there may not be a nice way out of this,but a clean one. tell her you don't want to live together with her and that she has to leave. but at the same time (knowing that her situation is BAD with an unstable job and a kid) HELP her getting on her own feet,maybe by helping her to find a small flat or anything like that.... but do it!
Get rid of a girlfriend that lives with you?
- Thread starter ForceFed
- Start date
A
AGR
Re: Re: Listen,,and listen good.
Well okay. It's good to be King of something, I suppose.
MarkSpark said:
Well okay. It's good to be King of something, I suppose.
*LONG SIGHHHHH...*
Ok guy's this is really getting to me today,and yesterday I thought it was bad.This really sucks!It is getting bad enough that it is affecting every part of my daily life.My job,friends,car ,and various other projects that i'm working on.All I do is think about how to go about this and it's really making me a scatterbrains!It is really breaking me down mentally.I can't remember the last time that I felt that life was this hard?
I am getting to the point that I really don't want to do anything.It all just seems too overwhelming!
Matt
Ok guy's this is really getting to me today,and yesterday I thought it was bad.This really sucks!It is getting bad enough that it is affecting every part of my daily life.My job,friends,car ,and various other projects that i'm working on.All I do is think about how to go about this and it's really making me a scatterbrains!It is really breaking me down mentally.I can't remember the last time that I felt that life was this hard?
I am getting to the point that I really don't want to do anything.It all just seems too overwhelming!
Matt
It feels as if I am losing all control of my life!
This is not like me either?
I have always been the guy with all the answers,the leader.
I have never been the one to follow,it's not in my nature.
So why is this tearing me apart?
Matt:'(
This is not like me either?
I have always been the guy with all the answers,the leader.
I have never been the one to follow,it's not in my nature.
So why is this tearing me apart?
Matt:'(
A
AGR
Re: *LONG SIGHHHHH...*
Matt: Doing nothing is not a good idea. I assure you.
ForceFed said:Ok guy's this is really getting to me today,and yesterday I thought it was bad.This really sucks!It is getting bad enough that it is affecting every part of my daily life.My job,friends,car ,and various other projects that i'm working on.All I do is think about how to go about this and it's really making me a scatterbrains!It is really breaking me down mentally.I can't remember the last time that I felt that life was this hard?
I am getting to the point that I really don't want to do anything.It all just seems too overwhelming!
Matt
Matt: Doing nothing is not a good idea. I assure you.
giving her a couple of bucks is not enough..maybe because you made her believe that she could stay with you by just letting her live with you without telling her that she will have to get out soon....
i'd rather prefer supporting her getting an own life than offering her a few bucks and kicking her out of the house...
i'd rather prefer supporting her getting an own life than offering her a few bucks and kicking her out of the house...
maybe because your conscience is bugging you...
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Force, this is what being a MAN really is. Tell her the truth and be fair about it. Don't dodge it and let it get worse. Let her know how you feel and what you are willing to do to help her transition. Just sack up and get it over with. It not fun but it's the best thing for both people in the long haul. This will only get worse if you let it continue.
boostisgood
Member
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- 1988 FC3S TII
Matt, you and I talked about this a month ago bro. You need to sit her down, and explain to her the situation. It will hurt her, but its in the best interest for you her and HER SON. The longer she lives there, the more attached he will become to you. ya gotta end this soon bro, even if she has to stay with you for another month or 2. you gotta do it now.
Ill call you later tonight too.
Ill call you later tonight too.
I don't beleive that "just kicking her out" is an option.She has had months where she could have saved up money to get her own place but has not.There is no reason for this as I pay all of the bills.
You guy's have to understand,she really has done nothing wrong here that would justify me wanting to not be with her,it's just me not seeing a future with her?Her lack of motivation and self support,the child that I truely beleive that I'm not ready to help with,and the fact that she isn't what I thought she would be.She is just being herself and I really got into this over my head ,but not ntentionally.I was merely trying to help her out of a bad situation and now in the process have put myself in a worse one.If I put her out then what I did was for nothing as she will be worse off than she was.I think that me not wanting to be with her will be worse than the fact that she doesn't have anyplace to go.And as for the nads,Yeah,I lost em on this one!
Anyone got a pair I can borrow for about a week?
Matt
You guy's have to understand,she really has done nothing wrong here that would justify me wanting to not be with her,it's just me not seeing a future with her?Her lack of motivation and self support,the child that I truely beleive that I'm not ready to help with,and the fact that she isn't what I thought she would be.She is just being herself and I really got into this over my head ,but not ntentionally.I was merely trying to help her out of a bad situation and now in the process have put myself in a worse one.If I put her out then what I did was for nothing as she will be worse off than she was.I think that me not wanting to be with her will be worse than the fact that she doesn't have anyplace to go.And as for the nads,Yeah,I lost em on this one!
Anyone got a pair I can borrow for about a week?
Matt
Why dont you just print this thread out and let her read it .... J/k
I know you are serious, but my opinion is the same as everyone elses ... SIT HER DOWN AND EXPLAIN IT TO HER ... you should not feel bad if she has over stayed her welcome. You need to do it quick because if you know that you are not going to stay with this girl, sometime down you will finally give her the boot and the child will be attached. That is not fair to the child. Tell her that you are doing this for both yourself and for the child. Shes a mother, she should understand.
I know you are serious, but my opinion is the same as everyone elses ... SIT HER DOWN AND EXPLAIN IT TO HER ... you should not feel bad if she has over stayed her welcome. You need to do it quick because if you know that you are not going to stay with this girl, sometime down you will finally give her the boot and the child will be attached. That is not fair to the child. Tell her that you are doing this for both yourself and for the child. Shes a mother, she should understand.
Okay it sounds to me like you have a major guilt trip about this. Personally, and I guess professionally, I wonder why you are guilted so much about this! Are you trully concerned about this woman or are you afraid that you will never love again? You cannot force yourself into love. It will happen again when you are ready and you sound as though you are not ready!
If you do have feelings for this woman then you will need to just explain it isn't working out. Don't go into great detail. It is pointless to be overly wordy! But also don't back down from a break-up. That will hurt you both in the end. As for her predicament, well that does complicate things, but still not enough for you to live in Hell!
If you would like to help her out then just let her know that she can stay for a little (maybe a month if that) longer. Do not feel guilty about the child. He/she is only 2! They most likely will not remember you. There are programs out there that my good tax money funds to help single young women who have children....and I doubt the program is called "live at ForceFed's"! I don't really like welfare and etc. but you are not her keeper nor her provider. She will ultimately need to get on her own two feet! Does she get child support from the father of her child? If not, then she should. The laws are more harsh today to help with getting child support. I would explain to her that you can't keep the relationship where it is at for your own sanity's sake, explain that that also includes her living with you. For if you both stay co-inhabitants then the break-up will not really seem concrete and will cause mixed signals and feelings to arise.
If you do have feelings for this woman then you will need to just explain it isn't working out. Don't go into great detail. It is pointless to be overly wordy! But also don't back down from a break-up. That will hurt you both in the end. As for her predicament, well that does complicate things, but still not enough for you to live in Hell!
If you would like to help her out then just let her know that she can stay for a little (maybe a month if that) longer. Do not feel guilty about the child. He/she is only 2! They most likely will not remember you. There are programs out there that my good tax money funds to help single young women who have children....and I doubt the program is called "live at ForceFed's"! I don't really like welfare and etc. but you are not her keeper nor her provider. She will ultimately need to get on her own two feet! Does she get child support from the father of her child? If not, then she should. The laws are more harsh today to help with getting child support. I would explain to her that you can't keep the relationship where it is at for your own sanity's sake, explain that that also includes her living with you. For if you both stay co-inhabitants then the break-up will not really seem concrete and will cause mixed signals and feelings to arise.
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- 03' Silverado, 03' P5
Alright man... I usually don't post in these types of g/f posts if I can help it, becuase I'm so bitter... but I feel my experience is related enough to help you out.
In short, I was in a 2.5 year relationship (engaged for 10 months) that went sour while we were living together in college. In the last few weeks/months it was unbearable. She was a real emotional person, prone to getting upset and crying alot... and much like you say, I was really worried about telling her anything that would hurt her feelings or upset her. Supposedly, our problems all started by one of her friends telling her that she was a "good girl", that she never did anything crazy, stuff like that. She decided this other girl was right, and starting drinking, doing dope, acting crazy, etc... All the while, I waited for either common sense to take back over, or for her to decide it was wrong on her own.
Well, one weekend, she went back to our hometown to stay with her parents... She ended up staying at my best friend's house... I'll skip the details here. The next Monday, she was real quiet, acting all depressed, so I figured she just had a bad weekend, and that she needed cheering up or something. Well, while we were out walking that night she just started crying her eyes out, telling me that I was an asshole, and she hated me for always wanting to what was right... followed by, telling me about what, and who, she did that weekend. Anyways, that's the general background for the time right before I sat down and talked with her about her leaving. Lots more happened, but I figure I'll spare myself the recollection.
Anyways, by this time, I couldn't even stand to look at her, much less talk to her. She repreatedly told me that she was wrong, she was sorry, it'd never happen again, etc... Yeah, right.
I told her straight to her face that she was a *****, and that she had to leave, no discussion, no debate, just get out, forever...
Now, three years ago, that seemed like the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life, and emotionally, it probably was. Although, it was the best thing I ever could have done, and am so glad that I did when I think back on it. I loved her enough to want to marry her, but if I had, I probably would have either killed her or me if faced with a situation like the one above again, which was more than likely bound to happen again.
At any rate, I know your situation is different in respect to your feelings for her, but I figured I'd at least offer some advice... Sit down and tell her how you feel. There's no reason for you to be upset and missing out on life, because of how she is making you feel. Like others posted above, tell her, point blank, the damned honest truth. It's the only thing that will take care of the problem in the long run.
Good luck man... If you need to talk anymore or anything, send me an email at WPA25@Allvantage.com.
In short, I was in a 2.5 year relationship (engaged for 10 months) that went sour while we were living together in college. In the last few weeks/months it was unbearable. She was a real emotional person, prone to getting upset and crying alot... and much like you say, I was really worried about telling her anything that would hurt her feelings or upset her. Supposedly, our problems all started by one of her friends telling her that she was a "good girl", that she never did anything crazy, stuff like that. She decided this other girl was right, and starting drinking, doing dope, acting crazy, etc... All the while, I waited for either common sense to take back over, or for her to decide it was wrong on her own.
Well, one weekend, she went back to our hometown to stay with her parents... She ended up staying at my best friend's house... I'll skip the details here. The next Monday, she was real quiet, acting all depressed, so I figured she just had a bad weekend, and that she needed cheering up or something. Well, while we were out walking that night she just started crying her eyes out, telling me that I was an asshole, and she hated me for always wanting to what was right... followed by, telling me about what, and who, she did that weekend. Anyways, that's the general background for the time right before I sat down and talked with her about her leaving. Lots more happened, but I figure I'll spare myself the recollection.
Anyways, by this time, I couldn't even stand to look at her, much less talk to her. She repreatedly told me that she was wrong, she was sorry, it'd never happen again, etc... Yeah, right.
I told her straight to her face that she was a *****, and that she had to leave, no discussion, no debate, just get out, forever...
Now, three years ago, that seemed like the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life, and emotionally, it probably was. Although, it was the best thing I ever could have done, and am so glad that I did when I think back on it. I loved her enough to want to marry her, but if I had, I probably would have either killed her or me if faced with a situation like the one above again, which was more than likely bound to happen again.
At any rate, I know your situation is different in respect to your feelings for her, but I figured I'd at least offer some advice... Sit down and tell her how you feel. There's no reason for you to be upset and missing out on life, because of how she is making you feel. Like others posted above, tell her, point blank, the damned honest truth. It's the only thing that will take care of the problem in the long run.
Good luck man... If you need to talk anymore or anything, send me an email at WPA25@Allvantage.com.
Ya' Know...
Cirielle,you have a very good point,but I by no means live in hell.It's nice to hear a chics point of view too!And maybe that is it,maybe I am not ready to be in love.I dunno?
fstdrvr23.your story almost makes it just not seem right that i haven't done what needs to be done.I know better and unfortunately ,I know what needs to be done.Your damn story really almost made me have a damn break down.Between evrthing i'm thinkin right now and what all of you have said,I'm ready to go home and go back to bed to see if I can start this day all over again.I know I am not ready for what may happen tonight when I get home from work.I might just lose it and tell her!I just don't want her to think it wa something she did to bring this on.She will make a GREAT girlfriend for someone ,but I am not that person.This is what makes it really hard is that she has done nothing really wrong.
Oh boy,not wanting to en-vision the rest of my day!
This may be a really long night!
Matt
BTW,I thank all you guy's and girl's for your input on this.I really do feel that this forum is more like a family than any other forum I have ever been to.
I truely feel at home here!
Matt
Cirielle,you have a very good point,but I by no means live in hell.It's nice to hear a chics point of view too!And maybe that is it,maybe I am not ready to be in love.I dunno?
fstdrvr23.your story almost makes it just not seem right that i haven't done what needs to be done.I know better and unfortunately ,I know what needs to be done.Your damn story really almost made me have a damn break down.Between evrthing i'm thinkin right now and what all of you have said,I'm ready to go home and go back to bed to see if I can start this day all over again.I know I am not ready for what may happen tonight when I get home from work.I might just lose it and tell her!I just don't want her to think it wa something she did to bring this on.She will make a GREAT girlfriend for someone ,but I am not that person.This is what makes it really hard is that she has done nothing really wrong.
Oh boy,not wanting to en-vision the rest of my day!
This may be a really long night!
Matt
BTW,I thank all you guy's and girl's for your input on this.I really do feel that this forum is more like a family than any other forum I have ever been to.
I truely feel at home here!
Matt
matt.. drink heavily.. vomit on her and call her another womans name.. then run around the house wearing a pair of her panties while clucking like a chicken.. drink more.. pass out while sucking your thumb in the midcle of the hallway. -=)
if that dont make her leave.. nothing will
if that dont make her leave.. nothing will
