't it?

Last year I was with a woman that I was completely in love with; I was just at the point of looking for a ring. We went to Santa Barbara for the weekend to visit a friend of mine and she didn't seem to be doing well; she said she was sick. On the way back we stopped off, did some shopping, had a great dinner in Westwood, and then came home. She came in, sat down, and started with "the speech". Where did that come from?

Anyway, I was crushed. Severely. My greatest desire at the time was to take my car and run it into a post at 140. I spent hours at work bawling; luckily I had my own office.

Afterwards I shut down. I wouldn't talk to anyone, do anything. Sleep didn't exist, and neither did food. I lost about 30 lbs in a few weeks and kept dropping. (When I get depressed my appetite goes negative.) Another side effect of depression for me is extreme agitation: everytime I sat down I had to get up and do something physical. I was working out 3 to 5 times a day. Complete wreck.

Finally, I started forcing myself to go out. I continued yoga, which actually really helped. I wouldn't let myself stay home anymore and kept going out for no other reason than to go out. During that period I "dated" a couple women that I shouldn't have, but that's not unusual. By the end of the year I had met someone that I was with for a few months, but I still wasn't ready.

Since about May this year things have been better. I've seen women that I've enjoyed being with.

Of course, life always finds you a curve. I met someone else who grabbed my heart again. I think of her eyes and want to melt. But that hasn't worked out either, so I have to keep looking, or just decide it's not for me.

Keep your head up and hit the gym to force energy and movement through the system. Time is the only thing that helps.

 

[Matthew]

kick her ass, women suck!