Long distance relationships... aaarrggg

[JcsMP3]

I know relationship stuff on a car enthusiasts website.... it shouldn't be here but I am desperate for any kind of advice right now... OK people if anyone of you has any advice for this please do tell me... I am open to just about anything right now... btw this post may contain mushy lovey stuff.....

To make a long story short....

Gf lives with her family for the summer, she is 160 miles away. I see her every weekend and I talk to her everyday by e-mail and phone. She has been gone for 2.5 months now and their is about 1.5 months to go....

Our relationship has just taken a step in a different direction. We are so much closer now then before and we spent less time together( weird but true), we both realized how we truly feel for one another. Every weekend it gets harder to leave eachother, every night the phone conversations get longer. It is stress'in both of us out. Now that we are at this stage in our relationship, well it's just a matter of time before we move in together and then well you know what comes after that.

Like today I feel like drivin up there right after work to see her and hug her but I know I should be stronger then that.... or should I....

Anyone have any suggestions to make the time go by faster or something... it's getting so close I know... yet I get a little impatient at this time....

Thanks

Jc

 

[OurP5]

JcsMP3,

I know how you feel. Sort of!

My wife had to go to Seattle for 2.5 months, before we were married, for work. I couldn't drive from Florida to Washington State every weekend.

That was the longest 2 and a half months of my life.

While she was gone we also learned how we felt about each other.

It will get better and make the time you do spend together more important.

Good Luck

 

[Syzygy]

There is no downside to this, man... Never take her for granted!

 

[adragonfly]

At least it's only temporary and you wtill see her on the weekends. Many people I know wouldn't even call that a long-distance relationship since that's about as often as they see their sig. others. My sister and her now husband were doing the long distance thing for something like 3 years while he was in Dental school. They were together for eight years before that, so they had a pretty strong bond before he left. They saw each other every three months or so, and they got married right after he graduated! All I can say is that absence makes the heart grow fonder... you'll appreciate each other so much more when she gets back! Hang in there... it won't be long...

 

[APEXistud]

I must commend you guys who can do the long distance thing. It's probably due to the type of guys I'm around. Fresh out of college party animals and club hoppers. My mentality towards long distance is "out of sight, out of mind". Seeing my girlfriend everyday like I do now is great and I'd be ok with once a week, but if I only got to see her twice or three time a month I wouldn't be happy.

It probably has something to do with the fact that I'm 22 and too old to play the distance thing. When I was younger, younger as in 17-19, the long distance thing was acceptable because I still lived at home and could understand the parental units. Once I lived on my own, the long distance game was no longer acceptable. I guess being this way is kind of shallow, but hey, I have to be honest with myself right.

 

[adragonfly]

That's interesting... I thought being older meant that you were more capable of handling deep and mature relationships. The long distance thing definately requires a deep sense of security and an understanding. There's always exceptions to everything, but I think younger people need to see each other more often because they need assurance that their partner is still "theirs" and not running around doing whatever with whomever. JMO

 

[JcsMP3]

That's interesting... I thought being older meant that you were more capable of handling deep and mature relationships. The long distance thing definately requires a deep sense of security and an understanding. There's always exceptions to everything, but I think younger people need to see each other more often because they need assurance that their partner is still "theirs" and not running around doing whatever with whomever. JMO

No it's nothing to do with the trust part.... it has to do with the comfort of having someone around. when she is around I sleep like a baby.. when she is gone I am really restless in bed... Trust is really important in a relationship... especially the long distance ones... I consider this long distance cause if ever she needs me for whatever reason it takes me 2.5 hours to get there..... I jsut need mroe patience I guess

 

[fastdrvr23]

Tough stuff

First off Jcs, I know where you are coming from with the long distance thing, that is some tough stuff. After college, my girlfriend moved to Knoxville, TN (~600 miles) to get her doctorate degree... We dated for about 2 years prior to this, and were going to continue to stay together (if possible). Anyways, we tried and managed to make it work for about 4 months or so, but it ended up not working out in the end. It is really trying on a relationship, trying to seriously talk on the phone, just being around one another... it all sucked. Since your gf isn't too far away, it should be alright if you are both commited to making it work. Since I work all the time, it wasn't a huge change in the amount of time I had to spend with my former gf, but it made a huge difference not being able to see her when her/I wanted to.
I wish I had some better advice to give, but I think it all boils down to how much you both want to be together. If you decide you really want to be with this girl, and she wants to really be with you.. you shouldn't have any problems. Good luck buddy... If/When you make it through the time apart, you should be that much stronger in the end. (Then again, what the hell do I know... I lost my gf partly because of this. lol ) At any rate, I wish you the best of luck!

 

[APEXistud]

I'm secure with where I am with my girlfriend, but I just know I wouldn't be happy if we never got to see each other. The whole reason I wanted a girlfriend is so I could spend my rare freetime with that special someone and make a commitment. The reason why I wouldn't be happy with the long distance thing is because I need that physical affection (no not that kind), but the cuddling, holding hands, chillin on the couch watching TV together, all the mushy things I saw in the movies and read in books when I was little. Those are the things you just can't get from a long distance relationship. Also, there's the other physical side which I'm sure we all know just can't be fulfilled if special someone isn't there.

Anyway, like I said before, "out of sight, out of mind". In addition to saying that, I would also like to add, "what makes one person happy, might not make another person happy." Just like cars, everyone has their owns preference. "Each to their own" Good luck man, I hope you make it through this and just be sure to keep your eyes open. Just my $.02 cents USD.

 

[JcsMP3]

Just my $.02 cents USD.

Guess I owe you some change then since I live in Canada... LOL

Thanks dude....

Jc

 

[Syzygy]

That's interesting... I thought being older meant that you were more capable of handling deep and mature relationships. The long distance thing definately requires a deep sense of security and an understanding. There's always exceptions to everything, but I think younger people need to see each other more often because they need assurance that their partner is still "theirs" and not running around doing whatever with whomever. JMO

This is so true! The "possession problem" is borne out of insecurity. "Missing" someone is natural when you're in love. A bit of "pining" never hurt anyone, either.

But if "trust" becomes an issue, especially because of a physical distance, then the problem is within us, not the other. Age is often the indicative separator of those who doubt themselves (and/or their S.O.'s feelings toward them) and those who do not. But many older folks never became secure in themselves and many younger people develop security early. These are, as you said, the "exceptions" rather than the rule.

It appears that JcsMP3 is secure in "trust". That's why I say that this separation has no downside. He is secure in himself. His love has grown ("absence making the heart grow fonder" rather than "out of site out of mind").

This is the experience of potentialities and pitfalls, signs and portents, pain and reward. Embrace them all, for they will hold you in good stead.

 

[adragonfly]

Gosh, Syz, you did it again... if every man learned just a little bit from you, women all over the place would be much happier! Can anybody add anything more to Syz's comments? I doubt it, cause he always sums it up so well.

 

[Syzygy]

Gosh, Syz, you did it again... if every man learned just a little bit from you, women all over the place would be much happier! Can anybody add anything more to Syz's comments? I doubt it, cause he always sums it up so well.

Thank you for the kind words, Ari! Just for that, I promise to keep my hands off (your car).

 

[LinuxRacr]

Thank you for the kind words, Ari! Just for that, I promise to keep my hands off (your car).

I wouldn't be so kind! If your motive in a relationship, then you have a very good chance of succes. As someone who just got out of a very "trying" relationship, I say that it takes work! You have to be able to love someone, and accept them for who they are. If you have unrealistic expectations of your partner, you are just setting up for failiure. I guess I have difficulty because I am different from most people, and people have labeled me as weird all my life. I call it a different spin on things. I suppose one day, I will find that someone who will like me for who I am. Until then, I need to build up the corage to break out of my comfort zone to talk to women, and not be afraid of rejection (old habits are hard to break!). Rambling over...

 

[adragonfly]

Thank you for the kind words, Ari! Just for that, I promise to keep my hands off (your car).

Those were, after all, your words! hehe...